# Things I Really Didn't Want to Know **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 18, 1999, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-really-didnt-want-to-know/9584 "1999-10-18T04:35:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![\_00\_The\_Fool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/ed655f/32.png) [@\_00\_The\_Fool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_00_The_Fool)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 1999, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-really-didnt-want-to-know/9584/1 "1999-10-18T04:35:00Z")
Inspired by Momotaro’s suggestion on the ( now defunct ) “firehose piss” thread, I am starting this thread so we can talk about really gross stuff we wish we never heard of. Ever notice that whenever someone says, "believe me, you don’t want to know, " it only increases your curiosity? Of course, you don’t know that you don’t want to know something until you already know it. But I digress. ## I really didn’t want to know that sunbear had a friend with two urethra. I also wish I’d never even heard the word “felching” before in my entire life. Nor did I want to know that Squirrelcub had actually done the aforementioned unusual sex act. Eeeeeew. . . “Oh we were brought up on the Space-Race, now they expect us to clean toilets. When you have seen how big the world is how can you make do with this?” Pulp, “Glory Days” ---
**Author:** ![SterlingNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8dc957/32.png) [@SterlingNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SterlingNorth)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 1999, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-really-didnt-want-to-know/9584/2 "1999-10-18T04:41:00Z")
What the heck is “felching”? ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 1999, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-really-didnt-want-to-know/9584/3 "1999-10-18T04:49:00Z")
Sterling, you don’t want to know. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 1999, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-really-didnt-want-to-know/9584/4 "1999-10-18T04:57:00Z")
I love AM radio’s “John and Ken” show, but when John told the story about his Asian nanny (don’t know her exact country of origin) putting her mouth over his baby’s nose and _sucking the snot out of it_, I thought I was going to lose my lunch. It seems that particular conversation got the most calls of alarm and protest from listeners than anything else–including all the OJ and political crud they lambaste. Easy to see why, though, eh? Yuck. ---
**Author:** ![\_00\_The\_Fool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/ed655f/32.png) [@\_00\_The\_Fool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_00_The_Fool)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 1999, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-really-didnt-want-to-know/9584/5 "1999-10-18T05:11:00Z")
Sterling, the definition of “felching” can be found here: [http://www.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/001755.html](http://www.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/001755.html) But you **really** don’t want to know. 😉 * * * “Oh we were brought up on the Space-Race, now they expect us to clean toilets. When you have seen how big the world is how can you make do with this?” Pulp, “Glory Days” ---
**Author:** ![kellibelli](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e480ec/32.png) [@kellibelli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kellibelli)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 1999, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-really-didnt-want-to-know/9584/6 "1999-10-18T12:20:00Z")
Fool, I know what you mean…I cant stop thinking about it, and I cant TELL anyone in my ‘real life’ or they will think I am cruising some wierd sex site or something, and I just _know_ this is all making Sqrlcub feel all wierd, and I really LIKE him, and I dont want him to feel awkward. Ack! ---
**Author:** ![Momotaro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2bfe46/32.png) [@Momotaro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Momotaro)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 1999, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-really-didnt-want-to-know/9584/7 "1999-10-18T13:17:00Z")
Fool, you posted it! Congratulation on doing something I hadn’t dared to. Now I’m sure we’ll learn lots of disturbing stuff that we NEVER wanted to know. Of course I won’t be able to keep myself from reading it anyway… Eew! I hadn’t heard about what LauraRea is refering to, but just reading it made _me_ come damn near losing my lunch. Mmmh, can’t find ‘felching’ in my dictionary. I guess I’ll have to look it up in the thread. I hope it’s not _too_ disturbing 'cause my curiosity isn’t leaving me much choice. * * * Only humans commit inhuman acts. ---
**Author:** ![Momotaro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2bfe46/32.png) [@Momotaro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Momotaro)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 1999, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-really-didnt-want-to-know/9584/8 "1999-10-18T13:23:00Z")
AAAAAARGHHHHHHH!!!, PFUUUUI!!, I feel dirty just having read it. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 1999, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-really-didnt-want-to-know/9584/9 "1999-10-18T13:53:00Z")
Momotaro, I would just like to say - slightly off-topic - that if you’re really Japanese (and I believe you !), your English is fantastic. ## Take it from someone who can learn something from you 😉 Coldfire * * * “You know how complex women are” - Neil Peart, Rush (1993) ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Thin\_Skin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@Mr\_Thin\_Skin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Thin_Skin)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 1999, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-really-didnt-want-to-know/9584/10 "1999-10-18T14:02:00Z")
IMO Felching is that same as gerbilling: made up shit to slander homosexuals. SqrlCub, do you know of anyone who has done this? How about eating a chocolate bar out of someone’s bung. In that the prescribed methodology for that involved cleansing one’s anus/rectum/descending colon with an enema. As I recall, it was a UL. Also, for the mucus aspiration mentioned earlier, cultures differ: it’s not inherently bad. ---
**Author:** ![smilingjaws](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b782af/32.png) [@smilingjaws](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smilingjaws)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 1999, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-really-didnt-want-to-know/9584/11 "1999-10-19T05:22:00Z")
I have a friend who worked in the emergency room during her residency. I asked her did people really do the gerbil thing. She said they did, so I don’t think it’s slander. She also told me that she really hated it when fools came in with a cucumber stuck up their rear claiming to have been washing the veggies in the shower and happening to fall on them! Certainly more than I wanted to know! ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 1999, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-really-didnt-want-to-know/9584/12 "1999-10-19T05:48:00Z")
Smilingjaws, I’m sure you’re already aware that what you describe has been listed as one of the classic Urban Legends. In fact, there is a long dialogue between Cecil and whatsizname Shepherd who edits _News of th Weird_ on the gerbil thing. If she is willing to write them up for a medical journal, she’ll probably get a lot of press. On the other hand, you might be pulling our legs on this one. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![smilingjaws](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b782af/32.png) [@smilingjaws](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smilingjaws)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 1999, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-really-didnt-want-to-know/9584/13 "1999-10-18T19:07:00Z")
Polycarp, I know this is supposed to be an urban legend 🙂 That’s why I asked my friend if it really happened–I couldn’t believe anybody would be that stupid and cruel to animals! (I also asked why they didn’t report it to the police to be prosecuted, but that’s another story!) I don’t think she was pulling my leg–by golly I sure hope there is nobody on earth doing that sort of thing. But, given the mentality of the human race and the fact that it has been so widely publicized, I’m sure somebody has tried it besides the person named on this topic! ---
**Author:** ![Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/earl_snake-hips_tucker/32/3269_2.png) [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 1999, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-really-didnt-want-to-know/9584/14 "1999-10-18T19:11:00Z")
Realizing that your parents still have sex. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 1999, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-really-didnt-want-to-know/9584/15 "1999-10-18T21:28:00Z")
## Your mom talking about menopauze… Coldfire * * * “You know how complex women are” - Neil Peart, Rush (1993) ---
**Author:** ![smilingjaws](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b782af/32.png) [@smilingjaws](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smilingjaws)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 1999, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-really-didnt-want-to-know/9584/16 "1999-10-18T21:34:00Z")
Not just realizing that your parents have sex ,but that they ENJOY it! I saw a sex manual in my mother’s bedside table! YUK ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 1999, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-really-didnt-want-to-know/9584/17 "1999-10-18T21:37:00Z")
I really didn’t need to know that Coldfire was driving a Ford Ka. For a continent that makes such great cars, why does the average guy drive such a ridiculous skateboard. I realize not everyone can afford the Porsches and Lambos, but come on the Ford Ka? Are the streets really that congested that you need a car that small? I like the Peugeot much better. Call me yankee if you want, but I just don’t get it. * * * “The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” - _Humphrey Bogart_ ---
**Author:** ![metroshane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@metroshane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/metroshane)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 1999, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-really-didnt-want-to-know/9584/18 "1999-10-18T21:41:00Z")
Polycarp is there a link to dialog between cecil and shepard? ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 1999, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-really-didnt-want-to-know/9584/19 "1999-10-18T22:02:00Z")
UncleBeer, Just to set your mind at ease: you mixed the two cars up. Thank God, I only drove that terrible Ford Ka for just about 5 days - before getting my Peugeot 306 back from the garage. And YES, it is a much prettier car 😉 ## I would never buy a Porsche - I think they’re kinda tacky - but I’m sorry to report the desired Ferrari is out of reach for the moment too… although I could buy a vintage 512 BB for about 100,000 Guilders (say, USD 45,000), which is, let’s say, a rather not so distant possibility. But then there’s the maintenance and I hear the fuel milage is rather poor on these 12 cilinders too 🙂 Coldfire * * * “You know how complex women are” - Neil Peart, Rush (1993) ---
**Author:** ![neuro-trash\_grrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3ab097/32.png) [@neuro-trash\_grrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neuro-trash_grrrl)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 1999, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-really-didnt-want-to-know/9584/20 "1999-10-18T22:27:00Z")
How about visiting your ex-girlfriend, with whom you broke up only recently, picking a book up off the coffee table, and having a photograph of her and her new flavor-of-the-week in a compromising position drop out into your lap? That almost made me lose my lunch. * * * Modest? You bet I’m modest! I am the queen of modesty! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-i-really-didnt-want-to-know/9584.md?page=2)