# Things I Have Learnt From Science Fiction **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 25, 2006, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542 "2006-01-25T13:07:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Cerowyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/82dd89/32.png) [@Cerowyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cerowyn)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2006, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/101 "2006-01-26T17:39:33Z")
> [@RobuSensei](#): > > The most explosive substance in the universe? Tokyo. Ever been in Roppongi on a Friday night? Not so hard to believe. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2006, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/102 "2006-01-26T17:43:42Z")
No matter how advance the artificial intelligence, it will refuse to speculate on any question where it has insufficient data. Corollary: Any question whose answer might be actually be useful in the current situation will have insufficient data. If you go into suspended animation and wake up on Earth centuries after your birth, everything they know about your time period will be mistaken. From the 50s: The most common genetic mutation is for insects to grow to giant size. It happens to gila monsters, too. There is no such thing as a mad scientist. It is the world that is mad: they are sane. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2006, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/103 "2006-01-26T17:57:28Z")
All alien beings that land on earth fall into two categories: sensitive/caring or mindless attacker. Sensitive/caring aliens inevitably land in cities or suburbs and can commandeer earth communications systems to broadcast their sensitive and caring warning that we have to clean up our act. Or else they phone home. Mindless attackers always wind up in some empty, out of the way place (the desert, an Antarctic research station, the bottom of the ocean) where they annhilate solitary individuals and where the Army can blast away (ineffectually) with artillery while the mindless attacker inexorably makes its way toward a major city. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2006, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/104 "2006-01-26T18:54:38Z")
Any woman, no matter how kickass tough she is, can be immobilized by a male grabbing her by the upper arm. [http://www.galactanet.com/comic/381.htm](http://www.galactanet.com/comic/381.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2006, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/105 "2006-01-26T20:03:57Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Any woman, no matter how kickass tough she is, can be immobilized by a male grabbing her by the upper arm. > > [http://www.galactanet.com/comic/381.htm](http://www.galactanet.com/comic/381.htm) I hear you. Except that I don’t think this meme is confined to SF. I don’t know how many times I’ve see young women captives in their 20s who look extremely fit and could probably run like gazelles, being escorted by paunchy, middle-aged henchmen who look like a 50-yard dash would leave them lying on the ground, gasping desperately for air, and the women are restrained by nothing more than a hand on their shoulders. This is mostly on action adventure shows like “Walker, Texas Ranger.” ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2006, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/106 "2006-01-26T20:45:35Z")
Science officers, robots, and the like can give the probability of an event to seven significant figures with almost no data. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2006, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/107 "2006-01-26T20:53:06Z")
The single-most important thing I’ve learned from all my years as a Sci-Fi viewing geek is that… SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!! ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2006, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/108 "2006-01-26T21:40:59Z")
Shouldda spoilered that. (j/k) ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2006, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/109 "2006-01-26T22:40:12Z")
> [@Evil Captor](#): > > You’re not getting it. I’m saying the “shitholes” will be great places to live, by present standards. Better medicine, better housing, better food … you name it. For just about everyone. Think about the parallels between the poor in the US and the poor in the Third World. Now imagine that gap widened by an order of magnitude. The poor of the future will not be like the poor of nowness. But the Third World exists right now, full of people getting little benefit from the fabulously advanced technology that you and I enjoy. Why do you think economics and human nature will be so different in the future that wealth is evenly distributed? Sure, there are people technically under the poverty line in the U.S. that might have in many ways a better quality of life than a middle-class person in say 1066, but at the same time, you’ve got a lot of people outside of Mexico City right now that are worse off in every way. I mean, you’re right in that in the Firefly universe, it is sort of unrealisitic to have backwater settlements of shacks built from mud and sticks, without electricity, running water, or advanced medical care. Instead, there would be backwater settlements of shacks built from scavenged nanoplastic shipping containers and plasteel garbage bags, without electricity, running water, or advanced medical care. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2006, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/110 "2006-01-26T22:51:23Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > Science officers, robots, and the like can give the probability of an event to seven significant figures with almost no data. Never tell me the odds! ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2006, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/111 "2006-01-26T23:03:09Z")
> [@asterion](#): > > Speaking of Niven, is he right that an Earth-sized world needs a Moon-sized moon to skim off atmosphere to stop from turning into Venus, or is he just full of tang? I thought that was [Asimov](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0440189993/ref=sr_11_1/104-8309463-0592744?%5Fencoding=UTF8)? ---
**Author:** ![Linty\_Fresh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Linty\_Fresh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linty_Fresh)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2006, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/112 "2006-01-26T23:38:36Z")
Do not board that rusty abandoned-looking spaceship sitting there in the middle of nowhere. It doesn’t matter _how_ many millions of space credits you’ll get awarded in salvage. You won’t live long enough to even begin spending them. It doesn’t matter if there’s some desparate plea from your best buddy who’s been marooned within the ship. That message is 20 years old. Whatever shape your buddy’s in, he’s probably gonna stay that way no matter what you do. It doesn’t matter if your company says that if you don’t see what’s inside that you’ll forfeit all your share in the mission. Fuck 'em. Go back into the cryochamber, get home, quit your job, and be a futuristic janitor or something. You’ll be poor, and you’ll be bored, but you won’t be stuck trying to remember which order to plug the numbers into the computer so that you can turn off the atomic self-destruct mechanism and go try to kill the indestructible alien with a cattle prod. In short _ **Do not board that FUCKING rusty abandoned-looking spaceship sitting there in the middle of nowhere.** _ ---
**Author:** ![Linty\_Fresh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Linty\_Fresh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linty_Fresh)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2006, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/113 "2006-01-26T23:42:41Z")
Also, along those lines, don’t go into the space-time continuum portal. There’s a _really big surprise_ waiting for you at the other end. Unless you’re a scientist. Scientists’ lives on earth suck big time. Scientists go through the portal, and have a _hell_ of a time on the other end. Usually, the only thing that gets wiped out is their virginity. ---
**Author:** ![ryobserver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b2d939/32.png) [@ryobserver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ryobserver)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2006, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/114 "2006-01-27T00:52:54Z")
> [@Der Trihs](#): > > Genetically engineered people are always evil oppressors; they are never oppressed, no matter how outnumbered they are. Unless they’re Sleepless. (_Beggars in Spain_, Nancy Kress.) Or artificial persons. (_Friday_, Heinlein.) Or are we only talking about movies? What I’ve learned from movides is that all scientists are evil old men or young, gorgeous women. And giant monsters never need to eat (except people) or crap (thank Og), but are obsessed with knocking over buildings. I mean, why? What’s in it for them? Gorgo is the only giant-monster movie I can think of that gave the beast some motivation to walk through Tower Bridge: she had to pick up her kid. ---
**Author:** ![ryobserver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b2d939/32.png) [@ryobserver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ryobserver)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2006, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/115 "2006-01-27T00:55:15Z")
Oh, and every alien menace is immune to bullets. ---
**Author:** ![SenorBeef](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senorbeef/32/2220_2.png) [@SenorBeef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SenorBeef)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2006, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/116 "2006-01-27T01:04:52Z")
> [@Evil Captor](#): > > Um, I don’t think we’ll be at our present tech level when we colonize other solar systems. I mean, successfully. We could probably launch a tin can at Alpha Proxima right now. But that would be mean. Technology WILL in fact be hugely ahead of us. The only workaround for that, IMHO, is some handwaving involving discover of alien FTL tech that lets us jump forward … quite a bit. They don’t have FTL drives - they do have some sort of practical constant acceleration drives and had to colonize another system through generational ships. So intra-solar system travel is also practical, but not cheap or universal. The big, generational ships landed on the core planets, and they had the best minds, the seeds of technology, the most people, and the longest time to create. Hence they have advanced technological infrastructures with flying cars and such. However, the outer worlds weren’t a primary concern - the people who went there were poor, trying to stake out a little bit of land for themselves, for the most part. They couldn’t just rent a giant interplannetary ship that could haul a huge amount of technological infrastructure with them - and the people who are most adept at operating such infrastructure would rather stay at home in comfort anyway. So they bring with them what’s entirely practical for survival - basic tools, animals, elbow grease. Not only is it plausible but it was actually one of the strongest points in the story, in the fiction world they created, I think. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2006, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/117 "2006-01-27T01:08:36Z")
Things I learned from Godzilla (various versions): When something begins to pull your fishing ship under water by grabbing the nets, by all means, don’t cut the cables and let the ship go. When you set up a trap of fresh fish to attract a rampaging giant lizard, have some plan ready in case he actually shows up. Giant lizards who eat fish prefer it if it’s already caught. Giant lizards can change their size as is convenient. They may be 300 feet tall when outside, but can fit into a subway tunnel in order to escape. Human pregnancy tests work to determine that a giant lizard is pregnant. A pregnant giant lizard’s eggs hatch in a matter of hours. There is a ring of high tension power lines surrounding Tokyo. These will not stop giant lizards. Don’t even think about it. ---
**Author:** ![Linty\_Fresh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Linty\_Fresh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linty_Fresh)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2006, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/118 "2006-01-27T01:11:41Z")
A super-advanced alien civilization can discover life on earth, build spaceships, travel light years through galaxies, target a vulnerable family in a remote house, and trap them in the basement, but it can’t figure out how to open a rickety wooden door. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2006, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/119 "2006-01-27T02:07:20Z")
> [@ryobserver](#): > > Unless they’re Sleepless. (_Beggars in Spain_, Nancy Kress.) Or artificial persons. (_Friday_, Heinlein.) Or are we only talking about movies? Movies, yes. Book sci fi is usually better, and has quite a bit more variety. > [@Ponder Stibbons](#): > > I thought that was [Asimov](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0440189993/ref=sr_11_1/102-2780425-2678521?%5Fencoding=UTF8) ? Niven definitely made that mistake; the plot of _Wrong Way Street_ hinged on it. More embarassingly, Robert Sawyer made the same mistake in 1997 in _Illegal Alien_. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2006, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/120 "2006-01-27T02:43:14Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > From the 50s: The most common genetic mutation is for insects to grow to giant size. Not only that, but if you transmogrify a fly and a human, you’ll get a human with a fly head and a fly with a human head – _and both will be able to think and use language like humans._ The fly-headed human will be able to write messages and slip them under a door, and the human-headed fly will be able to gasp _heelp meee…heeelp meee_. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542.md?page=7)