# Things I Have Learnt From Westerns... **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 18, 2007, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-westerns/392739 "2007-02-18T21:28:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-westerns/392739/21 "2007-02-19T00:56:34Z")
If you want to go out on the porch for a nice smoke in the evening air just make sure there’s nobody within 100 yards of the house. Otherwise somebody’s liable to throw a knife and stick it in the post next to your head or else an arrow will do pretty much the same thing. It won’t do any good to go out to chase them because they’re already gone – like the wind. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-westerns/392739/22 "2007-02-19T01:07:36Z")
Horses were pretty tough in the old west. Our Hero could tie his trusty mount to the hitchin’ post, go into the saloon for a few hours, and when he came out, his horse not only hadn’t needed to answer a call of nature, but even without water, was fresh and ready to go off on a 20-mile ride at full gallop. No saloon card game was ever honest. Either that or standard card decks at that time had at least five aces. ---
**Author:** ![zamboniracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e9a140/32.png) [@zamboniracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zamboniracer)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-westerns/392739/23 "2007-02-19T01:24:22Z")
Piano players and “noble Indians” had the life expectancy of _Spinal Tap_ drummers. ---
**Author:** ![magellan01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@magellan01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magellan01)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-westerns/392739/24 "2007-02-19T01:57:10Z")
It is impossible for anyone important to die in a massive gunfight. So if I get a time machiine and travel back to the old west I’m ge3tting a bunch opf guys and just having massive gunfights. Because I will be the star._glimmer_ 😃 ---
**Author:** ![TV\_time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f17d59/32.png) [@TV\_time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TV_time)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-westerns/392739/25 "2007-02-19T02:21:24Z")
Most doctors were drunks and all were better at their jobs than modern practioners by any measurement. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-westerns/392739/26 "2007-02-19T02:54:17Z")
In the Old West, serious profanity had not yet been invented. Pretty much any problem can be sorted out by a single U.S. Marshal. The gayest-acting man is always the villain; the gayest-dressed man is always the hero. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-westerns/392739/27 "2007-02-19T02:59:17Z")
The way to exit the bordello is through the window and leap onto your horse’s saddle. Whores never stink and are always clean and pristine. Lawmen and gunfighters, never are redheads. ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-westerns/392739/28 "2007-02-19T03:00:09Z")
[QUOTE=Omniscient] Every saloon and hotel had a spunky prostitute with a heart of gold. Her entire business consisted of rejecting the advances of lawmen, rustlers and newcomers. [/QUOTE] I believe the **Hooker with a Heart of Gold** can be found in many places besides the ole west ---
**Author:** ![Labtrash](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/labtrash/32/528_2.png) [@Labtrash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labtrash)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-westerns/392739/29 "2007-02-19T03:01:12Z")
> [@](#): > > In the Old West, serious profanity had not yet been invented. Apparently you’ve never seen _Deadwood._ ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-westerns/392739/30 "2007-02-19T03:06:14Z")
If you eat beans, you will fart. :eek: However, even if everyone round a campfire farts 😃 , the campfire flame will not change colour. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-westerns/392739/31 "2007-02-19T03:06:48Z")
Preacher is the most common name of a conman, followed by doctor. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-westerns/392739/32 "2007-02-19T03:10:48Z")
All Native Americans wear the ceremonial headdresses of medicine men into battle. All stagecoaches have modern truck tires (as evidenced by the tracks visible in a “from the coach viewpoint” of any bad guy/Indian chase. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-westerns/392739/33 "2007-02-19T03:31:29Z")
People like to chase trains on horses that achieve the speed of a cheatahs, all for the purpose of getting the mail. All indians lived in a teepee. ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-westerns/392739/34 "2007-02-19T03:56:49Z")
[QUOTE=labtrash] Apparently you’ve never seen _Deadwood._ [/QUOTE] Everything that bad westerns got wrong, Deadwood got right, didn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-westerns/392739/35 "2007-02-19T04:10:20Z")
Whites stay white even going on a dusty trail all day. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-westerns/392739/36 "2007-02-19T04:23:56Z")
People from “back East” are rare: apparently, the West was settled mostly by people who already lived there. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-westerns/392739/37 "2007-02-19T04:27:32Z")
Even Clint Eastwood can break out in song. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-westerns/392739/38 "2007-02-19T04:29:53Z")
Better phrased as “Even Clint Eastwood can break out in something that in no way resembles singing, no sir.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Spoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-westerns/392739/39 "2007-02-19T04:36:23Z")
In the Old West via the 1960s, everyone wore vests. The vest merchant was the richest man in town. In the Old West, no one ever got shot in the head. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-westerns/392739/40 "2007-02-19T04:40:24Z")
> [@Zeldar](#): > > It’s best to sleep on your blanket and cover yourself with your hat. I dunno about the hat thing, but the ground definitely has a much greater heat capacity than the air does; thus, shielding yourself from the cold ground is actually better than insulation from air that’s even colder. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-westerns/392739.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-have-learnt-from-westerns/392739.md?page=3)