# Things I Have Learnt From Romantic Comedies... **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 7, 2007, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-romantic-comedies/399091 "2007-04-07T10:51:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-romantic-comedies/399091/21 "2007-04-08T04:39:45Z")
There’s a surefire way of knowing exactly what’s happening in your life, and what’s about to happen: background music. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-romantic-comedies/399091/22 "2007-04-08T04:53:20Z")
[QUOTE=Scissorjack] Women secretly like being stalked. Harass a woman for long enough, and far from taking out a restraining order, she will will invariably fall for your quirky charm. [/QUOTE] Interestingly enough, this technique actually worked for my dad. He and mom have been married for 40 years this August. Go figure. As to the OP. Even if you lie, and cheat, and act like a jerk, you’ll still wind up with the guy if you’re cute and have a beguiling sideways head tilt. ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-romantic-comedies/399091/23 "2007-04-08T04:57:24Z")
[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas] If an incredibly ugly person takes off the eyeglasses, does a hair shake and puts on some stylist clothes, instant breath taking unbelievable beauty will be achieved! [/QUOTE] Except in cleverly written ones like [That Touch Of Mink](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0056575/) where Gig Young asks that of Jan Burell and when she looks the same he says “that always worked in the movies” ---
**Author:** ![Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/c4cdca/32.png) [@Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quiddity_Glomfuster)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-romantic-comedies/399091/24 "2007-04-08T04:57:36Z")
[QUOTE=alice\_in\_wonderland] Interestingly enough, this technique actually worked for my dad. He and mom have been married for 40 years this August. Go figure. [/QUOTE] I know a couple of long-term couples it worked for. There is a difference between someone who persists in a realistic situation and behaves like a normal human in dong so and a stalker. I think it’s sad that people are unable to understand the distinction. ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-romantic-comedies/399091/25 "2007-04-08T05:00:32Z")
The mother of the object of the guy’s affection is either a coldhearted bitch who thinks he’s not good enough for her daughter, or she’s a horny, unsatisfied woman who makes a play for hte guy (and is sometimes successful, causing a hilarious misunderstanding when the daughter walks in on them) ---
**Author:** ![mamboman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecb155/32.png) [@mamboman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mamboman)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-romantic-comedies/399091/26 "2007-04-08T05:06:54Z")
[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas] If they drop the bag, oranges will roll all over the place. [/QUOTE] And Michael Corleone will have you whacked, fothwith. ---
**Author:** ![mamboman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecb155/32.png) [@mamboman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mamboman)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-romantic-comedies/399091/27 "2007-04-08T05:08:35Z")
Large, bright, airy, New York City apartments are surprisingly affordable for single women in romantic comedies. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-romantic-comedies/399091/28 "2007-04-08T05:10:23Z")
[QUOTE=athelas] Any reasonably attractive woman will, at least once, cause every male in proximity to take embarrasing falls, spills, etc. [/QUOTE] However, destroying a woman’s apartment by upsetting lamps, falling over the cat, and worsening the chaos by clumsy attempts to tidy up and/or conceal the damage is endearing beyond measure. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-romantic-comedies/399091/29 "2007-04-08T20:08:08Z")
[QUOTE=RealityChuck] The chance of a relationship succeeding is directly proportional to the cuteness of the meeting. [/QUOTE] Times two if they met cute at someone else’s wedding. RomComs follow a Compatible Hours/Schedules/Budgets rule: no budding new relationship will wither on the vine because the woman works nights and the guy, days; or because one party makes four times as much as the other and doesn’t want to compromise his or her lifestyle; or because one or both parties are just too f’n tired due to working insanely long hours or having to work two or three jobs. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-romantic-comedies/399091/30 "2007-04-08T20:44:20Z")
The stable, employed guy you’re engaged to? Dump him! You don’t want stability! You want the carefree, penniless jerk with whom you have nothing in common! ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-romantic-comedies/399091/31 "2007-04-08T20:50:33Z")
When you sleep with a woman for the first time, it will be the most fantastic sex of both of your lives: there will be no awkwardness with knees and elbows, no worries about condoms, you will simultaneously attain earth-shattering orgasms, and there will be no arguing about who sleeps in the wet spot: you will fall asleep blissfully contented in each other’s arms. No one will have to brush their teeth the next morning, so you needn’t worry about a spare toothbrush - indeed, open mouthed kissing is a good way to start the day. You will both be at least partially clad, and the woman will have an “L” shaped sheet artfully draped over her breasts. The man will invariably arise earlier and go to the kitchen to make coffee, and the woman will enter later looking gorgeously dishevelled in one of his old shirts. No one will have to rush off to work, let alone shower, so you will apparently spend the rest of the day reeking like a goat in rut. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-romantic-comedies/399091/32 "2007-04-08T21:08:18Z")
If she can fake\* an orgasm really well, she’s the one for you. It might take years, but hang in there… \*in a restaurant, obviously :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-romantic-comedies/399091/33 "2007-04-08T21:12:24Z")
Chronic emotional, substance abuse, and sometimes physical problems can all be dismissed with a simple expression of undying love. If the stalker thing isn’t working out for you, run her family business into the ground so she can realize her true calling and then fall into your arms. Pretending to be gay is a great way of ultimately winning her love. It’s also a great way to disentangle yourself from an unwanted relationship with the not-One-True-Love woman, instead of just being honest. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-romantic-comedies/399091/34 "2007-04-08T21:57:40Z")
As nothing interesting happens to people after they get married, romantic comedies never have sequels. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-romantic-comedies/399091/35 "2007-04-08T22:01:58Z")
[QUOTE=vibrotronica] It’s not stalking if you really, really mean it. [/QUOTE] This one is true IRL, actually. The judge didn’t buy it either. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-romantic-comedies/399091/36 "2007-04-08T22:04:34Z")
Don’t bother with singles bars, personals ads, or fixups by mutual friends. You will find love only when you are not looking for it. If you’re so disgusted/frustrated with the opposite sex that you swear off dating entirely, your chances of finding love increase exponentially. (This lesson can also be learned from romance novels.) ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-romantic-comedies/399091/37 "2007-04-08T22:09:20Z")
[QUOTE=BrainGlutton] Don’t bother with singles bars, personals ads, or fixups by mutual friends. You will find love only when you are not looking for it. If you’re so disgusted/frustrated with the opposite sex that you swear off dating entirely, your chances of finding love increase exponentially. [/QUOTE] That’s the plan I’m working on. However, the exponential relationship seems to have, shall we say, a rather small exponential constant. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-romantic-comedies/399091/38 "2007-04-08T22:16:54Z")
[QUOTE=Scissorjack] Old people had sex lives once. [/QUOTE] That, of course, is **not** true IRL, and anyone who argues to the contrary should be lynched for the sake of our mental hygiene. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-romantic-comedies/399091/39 "2007-04-08T23:17:39Z")
Nothing says “romantic” like a wealthy arrogant businessman picking up a street hooker and moulding her to his ends. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2007, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-romantic-comedies/399091/40 "2007-04-09T00:20:06Z")
[QUOTE=Scissorjack] Nothing says “romantic” like a wealthy arrogant businessman picking up a street hooker and moulding her to his ends. [/QUOTE] Well, duh! That’s Donald Trump’s life philosophy in a nutshell. Stranger [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-romantic-comedies/399091.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-romantic-comedies/399091.md?page=3)