# Things I Have Learnt From Science Fiction **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 25, 2006, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542 "2006-01-25T13:07:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2006, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/181 "2006-01-29T21:51:02Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Although Jubal’s favorite was [this one](http://www.bc.edu/bc_org/avp/cas/fnart/rodin/rodincaryatid.jpg). I’m so glad you included a link to that! I’ve never actually seen a picture of that statue. When Jubal was showing it to Ben, and describing it’s symbolism, I had tears in my eyes, seriously. Heinlein is among my favorite authors, of any genre, and that bit is one I consider his best, out of all the words he wrote. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2006, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/182 "2006-01-29T22:01:19Z")
> [@Merijeek](#): > > Unless you’re one of them Redneck Cylon Designers who just wants to paint yours primer… > > -Joe Or a ricer Cylon designer who wants to paint his metallic lavender with neon highlighting and stick a big fuck-off sub-woofer in its chest. ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2006, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/183 "2006-01-30T07:20:59Z")
> [@Case Sensitive](#): > > Or a ricer Cylon designer who wants to paint his metallic lavender with neon highlighting and stick a big fuck-off sub-woofer in its chest. My favorite Cylons always were the Bling-Bling ones with the gold plated finish. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2006, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/184 "2006-01-30T08:38:53Z")
> [@Raguleader](#): > > My favorite Cylons always were the Bling-Bling ones with the gold plated finish. 😃 Actually, now I think about it C3PO does look rather like he’s sporting a sub-woofer, and he certainly has that “bling” finish: “Yo, dog, da oddz of havin’ da mad skillz ta successfully navigate an asteroid field are completely fucked up. Wassup wit’ dat crazy shit? Word.” ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2006, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/185 "2006-01-30T17:13:36Z")
> [@Raguleader](#): > > [No it doesn’t.](http://people.csail.mit.edu/rahimi/helmet/) :wally :smack: [sub][sub][sub][sub]fnord[/sub][/sub][/sub][/sub] ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2006, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/186 "2006-01-30T17:21:47Z")
> [@Case Sensitive](#): > > Actually, now I think about it C3PO does look rather like he’s sporting a sub-woofer, and he certainly has that “bling” finish: And he’s got a kicker in his trunk. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2006, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/187 "2006-01-30T22:15:55Z")
> [@Case Sensitive](#): > > asteroid field The which mention inspires the following addition to the thread: The asteroid belt in our own solar system is an anomaly in the total mass and distribution of its material. Most asteroid fields are so dense with rocky matter that they could be reassembled into several thousand planets. And another: There is no water anywhere in the galaxy. When an alien civilization runs out of it, they have to come try to conquer Earth to get more. ---
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2006, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/188 "2006-01-30T22:21:30Z")
Rule number 873: No matter how much of a good idea it seems at the time, never, ever hook the artificial intelligence up to the defense grid. For that matter, don’t hook the artificial intelligence up to your spaceship’s controls, either. In fact, shy away from AI in general, m’kay? ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2006, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/189 "2006-01-30T22:34:25Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > There is no water anywhere in the galaxy. When an alien civilization runs out of it, they have to come try to conquer Earth to get more. And, for some reason, the water in Kuiper Belt objects and outer planets’ icy moons Just Will Not Do. It has the advantages of not being defended and of being farther from the Sun (so less fuel would be needed to get it out of the solar system), but for some reason, it’s not as good as water from Earth. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2006, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/190 "2006-01-30T22:37:21Z")
Terraforming always goes wrong. Always. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2006, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/191 "2006-01-30T22:46:54Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > There is no water anywhere in the galaxy. When an alien civilization runs out of it, they have to come try to conquer Earth to get more. Or worse . . . [http://sir.real.50megs.com/comix/catalog/screen/BizarreSex10.htm](http://sir.real.50megs.com/comix/catalog/screen/BizarreSex10.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Tenar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@Tenar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tenar)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2006, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/192 "2006-01-31T00:11:32Z")
Bolding mine. > [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > Everyone in the future \*\*is really skinny \*\* and they wear tight fitting clothes. You’re kidding. Not only is the future rife with what I will politely call “duck bellies” (Cap’n Kirk, Will Riker), but future uniform designers won’t even have the brains to use velcro so the possessors of said midriff bulges won’t have to yank down the bottom of their uniform tops every five seconds. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2006, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/193 "2006-01-31T00:18:17Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > I’m so glad you included a link to that! I’ve never actually seen a picture of that statue. When Jubal was showing it to Ben, and describing it’s symbolism, I had tears in my eyes, seriously. Heinlein is among my favorite authors, of any genre, and that bit is one I consider his best, out of all the words he wrote. I’m pretty sure that’s actually the Caryatid has fallen under her stone. ---
**Author:** ![Merijeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@Merijeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merijeek)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2006, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/194 "2006-01-31T00:25:01Z")
> [@Anne Neville](#): > > And, for some reason, the water in Kuiper Belt objects and outer planets’ icy moons Just Will Not Do. It has the advantages of not being defended and of being farther from the Sun (so less fuel would be needed to get it out of the solar system), but for some reason, it’s not as good as water from Earth. 😕 Have you ever tasted that crap? Eeeew. It’s like drinking well water from grandma’s. No thanks, I’ll go for the interstellar war. -Joe ---
**Author:** ![ryobserver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b2d939/32.png) [@ryobserver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ryobserver)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2006, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/195 "2006-01-31T00:36:54Z")
> [@Anne Neville](#): > > And, for some reason, the water in Kuiper Belt objects and outer planets’ icy moons Just Will Not Do. It has the advantages of not being defended and of being farther from the Sun (so less fuel would be needed to get it out of the solar system), but for some reason, it’s not as good as water from Earth. 😕 Not only undefended, but outer-solar-system water HAS to be higher quality. Nothing (as far as we know) has ever lived in it, made love in it, or taken a dump in it. Nor has 200 years of industrialization filled it with Og knows what. Yet, the aliens gotta have the Earth water. Maybe they are really after all the chewy gooey organic stuff in it? ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2006, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/196 "2006-01-31T01:14:51Z")
> [@Tenar](#): > > Bolding mine. > > You’re kidding. Not only is the future rife with what I will politely call “duck bellies” (Cap’n Kirk, Will Riker), but future uniform designers won’t even have the brains to use velcro so the possessors of said midriff bulges won’t have to yank down the bottom of their uniform tops every five seconds. At a convention I went to, the TNG stars jokingly called that the Picard Maneuver because Patrick Stewart apparantly hated the costume design which made that tugging down action neccessary. ---
**Author:** ![Hometownboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/5e9695/32.png) [@Hometownboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hometownboy)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2006, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/197 "2006-01-31T01:44:08Z")
If you’re a Pennsylvania State Trooper, it would be a good idea to develop a thorough knowledge of medieval weapons systems, including the exact recipe for superior gunpowder. That way, when you’re accidentally dragged into an alternate universe where the church controls the secret of gunpowder, you’re all set to touch of the revolution, marry the tough, sword-wielding daughter of the local count and be on the way to setting up your own kingdom. That joining the Time Patrol means constantly battling paradoxes set up either by evil or clumsy time-travelers. That diplomats are fat, self-serving bureaucrats who will kowtow to nasty aliens unless a lower-level diplomat who’s younger, athletic and suspicious of said aliens, goes behind the scenes, breaking numerous regulations, to save the situation. Bolo tanks and their loyal A.I.s never think about going mercenary. The colorful guy from Brooklyn whom everybody loves will get hit and die in the arms of his squadmate or sergeant. His last words will be a poignant plea involving his family back home OR regrets that he won’t ever see the Dodgers play again. (Oops! WWII movie cliché slipped in there.) ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2006, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/198 "2006-01-31T01:44:53Z")
> [@ryobserver](#): > > Not only undefended, but outer-solar-system water HAS to be higher quality. Nothing (as far as we know) has ever lived in it, made love in it, or taken a dump in it. Nor has 200 years of industrialization filled it with Og knows what. Yet, the aliens gotta have the Earth water. Maybe they are really after all the chewy gooey organic stuff in it? Nothing has melted it to let the junk mixed in with it settle, either. Maybe the aliens just never invented filteration and distillation. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2006, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/199 "2006-01-31T02:06:31Z")
The future exploration and colonization of the galaxy will reenact the history of the settlement of the Americas by Europeans. The same economic, political and social dramas familiar to us will be replayed on a larger scale. The ships will be interstellar instead of transoceanic and the weapons more powerful on an absolute scale, but no technological advances will occur that fundamentally transform human existence. ---
**Author:** ![Linty\_Fresh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Linty\_Fresh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linty_Fresh)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2006, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/200 "2006-01-31T02:43:38Z")
In outer space battles, there are no such things as battle strategies, recon, or air support. For instance, the attackers advance across a snowy plain in huge, slow, clumsy vehicles that can be seen for miles while the rebel leaders get in nine holes of golf, drink a gallon of vodka, sober up, catch the game on TV, and _then_ roll out the troops with time left over for practicing their steely-eyed stare. It’s either that or 300 space marines just pile out of their landing cruisers onto the alien planet, run aimlessly after the squad leader, and just stand there looking dumb until the mutant bugs get bored and decide to attack them. Then the space marines shout orders, fire in all directions, and die. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542.md?page=11)