# Things I learned from watching TV cop shows **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** tv-shows-scripted\ **Created:** [May 9, 2023, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-learned-from-watching-tv-cop-shows/983820 "2023-05-09T18:54:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Celtic\_Kitsune](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/celtic_kitsune/32/12086_2.png) [@Celtic\_Kitsune](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celtic_Kitsune)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2023, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-learned-from-watching-tv-cop-shows/983820/101 "2023-05-12T02:19:55Z")
> [@Ike\_Witt](#): > > [Evelyn McHale](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evelyn_McHale) AKA ‘The most beautiful suicide’. I never saw that photo before. Given what she put in her suicide note its more than a bit ironic that she’s become so famous after her death. ---
**Author:** ![Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmer_j.fudd/32/1211_2.png) [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2023, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-learned-from-watching-tv-cop-shows/983820/102 "2023-05-12T02:30:32Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > I take it you’ve either had your prostate removed or you’ve got a voluminous bladder taped to your leg. Or both. 🤭 One more reason for a big cup. ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2023, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-learned-from-watching-tv-cop-shows/983820/103 "2023-05-12T02:37:07Z")
I hardly ever watch these shows. So I assume John Mulaney’s hilarious comedy sketch about Law And Order is true. (Officer showing picture to bartender: Did you see this woman? Bartender: Yeah, she came in last Friday. Officer: Did she seem upset? Bartender: No. She was smiling… guy she was with though… they left around 9:34, 9:35… Mulaney; Which New York do these people live in? I’ve got roommates I can’t even recognize…) ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2023, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-learned-from-watching-tv-cop-shows/983820/104 "2023-05-12T02:41:02Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > If there are a lot of people to transport, and you want an actual bus, I have no idea what to ask for. A boat. At least that’s what we called it on my job. No idea why. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2023, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-learned-from-watching-tv-cop-shows/983820/105 "2023-05-12T03:25:53Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > A boat. At least that’s what we called it on my job. No idea why. Okay, then what do you call for if you need to get people off an island? ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2023, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-learned-from-watching-tv-cop-shows/983820/106 "2023-05-12T03:28:38Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Okay, then what do you call for if you need to get people off an island? That never came up. We transported prisoners by cars, vans, and buses. And I recall situations where they were transported by plane or helicopter. But I never saw a prisoner transported on an actual boat. ---
**Author:** ![abcdefghij](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/43a26b/32.png) [@abcdefghij](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/abcdefghij)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2023, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-learned-from-watching-tv-cop-shows/983820/107 "2023-05-12T03:50:04Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Okay, then what do you call for if you need to get people off an island? An ambulance, obviously ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2023, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-learned-from-watching-tv-cop-shows/983820/108 "2023-05-12T04:03:15Z")
Maybe it’s been said already, but this: An armed criminal tells the cop to drop their gun, and they do. ---
**Author:** ![fedman1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e495f1/32.png) [@fedman1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fedman1)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2023, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-learned-from-watching-tv-cop-shows/983820/109 "2023-05-12T05:12:28Z")
and NCIS has access to every security camera in town, burn phones, and credit card usage ---
**Author:** ![dorvann](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/df705f/32.png) [@dorvann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dorvann)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2023, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-learned-from-watching-tv-cop-shows/983820/110 "2023-05-12T05:20:40Z")
Either that or or insult the suspect by saying he was NOT smart enough to have committed the crime and they will get so angry they will give a full confession explaining just how smart they were by explaining every detail. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2023, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-learned-from-watching-tv-cop-shows/983820/111 "2023-05-12T05:27:05Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > Heck I probably couldn’t tell you what I was doing on any given evening any longer I watch so many mystery/detective/thriller shows that I feel like I should go out and at least be seen in a bar every night… just in case I need an alibi. Barkeep: “Whad’ll ya have?” _Me: “Oh, nothing for me.”_ Barkeep: “Okay…something to eat?” _Me: “No, I’m just here to be seen.”_ Barkeep: “Hey, this ain’t that kinda joint!” _Me: “Oh, are you going to throw me bodily out the back door? Oh, goodie, then you’ll remember that I was in here at 12:01 am, often the time of death.”_ Barkeep: “Buddy, now I ain’t gonna touch ya, it might be contagious.” ---
**Author:** ![Stanislaus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stanislaus/32/3391_2.png) [@Stanislaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stanislaus)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2023, 9:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-learned-from-watching-tv-cop-shows/983820/112 "2023-05-12T09:03:55Z")
Nevermind ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2023, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-learned-from-watching-tv-cop-shows/983820/113 "2023-05-12T12:46:16Z")
> [@Tripler](#): > > Forensics laboratories are normally staffed by young, good looking people, that really don’t have anything to do otherwise than jump on _your priority case_ _ **right now** _! And the lab is not brightly lit with overhead fluorescent lighting, as you might expect. Instead it’s very dimly lit with just a few colored gel lights, more like a nightclub than a lab. ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2023, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-learned-from-watching-tv-cop-shows/983820/114 "2023-05-12T17:14:29Z")
I heard _The X-Files_ introduced that low lighting on their shows as a cost-saving issue. Other shows picked up on it, because it _was_ cheaper, and they liked the effect. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2023, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-learned-from-watching-tv-cop-shows/983820/115 "2023-05-12T17:25:18Z")
(I didn’t read the whole thread.) If you walk up to the front door of a house/apartment and it is standing slightly open, there will **always** be at least one dead body inside. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2023, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-learned-from-watching-tv-cop-shows/983820/116 "2023-05-12T17:26:28Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > I learned that there’s no such things as an ambulance. When someone is hurt, you call for a “bus”. Ambuthumbs. Can’t forget the Ambuthumbs! The ambulance will immediately depart as soon as the detective whaps the back of the ambulance with his hand _twice_ when he’s done with the suspect. Nevermind what procedure the paramedic is doing in the back. Nevermind that in most ambulances the cab is physically separate from the patient box & they’re in the middle of a big city with all of the horns honking, sirens wailing & other big city background noise; nope, the driver will instantly hear that magic double whap & drive off because a random cop has more authority on patient care than his own paramedic partner who’s actually doing patient care. > [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > If there are a lot of people to transport, and you want an actual bus, I have no idea what to ask for. Our jurisdiction would use lots of ambuli. There are a few buses that have been converted to rehab ambulances - to treat firefighters with water, ice, a place to sit out of the sun but they just sit at the scene & don’t transport. A regular bus may be called in to assist displaced residents to get out the elements. Sorry for the factual hijack. > [@TriPolar](#): > > When they are just looking for any evidence they can use, even if the data is well hidden random bits of C coding along with random binary and hex dumps will scroll out on the screen for a few seconds before popping up an image of the precise evidence needed, even though they didn’t know exactly what they were looking for. & they will _instantly_ find **HD** surveillance footage of the perp detailed enough to make out the name brand of cigarette he’s smoking even though they don’t know when or even if he was there or what direction he came from or went when he left. It won’t be anything like actual surveillance footage they release of real suspects; yanno the ones you see it on the news & say to yourself, “okay, I’m pretty sure they’re bipedal but not entirely sure they’re human, let alone if they’re white/black or fe/male because it’s just such poor quality.” ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2023, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-learned-from-watching-tv-cop-shows/983820/117 "2023-05-12T19:55:16Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > If you walk up to the front door of a house/apartment and it is standing slightly open, there will **always** be at least one dead body inside. Yep. Or evidence of a struggle and a missing person, assumed abducted. And why are they now calling the police car a “shop”? ---
**Author:** ![iamatractorboy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iamatractorboy/32/21261_2.png) [@iamatractorboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamatractorboy)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2023, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-learned-from-watching-tv-cop-shows/983820/118 "2023-05-12T20:43:32Z")
Why do TV criminals ALWAYS leave the door ajar when they leave the scene of the crime? Dead giveaway for any passers by that something bad went down inside. Just shut the damn door and the crime may go unnoticed for days. ---
**Author:** ![Lare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/53a042/32.png) [@Lare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lare)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2023, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-learned-from-watching-tv-cop-shows/983820/119 "2023-05-12T21:30:20Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > I don’t think the issue is whether it’s permissible if I’m a suspect, it’s how important it is in my life. I didn’t realize until watching TV shows that the brutal murder of a close acquaintance or colleague is something that I really should not be too concerned with. As a witness, why should I dedicate more than a couple of minutes to helping the police with their questions when I have to go and pick up my dry cleaning before the shop closes? Thanks, **Riemann,** that’s just what I came back to say. Sure, unless being detained or in custody I _can_ leave, doing so may not be in my best interest, especially for something trivial compared to, say, a murder investigation. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2023, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-learned-from-watching-tv-cop-shows/983820/120 "2023-05-12T22:01:42Z")
> [@iamatractorboy](#): > > Why do TV criminals ALWAYS leave the door ajar when they leave the scene of the crime? Dead giveaway for any passers by that something bad went down inside. Just shut the damn door and the crime may go unnoticed for days. There’s a good Lennie moment on _Law & Order_ where a building super let’s him and Rey into the apartment of a possible murder victim. Lennie: “Do you smoke cigars?” Super: “Yeah.” Lennie: “Light one.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-learned-from-watching-tv-cop-shows/983820.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-learned-from-watching-tv-cop-shows/983820.md?page=7)