# Things I Have Learnt From Science Fiction **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 25, 2006, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542 "2006-01-25T13:07:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2006, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/141 "2006-01-27T18:45:16Z")
If you must approach a landed alien spacecraft, never, ever do it while next to a priest or a man waving a white flag. Death ray for sure. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2006, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/142 "2006-01-27T18:57:18Z")
From sf I learned that in the future: We will have a manned orbiting space station That we will watch TV broadcast directly to our homes via satellite. (Many Arthur C. Clarke books) That we will communicate by using devices hung on our belts, which activate when you flip the cover open. You can often call someone by saying their name. We’ll have robot pets. We’ll have computerized libraries, available from any home. Oh wait - that’s the present. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2006, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/143 "2006-01-27T19:27:07Z")
Most guards are stupid and gullible. **Most** guards. _Titan A.E.:_ PREED: Hmm! An intelligent guard! Didn’t see **that** one coming! ---
**Author:** ![Mouse\_Maven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@Mouse\_Maven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mouse_Maven)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2006, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/144 "2006-01-27T21:40:16Z")
From _Species_ : An alien race can take a stick figure and the structure of DNA and make a beautiful blonde female human. From _Alien_ and _Aliens_: Eggs don’t go bad, especially bug eggs. From _Independence Day_ : A red neck in a jet can destory a craft designed to travel thru space and a planet’s atmosphere. From Scifi in general: - Doctors/pHd’s know **everything** (_Quantum Leap, X-Files, etc._ ) - Coorporations or governments can effectively hide things from the public (_X-Files, Serenity_ ) ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2006, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/145 "2006-01-27T21:52:31Z")
> [@D.E.S.K.Top668](#): > > Never trust anything with an exposed brain. _MST3K_ on the Metalunan mutant, as he’s whacked on the head with a pipe: “There go the piano lessons.” ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2006, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/146 "2006-01-27T21:55:34Z")
> [@Mouse\_Maven](#): > > From _Species_ : An alien race can take a stick figure and the structure of DNA and make a beautiful blonde female human. > …snip… Hey in “Weird Science” two High School Kids made an even Sexier Brunette with a primitive computer. Jim ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2006, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/147 "2006-01-27T22:19:59Z")
> [@What Exit?](#): > > Hey in “Weird Science” two High School Kids made an even Sexier Brunette with a primitive computer. > > Jim Yeah, but no matter how many times I try, it never works! :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Mouse\_Maven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@Mouse\_Maven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mouse_Maven)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2006, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/148 "2006-01-27T22:35:32Z")
> [@What Exit?](#): > > Hey in “Weird Science” two High School Kids made an even Sexier Brunette with a primitive computer. > > Jim But they needed to have it hooked up to a Barbie Doll. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Linty\_Fresh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Linty\_Fresh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linty_Fresh)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2006, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/149 "2006-01-27T23:29:08Z")
If you are serving anywhere on the _Enterprise_, and you don’t have top billing on the movie posters, under no circumstances should you try to stand out. You _especially_ don’t want to be a young, good-looking, cheerful, can-do kind of guy whom everyone on the bridge loves like his or her own son. When Scotty looks at you and says “Aye, he’ll do” while nodding his head approvingly, he might as well be giving you the kiss of death. With tongue. Instead strive to be the sloppy underachieving jerk that no one wants to hang out with. You’ll make Commander and live to be a hundred. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2006, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/150 "2006-01-27T23:32:34Z")
1. Any human Earth male from the present who ends up in the future, the past, or on a spaceship full of strange aliens, will be cooler, funnier, kick more ass and be a better pilot, driver, lover and fighter than everyone he meets, regardless if they are a race of alien warriors, Earth Galactic Special Forces Commandos, cops or Trilithium miners. 2. The prefered form of government in the future will be an imperial monarchy. 3. The primary weapon will be some kind of sword. 4. No matter how advanced other races are, there’s something special about us hu-mons. ---
**Author:** ![wevets](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e9a140/32.png) [@wevets](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wevets)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2006, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/151 "2006-01-27T23:37:34Z")
> [@Merijeek](#): > > Obviously, you’ve never met Ace Rimmer. Smoke him a kipper, he’ll be back for breakfast. > > -Joe, what a guy! Spectacular! That’s who I was thinking about in post #63 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Linty\_Fresh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Linty\_Fresh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linty_Fresh)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2006, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/152 "2006-01-27T23:45:01Z")
Someday, the entire planet will be ruled by a benevolent military dictatorship whose leaders dress in tinfoil. When exploring new worlds or time-travelling, don’t forget your chocolate. For some weird reason, if you’re surrounded by murderous humanoid aliens or distrustful natives, giving up your Hershey’s chocolate bar creates a bond of friendship. No, it doesn’t make sense to me, either. I knew it worked on pregnant girlfriends, but humanoid aliens was a pleasant surprise. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2006, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/153 "2006-01-27T23:53:44Z")
There are no keys in the future, not for doors, ground cars, transatmospheric attack crafts, whatever… ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/154 "2006-01-28T00:04:48Z")
In any Utopian society, no one drives cars. In fact, most people walk everywhere. (C’mon, you’ve conquered war, poverty, disease, and pollution, and no one’s figured out how to make a '57 Chevy run on batteries?) ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/155 "2006-01-28T00:17:05Z")
> [@Linty Fresh](#): > > When exploring new worlds or time-travelling, don’t forget your chocolate. For some weird reason, if you’re surrounded by murderous humanoid aliens or distrustful natives, giving up your Hershey’s chocolate bar creates a bond of friendship. No, it doesn’t make sense to me, either. I knew it worked on pregnant girlfriends, but humanoid aliens was a pleasant surprise. When visiting Robot worlds, bring lots o tasty Energon Treats. Or a sidekick. And, [ON THAT TOPIC](http://www.supermegatopia.com/tmbgr/gallery/hotrod.htm)… ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/156 "2006-01-28T03:56:15Z")
Two hundred years from now, there will have been no changes in people’s tastes in music: cultured starship captains will listen to Bach; grimy salt-of-the earth mechanics will listen to mid to late 20th century rock. The only exception will be in the 25th century, when Buck Rogers will attend discos which play music eerily reminiscent of the late 70’s. ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/157 "2006-01-28T06:57:10Z")
> [@Mouse\_Maven](#): > > From Independence Day : A red neck in a jet can destory a craft designed to travel thru space and a planet’s atmosphere. To be fair, the redneck in question was a decorated veteran combat pilot, though several decades out of practice. Though there were probably quite a few rednecks involved, since they did recruit heavily from a convoy of RVs. That said, all those fighter jets got to Area 51 SOMEHOW, which means either they were flown there at some point after the attack, or they were already on the base, which suggests that there were active duty pilots (secretly) stationed there to begin with. Also, the fact that the alien ships were designed to fly BOTH in space and atmosphere would suggest a fighter jet designed soley to operate in an atmosphere could have a marked advantage, especially if the alien pilots tended to rely on their sheilds to protect them (thus, when they find themselves without aforementioned shields, they are ill equiped to defend themselves). > [@msmith537](#): > > 1. Any human Earth male from the present who ends up in the future, the past, or on a spaceship full of strange aliens, will be cooler, funnier, kick more ass and be a better pilot, driver, lover and fighter than everyone he meets, regardless if they are a race of alien warriors, Earth Galactic Special Forces Commandos, cops or Trilithium miners. Oddly enough, an exception to this rule can be found in Star Trek. In an early episode, the Enterprise accidentally goes back in time and also accidentally knocks down a Tactical Air Command fighter jet in the 1960’s. The pilot turns out to not only be several hundred years behind on his history lessons, but is also quite useless for any real purpose other than being a subject for historical research in the 23rd century (they consider retraining him, but decide he is too old for it to be effective). The solution, involving time travel physics that are hokey even by Trek standards, involves dropping him back in his fighter before the Enterprise knocked it down, somehow both erasing his memory of the whole thing and managing to prevent his crashing to begin with. > [@Ranchoth](#): > > In any Utopian society, no one drives cars. In fact, most people walk everywhere. (C’mon, you’ve conquered war, poverty, disease, and pollution, and no one’s figured out how to make a '57 Chevy run on batteries?) Oh, they did. They even managed to make a Kawasaki Ninja motorcycle run on a crystaline-based fuel source with no polluting byproducts (and highly increased engine efficiency). The problem was, they couldn’t deal with Road Rage without mandatory populace-wide doses of Prozium. And we ALL know how THAT went. ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/158 "2006-01-28T15:20:50Z")
Somehow, books and literacy completely disappear. ---
**Author:** ![Linty\_Fresh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Linty\_Fresh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linty_Fresh)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/159 "2006-01-28T16:12:15Z")
In the long run, it makes more sense for a brilliant scientist to drag his reluctant civilian family (including two pre-adolescents) along on a long term dangerous mission instead of personally training a crew of motivated, unattached pilots and scientists to do the dirty work while he monitors and advises them from the safety of earth. Also, because computer glitches are a thing of the past, no one feels the need to rotate the pilots so that one can be at the controls at all times to at least make sure that the autopilot doesn’t freak out and crash land the ship on Pluto. Pre-adolescent kids from the future will look at humongous man-eating bug-monsters standing three feet away from them and go “Wow” or “Far out!” instead of screaming, crying and being traumatized for the rest of their lives. even if they do somehow manage to get away. If you’re a somewhat well-built man in your 70’s, and you’re wearing a tuxedo, all you have to do is smile devilishly at a 25-year-old former Miss Universe, and she will want to have your children. (Whoops, sorry, that’s something I learned from James Bond.) ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542/160 "2006-01-28T16:28:19Z")
> [@Linty Fresh](#): > > If you’re a somewhat well-built man in your 70’s, and you’re wearing a tuxedo, all you have to do is smile devilishly at a 25-year-old former Miss Universe, and she will want to have your children. (Whoops, sorry, that’s something I learned from James Bond.) Nah, that fits right in with the thread. Heinlein sure seemed convinced of it, at least. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-science-fiction/341542.md?page=9)