# Things I have learned from watching horror movies... **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 13, 2006, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-watching-horror-movies/344335 "2006-02-13T21:08:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-watching-horror-movies/344335/61 "2006-02-15T03:38:05Z")
> [@Linty Fresh](#): > > Never, never, never make a wish, even if you are granted three wishes by what looks like Father Christmas. And no matter how carefully you word your wish, nothing good will come of it. ---
**Author:** ![Talon\_Karrde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Talon\_Karrde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Talon_Karrde)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-watching-horror-movies/344335/62 "2006-02-15T03:50:47Z")
> [@Merijeek](#): > > -Joe, would love to see Jack Bauer in a horror movie, suspects it would be a SHORT horror movie The Lost Boys is a chronicle of the days of his youthful indescretion. ---
**Author:** ![Sleel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/73ab20/32.png) [@Sleel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleel)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-watching-horror-movies/344335/63 "2006-02-15T12:06:14Z")
If you, by some miracle, manage to “kill” the killer, never, ever turn your back on the body. Call someone to help you watch the corpse if you must, but do **NOT** let it out of your sight until you have that sucker in pieces, you light the pieces on fire, you scatter the ashes, and feed the little bits that are left through the garbage disposal. Then, he might be dead. Maybe. But he’s probably still got an accomplice left alive. African-American families or couples are too smart to put themselves in stupid supernatural situations. \ If they walk into the house and hear a spectral whisper say, “Get. Out!” they’re going to be out the door and back at the real-estate agent’s place real damn fast. “Ok, see ya. Have a nice haunting.”\ Urban Legends and ghost stories are true. Bloody Mary, the Hook Killer, the kid who drowned in the pool and now drowns other kids, the Candyman: all real, all killers, all waiting for you to let them gnaw on your entrails. ---
**Author:** ![Merijeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@Merijeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merijeek)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-watching-horror-movies/344335/64 "2006-02-15T15:01:08Z")
> [@Talon Karrde](#): > > The Lost Boys is a chronicle of the days of his youthful indescretion. Come now…all those missing posters? Not nearly enough for a Young Jack Bauer. 😉 -Joe ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-watching-horror-movies/344335/65 "2006-02-15T16:57:35Z")
Missing posters? You mean like **Tars Tarkas** , **Kn(\*)ckers**, **London Calling** , and **Vanilla**? ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-watching-horror-movies/344335/66 "2006-02-15T18:09:34Z")
Always stay alert for these warning signs of Impending Doom: 1. A dog barking & growling loudly somewhere nearby, suddenly goes silent ('cuz the killer iced him). 2. Someone finally moved into that rickety old rat-trap house down the street. (The new tenants are, of course, vampires.) 3. The natives become restless. (An Unspeakably Evil Thing is hovering in the nearby ether.) 4. The anniversary of a horrific massacre that occurred in the neighborhood approaches (especially if the killer was never found - he’s coming back for a repeat performance, natch). 5. Your adorable little tyke starts speaking to an ‘imaginary friend’ (you might as well book the priest for an exorcism right there & then.) ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-watching-horror-movies/344335/67 "2006-02-15T19:46:53Z")
> [@Sleel](#): > > African-American families or couples are too smart to put themselves in stupid supernatural situations. \ If they walk into the house and hear a spectral whisper say, “Get. Out!” they’re going to be out the door and back at the real-estate agent’s place real damn fast. “Ok, see ya. Have a nice haunting.”\ Sounds like the Eddie Murphy bit. > [@Eddie Murphy](#): > > In “The Amityville Horror,” the ghost told them to get out. White people stayed in there. Now, that is a hint and a half for your ass. I’d have been gone, man. > \ > In “Poltergeist,” white people just sat around, going, “Our daughter, Carole Anne, is in the television set.” I’d have been gone. I’d have went to the police station and said, “look…my fuckin’ daughter is inside the TV set. Y’all can have all that shit. I ain’t goin’ back to the muthafucker. I just want y’all to know that, when she ain’t at the school, y’all don’t think I tried to kill the bitch or nuthin’, but she is INSIDE the TV set.” > > “Mr. Murphy, didn’t you try to SAVE your daughter?” > > “Yeah, I’m a man and shit. I tried to save her. I changed the channel. The shit didn’t work…I got the fuck out.” ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-watching-horror-movies/344335/68 "2006-02-15T19:48:42Z")
> [@Lightnin'](#): > > When you’ve knocked the bad guy down with a well-placed shovel to the face, keep hitting. Don’t stop hitting until the head is finely-ground hamburger. And it has to be a shovel. A [rake](http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/7333/pictures/BobRake.jpg) won’t work. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-watching-horror-movies/344335/69 "2006-02-15T19:57:50Z")
[ul] [li]Never have anything to do with white-blonde kids. Especially if there are lots of them and they all seem to look alike.[/li][li]If you assume those aliens will be friendly, you’ll find that they are anything but.[/li][li]Don’t repeat the same thing over again three times. Certainly not while looking in a mirror.[/li][li]If you did something incredibly stupid in childhood (if it resulted in traumatic damage or actual death is even worse), it WILL come back to haunt you as an adult.[/li][li]No one should ever even entertain the thought of going camping. If it is way out in BFE and with ‘old’ high school chums, definitely not.[/li][li]When a situation begins badly, it will only get worse.[/li][li]You stumble across a cemetery where the majority of graves share the same date of death, only separated by years apart, don’t investigate. Just trust that the townspeople had a system.[/li][li]Be aware if you reach to do anything. Don’t be oblivious to what you’re doing or looking off into space.[/li][li]Inanimate objects are not always as innocent as they seem. Turning your back on them or sharing a bed can result in big hazards to your health.[/li][li]If you get some growth, run to your nearest doctor and check it out immediately. It’s not benign and it won’t get better. The faster that you recognize that is the sooner you’ll save all of humanity. And it is always everybody that depends on you.[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-watching-horror-movies/344335/70 "2006-02-16T00:59:31Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > Missing posters? > > You mean like **Tars Tarkas** , **Kn(\*)ckers**, **London Calling** , and **Vanilla**? Yep. Lost Boys got 'em That’s what I hate about this board… ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-watching-horror-movies/344335/71 "2006-02-16T02:32:35Z")
It’s never just a dream. > [@labtrash](#): > > If you open a medicine cabinet, DON’T CLOSE IT ! The killer will be right behind you, reflected for all to see. But don’t expect to see him when you turn around. ---
**Author:** ![Merijeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@Merijeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merijeek)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-watching-horror-movies/344335/72 "2006-02-16T14:31:55Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > [ul] > [li]Never have anything to do with white-blonde kids. Especially if there are lots of them and they all seem to look alike.[/li][/ul] My cousin’s brood. All white-blonde. She offered to send me a picture, but I told her I could just look at the cover of my “Village of the Damned” DVD. She wasn’t amused. And I never did get a picture. ☹ -Joe ---
**Author:** ![EtherealFreakOfPinkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a4c791/32.png) [@EtherealFreakOfPinkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EtherealFreakOfPinkness)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-watching-horror-movies/344335/73 "2006-03-13T17:19:49Z")
If the chairs in your kitchen start re-arranging themselves, get out of the house. In fact, get out of the town. It might even be wise to just get out of the country. Otherwise, you will find that your youngest daughter is stuck in the TV., and you will have to call in a creepy old lady with a small voice to tell you how to get her out. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-watching-horror-movies/344335/74 "2006-03-13T21:08:30Z")
Something I learned specifically from [Freddy vs. Jason](http://imdb.com/title/tt0329101/?fr=c2l0ZT1kZnx0dD0xfGZiPXV8cG49MHxrdz0xfHE9SmFzb24gdnMuIEZyZWRkaXxmdD0xfG14PTIwfGxtPTUwMHxjbz0xfGh0bWw9MXxubT0x;fc=1;ft=21;fm=1) - Camp Crystal Lake and Elm Street are apparently located within the same suburban community and are a short van drive away from each other. IMO, that is just plain weird. I mean, you’d think a town that has ONE serial killer (who repeatedly rose from the grave to go on mass murder sprees) wouldn’t have any residents, but TWO KILLERS? And the town still has residents who haven’t deserted it? That’s just plain silly. Heck, you’d think folks might’ve commented about that in either of the respective film series along the way: “Some teenagers over on Elm Street got disembowled last night (AGAIN??) ? I wonder if it had anything to do with all those murders last summer (and the summer before that, etc,) at the old abandoned camp not twenty minutes away from here? Nawwww, it couldn’t have any connection.” ---
**Author:** ![Logan\_5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/fbc32d/32.png) [@Logan\_5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Logan_5)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-watching-horror-movies/344335/75 "2006-03-13T22:42:45Z")
One does not have to open graves to find girls to fall in love with. children of the night are not the best musicians. even those who are pure of heart and say their prayers are not to be trusted. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-watching-horror-movies/344335/76 "2006-03-13T23:43:08Z")
It’s a draem, Alex! You can do anything you want to! ---
**Author:** ![marshmallow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@marshmallow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marshmallow)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2006, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-watching-horror-movies/344335/77 "2006-03-14T00:16:00Z")
I’m sorry, but I must ask: what movies are people referring to with aborting the son of Satan/a Mantis alien? ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2006, 10:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-watching-horror-movies/344335/78 "2006-03-14T10:56:52Z")
People who took the trouble to have their dead bodies preserved and buried under a million tons of stone shaped into a sort of artificial mountain _really, really_ did not want their priceless gold ornaments interfered with. Or their corpses. No, not even in the interests of archæology. Just leave the damn things alone. ---
**Author:** ![Harborwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Harborwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harborwolf)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2006, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-watching-horror-movies/344335/79 "2006-03-14T12:47:58Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > People who took the trouble to have their dead bodies preserved and buried under a million tons of stone shaped into a sort of artificial mountain _really, really_ did not want their priceless gold ornaments interfered with. Or their corpses. No, not even in the interests of archæology. Just leave the damn things alone. But they _belong_ in a museum. Do not talk to your parents about it. Your parents cannot help you. They may even be involved in covering up the incidents or be the cause. You may get them killed. Just leave them alone. Of course, your parents may be on vacation for the week/weekend/month/year/ until the next millenium/. If that’s the case, don’t worry about it. They’ll come back just in time to see your bloodied and horrified but alive self staggering out of your front door. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2006, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-watching-horror-movies/344335/80 "2006-03-14T13:31:42Z")
Stay covered up. If there is an insane mass murderer around, chances are the people wearing the least clothing will be killed first. Even in the middle of summer, don’t go out without wearing long pants, long socks, ski boots, several long sleeved shirts and sweaters, a heavy coat, gloves, scarf, and two hats. This applies doubly to females. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-watching-horror-movies/344335.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learned-from-watching-horror-movies/344335.md?page=5)