# things I have learned from the internet (may contain pie) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 30, 2002, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-the-internet-may-contain-pie/145656 "2002-12-30T10:26:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Gleena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b3f665/32.png) [@Gleena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gleena)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2002, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-the-internet-may-contain-pie/145656/41 "2002-12-31T22:49:29Z")
Up to _4_ different lenders are just sitting there waiting to make me a deal on a mortgage. If I have bad/poor/no credit, I can easily get a home loan for ANYTHING I WANT - nevermind I don’t own a house. Also, inspite of the aforementioned possibility of bad/poor/no credit, I can get a car loan. Anywhere. Anytime. Even at 4am! I can by a crappy digital camera that doesn’t even work with my computer for 5 times what it’s worth, in three easy installments. I can even buy a whole new computer, with no/poor/bad credit again, for 5 times what it’s worth, in about a million installments. Grace ---
**Author:** ![deathawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ed8c4c/32.png) [@deathawk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deathawk)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2003, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-the-internet-may-contain-pie/145656/42 "2003-01-01T01:40:30Z")
That people I don’t know will respond to emails I never sent with information I never asked for and frankly, don’t want to know. I have also learned that apparently I have an evil twin who sends me spam using my own user name. That an email with “good times” in the subject is apparently capable of sending an electrifing jolt of enegry though my computer, rendering it into a flaming hunk of scrap if I should so much as look at it. ---
**Author:** ![pretend\_my\_name\_is\_witty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b9e5f3/32.png) [@pretend\_my\_name\_is\_witty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pretend_my_name_is_witty)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2003, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-the-internet-may-contain-pie/145656/43 "2003-01-01T23:48:08Z")
If I forward this to 20 people within 4.23 hours, my crush will love me forever. If I dont, I will die. For every person that this is forwarded to, the BBC will donate 10p to a boy in India with no arms, legs, hair or friends. I can get top quality lawyers for cents. (even though I have no need for a lawyer, and tend not to pay for things with American currency) That I have no life. Thankyou SDMB ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-the-internet-may-contain-pie/145656/44 "2003-01-02T00:08:11Z")
Someone set us up the bomb. I’m highly thought of by rich people in Nigeria. I can lose excess pounds quickly and easily without diets or exercise. My PC may be infected with a virus. MLM is a Guaranteed Cash Generating System!! It’s easy to eliminate my debt and build a better future. My penis is aparently way too small. I can get just about anything if I’ll just Click Here. ---
**Author:** ![Hometownboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/5e9695/32.png) [@Hometownboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hometownboy)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-the-internet-may-contain-pie/145656/45 "2003-01-02T04:50:33Z")
That I can access thousands of porn websites FOR FREE, and they ask that I give them a VISA or Mastercard number (which they would never, ever bill) ONLY as proof I am over 21. ---
**Author:** ![Rosebud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@Rosebud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rosebud)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-the-internet-may-contain-pie/145656/46 "2003-01-02T05:12:54Z")
Though I live on the top floor of a five-story rental building, many people wish to give me a killer deal on septic tank installation and care. My lack of an emotional response to, or believe in the truth of, several hundred inspirational e-mails, and my subsequent refusal to forward them to anyone, makes me a godless, heartless and generally worthless person. If I wanted to, I could have a cock so big it scares people. I guess I’d have to carry it around in a jar and show it to people, which I admit would be pretty scary. Buying Human Growth Hormone over the Internet is completely safe and economical to boot. ---
**Author:** ![sperfur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9adbd/32.png) [@sperfur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sperfur)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-the-internet-may-contain-pie/145656/47 "2003-01-02T05:22:31Z")
Technology has been developed that will save the lives of little children born without bodies. However, if their parents are very poor and can’t afford to pay for a good replacement body, the child will have to make do with a burlap bag for a body until such funds can be raised. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-the-internet-may-contain-pie/145656/48 "2003-01-02T05:25:26Z")
I can get sex delivered to my house in under thirty minutes, and sometimes it will even be satisfying. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-the-internet-may-contain-pie/145656/49 "2003-01-02T05:52:44Z")
I can order Viagra RIGHT NOW from the discreet privacy of my own home, at a discounted price. ---
**Author:** ![AntaresJB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c2a13f/32.png) [@AntaresJB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AntaresJB)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-the-internet-may-contain-pie/145656/50 "2003-01-02T06:05:22Z")
Someone may be looking for me at my old e-mail address! And judging from the picture, she’s really pretty. ---
**Author:** ![Wearia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Wearia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wearia)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-the-internet-may-contain-pie/145656/51 "2003-01-02T06:09:08Z")
My good friends Janet Lewis, Alfred Thompson, and Ashley Crane all want to sell me a trips and pornography. All I have to do is sign over my house and give my credit card number. There are thousands of dollar in my name waiting to be claimed! All I have to do is give my credit card number as proof of my identity. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 10:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-the-internet-may-contain-pie/145656/52 "2003-01-02T10:31:42Z")
jjimm its you’re lucky day, “you” can get a “free” PDA ---
**Author:** ![garius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e19b73/32.png) [@garius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garius)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-the-internet-may-contain-pie/145656/53 "2003-01-02T11:14:45Z")
that the number of annoying, gullible and stupid people on this planet is frighteningly large. ---
**Author:** ![heresiarch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/278dde/32.png) [@heresiarch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/heresiarch)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-the-internet-may-contain-pie/145656/54 "2003-01-02T12:16:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Delta-9 \* > \*\*If I punch the monkey, I win. \*\* But there’s a downside: God will kill a kitten. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-the-internet-may-contain-pie/145656/55 "2003-01-02T13:46:01Z")
You cannot mention anything on the SDMB that is so obscure that another Doper hasn’t heard of it. There is nothing so weird that someone somewhere isn’t willing to use it in an erotic act (and e-mail you pictures). You can buy and/or sell anything on ebay. God hates fags, lesbians, Jews, Muslims, New Yorkers, Americans, Christians, Native Americans, Brits, Scots, blacks, whites, Asians, polo players, baseball players, engineers, the government, actors, artists, artistes of any kind, dentists, the Olsen twins, Stephen King, Elton John, and everyone else in the entire universe. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-the-internet-may-contain-pie/145656/56 "2003-01-02T19:07:11Z")
That I and I only I (except for my predecessor in this job) have won 50 free Powerball tickets. That many people who I have long believed to be friends of mine believe that I wish to read around long-winded jokes and unfunny parodies. That psychics are able to predict my future via email without even meeting me. That a real estate broker in Florida believes it would be mutually beneficial if he reciprocates web links with the small, non-profit, Midwestern organization I work for. ---
**Author:** ![Mirror\_Image\_egamI\_rorriM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e56c9b/32.png) [@Mirror\_Image\_egamI\_rorriM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mirror_Image_egamI_rorriM)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-the-internet-may-contain-pie/145656/57 "2003-01-02T19:27:50Z")
If you cut a grape in half and put it cut side down on a plate and microwave it, it will catch on fire and spark like crazy. Seriously. ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-the-internet-may-contain-pie/145656/58 "2003-01-02T19:35:16Z")
That I’m easily the most fascinating and sought after person on the planet. Attend: 1. Someone likes me. 2. Someone wants to meet me. 3. Someone wants to pay me for my opinions. 4. Someone wants to give me a $7,500 unsecured platinum VISA card. 5. Someone wants to give me (yes, just GIVE me) a trip to a tropical paradise. 6. Someone is sitting at a desk somewhere with their hand mere inches from a phone waiting for me specifically to call them about my home loan. 7. Someone, despite the obvious RC Mini Car embargo, has warehouses full of them for a low, low, low price. And they can be all mine. Ah, the joy of the hotmail junk account… ---
**Author:** ![owlstretchingtime](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/958977/32.png) [@owlstretchingtime](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/owlstretchingtime)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2003, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-the-internet-may-contain-pie/145656/59 "2003-01-03T12:22:05Z")
I have returned, and I have brought pie. It is possible to beat bookies with insider horse racing knowledge. ---
**Author:** ![Tabithina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f04885/32.png) [@Tabithina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabithina)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2003, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-the-internet-may-contain-pie/145656/60 "2003-01-03T13:09:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mirror Image egamI rorriM \* > \*\*If you cut a grape in half and put it cut side down on a plate and microwave it, it will catch on fire and spark like crazy. > > Seriously. \*\* Yep. You can also nuke marshmallow peeps and circus peanuts, and watch them inflate like grotesque balloons in your microwave. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-the-internet-may-contain-pie/145656.md?page=2)