If you want to go out on the porch for a nice smoke in the evening air just make sure there’s nobody within 100 yards of the house. Otherwise somebody’s liable to throw a knife and stick it in the post next to your head or else an arrow will do pretty much the same thing. It won’t do any good to go out to chase them because they’re already gone – like the wind.
Horses were pretty tough in the old west. Our Hero could tie his trusty mount to the hitchin’ post, go into the saloon for a few hours, and when he came out, his horse not only hadn’t needed to answer a call of nature, but even without water, was fresh and ready to go off on a 20-mile ride at full gallop.
No saloon card game was ever honest. Either that or standard card decks at that time had at least five aces.
Piano players and “noble Indians” had the life expectancy of Spinal Tap drummers.
It is impossible for anyone important to die in a massive gunfight. So if I get a time machiine and travel back to the old west I’m ge3tting a bunch opf guys and just having massive gunfights. Because I will be the star.glimmer 
Most doctors were drunks and all were better at their jobs than modern practioners by any measurement.
In the Old West, serious profanity had not yet been invented.
Pretty much any problem can be sorted out by a single U.S. Marshal.
The gayest-acting man is always the villain; the gayest-dressed man is always the hero.
The way to exit the bordello is through the window and leap onto your horse’s saddle.
Whores never stink and are always clean and pristine.
Lawmen and gunfighters, never are redheads.
I believe the Hooker with a Heart of Gold can be found in many places besides the ole west
Apparently you’ve never seen Deadwood.
If you eat beans, you will fart. :eek:
However, even if everyone round a campfire farts , the campfire flame will not change colour. 
Preacher is the most common name of a conman, followed by doctor.
All Native Americans wear the ceremonial headdresses of medicine men into battle.
All stagecoaches have modern truck tires (as evidenced by the tracks visible in a “from the coach viewpoint” of any bad guy/Indian chase.
People like to chase trains on horses that achieve the speed of a cheatahs, all for the purpose of getting the mail.
All indians lived in a teepee.
Everything that bad westerns got wrong, Deadwood got right, didn’t it?
Whites stay white even going on a dusty trail all day.
People from “back East” are rare: apparently, the West was settled mostly by people who already lived there.
Even Clint Eastwood can break out in song.
Better phrased as “Even Clint Eastwood can break out in something that in no way resembles singing, no sir.”
In the Old West via the 1960s, everyone wore vests. The vest merchant was the richest man in town.
In the Old West, no one ever got shot in the head.
I dunno about the hat thing, but the ground definitely has a much greater heat capacity than the air does; thus, shielding yourself from the cold ground is actually better than insulation from air that’s even colder.