# Things in porn that baffle/amuse you **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 20, 2002, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-in-porn-that-baffle-amuse-you/104629 "2002-04-20T03:40:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Du\_Hast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f0a364/32.png) [@Du\_Hast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Du_Hast)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2002, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-in-porn-that-baffle-amuse-you/104629/21 "2002-04-20T13:55:10Z")
One time I was watching a porn movie: _two women start making out. One takes off the others shirt and bra. They begin licking each others tits. They soon engage in all out lesbian sex_ _I start jacking it_ _Just as I’m about to cum, cut to a shot of the World Trade Center_ I kid you not. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2002, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-in-porn-that-baffle-amuse-you/104629/22 "2002-04-20T14:56:11Z")
“I love watching gay porn. I fuckin love it. Joey Stephano… [cries] I can’t even talk about him, okay? I have an autographed copy of _The River_ beside my bed. I love it because the guys are fucking hot. But in straight porn, the actresses are all beautiful, and the men are the hairiest, most disgusting, Java Man, short-hair-on-top-long-hair-down-the-back men you’ll ever see. It’s because porn is made for men, and straight men don’t want to have an inkling, even a possibility of a chance that they might get turned on by the _guy_ in the movie, and accidentally have a **homo moment.** ” -Margaret Cho “So I’m in my hotel room, and I turn on porno, _by accident,_ and right away, two chicks doin’ it, man, and I’m like, ‘bonus!’ So I start watching this, and I’m thinking, this is not lesbian sex. Porn is made by straight men for straight men, so it’s their CONCEPT of what lesbian sex is… And they’ve got these babes, there’s nothing remotely dykey about these women, with this BIG HAIR and these BIG TITS - because straight men like big tits, but obviously they don’t like REAL TITS, because these tits are really high - the tits are on their forehead! the tits are on their forehead! they’ve got these big old plastic bazooka things on their forehead, they’re so hard you could throw a quarter at it and it would bounce off and put your eye out. So they’ve got this BIG HAIR and these BIG TITS and then they have these _ **NAILS!** _ These TALONS! These CLAWS! How the fuck do you have lesbian sex with nails like that? Let me interpret for you, because you may be lesbian-impaired, sir, but those nails are a YEAST INFECTION WAITING TO HAPPEN. She’d be like ‘can I touch you’ and you’d be, AAAAAAAAAAGH!!!” - Lea Delaria ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2002, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-in-porn-that-baffle-amuse-you/104629/23 "2002-04-20T17:37:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by matt\_mcl \* > **"I love watching gay porn. I fuckin love it. Joey Stephano… [cries] I can’t even talk about him, okay? I have an autographed copy of _The River_ beside my bed. …" > -Margaret Cho** Not to hijack, but… Joey Stefano. Oh. My. God. And I mean that in the most literal sense. I miss him. _cries myself_ jayjay (going off to be by himself with a circa 1992 copy of _Adam Gay Video_…) ---
**Author:** ![Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c77e96/32.png) [@Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Speaker_for_the_Dead)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2002, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-in-porn-that-baffle-amuse-you/104629/24 "2002-04-20T22:35:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by OpalCat \* > \*\* > > thongs aren’t hooker clothing. They’re more comfortable underwear (hey, you’re gonna get a wedgie anyway, might as well have one that only has 1" of fabric) > > \*\* I meant those in seperate categories, like this [ul] Thongs Stockings Fishnet Any hooker clothing [/ul] ---
**Author:** ![ratty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ccd318/32.png) [@ratty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratty)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2002, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-in-porn-that-baffle-amuse-you/104629/25 "2002-04-20T23:37:53Z")
Okay, maybe I just have not watched enough porn, but I always see women with bare feet, and their feet are always dirty! This is actually a joke we have in my family, that women in porn always have dirty feet. I’d be interested to see some actual gay/lesbian porn though- is it more “realistic” (insofar as screwing your cable guy is “realistic”) than straight porn? I never really thought about this before, not being much of a porn-watcher, but I guess long nails really would be a hindrance, and would not be very sanitary. I have noticed the screaming ugliness of many porn men, though. I agree with the “homo moment” theory. My b/f disagrees, of course. This is obviously more of my “feminist crap.” But then, he is a porn fan, and not too secure in his own sexuality, I guess, since the word “fag” is an insult to him. :rolleyes: (We’re fighting at the moment- is it too obvious?) ---
**Author:** ![MrAndrewV](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@MrAndrewV](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrAndrewV)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2002, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-in-porn-that-baffle-amuse-you/104629/26 "2002-04-21T22:10:11Z")
I recently saw some old ‘48-hours’ or something special on porn movies and they answered the question you had about the really ugly guys. Basically the porn directors said that they believe that many of their viewers are insecure about their own bodies. Thus watching a really good looking guy shagging a really good looking girls is just going to make them envious and depressed whereas watching some devoluted monster shagging many hot women will make them think that maybe they have a chance too. However they also said that nowadays no-one does that anymore thanx to: Masters and Johnson! That’s right! The greatest research team since ‘Kinsey and His Millions’ have come to the rescue of human sexuality yet again! Basically M&J showed that nowadays over 30% of all pornography is consumed by WOMEN. This is why modern pron features actors who are ALL good looking. It is also the reason why some porn sites have started featuring heterosexual sex that involves women penetrating their boyfriends. Apparently the idea of men getting off on prostate stimulation is a turn on for many women. Whatever. But I still dont understand the whole ‘50 pound breast’ thing. cheers ---
**Author:** ![Inky\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7feea3/32.png) [@Inky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inky_1)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2002, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-in-porn-that-baffle-amuse-you/104629/27 "2002-04-21T22:14:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ladydisco \* > **Inky, Your post totally reminded me of the Obscene Interiors site:** ROCK!! Thats is just about the coolest site I’ve seen all year! Thanks LD! ---
**Author:** ![hobgnoblin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hobgnoblin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hobgnoblin)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2002, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-in-porn-that-baffle-amuse-you/104629/28 "2002-04-21T23:07:31Z")
Slightly OT, but this _is_ kinda baffling to me: What’s up with the ‘pr0n’ spelling? I thought at first that it was just ‘l33t-speak’, but I’ve seen it used more and more lately by folks who weren’t ‘l33t-speaking’. Is it just guilt-waiving? ---
**Author:** ![Monster104](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Monster104](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monster104)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2002, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-in-porn-that-baffle-amuse-you/104629/29 "2002-04-21T23:10:36Z")
[obviously fake moaning] “ah…ah…ah…ah…ah…ah…ah…ah…Ah…Ah…AHH…AAAAHHH… AAAAIIIIIIIIYAAAAAAAAAAIAAAAAAIAIAAAAIAAAAAYAAAAAAIAAYYAAAIIAAYA …ah…ah…ah…ah…ah…ah…ah…ah…ah…ah AIIIIHHH…” [/ofm] ---
**Author:** ![Jonny\_T](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9f8e36/32.png) [@Jonny\_T](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonny_T)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2002, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-in-porn-that-baffle-amuse-you/104629/30 "2002-04-21T23:52:42Z")
One lesbian performing fellatio on a strap-on worn by another lesbian. Correct me if I’m wrong, but - WHO THE HELL IS GAINING FROM THIS? Er, or so my over-18 friends tell me, anyway. Jonny T. ---
**Author:** ![Hail\_Ants](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/dc4da7/32.png) [@Hail\_Ants](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hail_Ants)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2002, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-in-porn-that-baffle-amuse-you/104629/31 "2002-04-22T00:04:31Z")
Things in porn that baffle me? **Having a plot!** Porn Director: “Roll camera, Action! You two, start fucking!” “SPUNK!!” Porn Director: “Cut! Print!” Now, was that difficult? ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2002, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-in-porn-that-baffle-amuse-you/104629/32 "2002-04-22T00:25:39Z")
Shoes was the first thing that came to mind when I saw this thread. The best part of a porn movie is watching the would-be starlet stagger around trying to get her panties off without removing her stilletto heels. About the girl-girl strap-on fellatio: I always figured this was a weird hetero-porn thing, until I started looking at lesbian porn made by actual lesbians\*, and found even more of it than in hetero-lesbian-porn. Especially in butch/femme scenes. My best guess, as a non-psychologist non-lesbian who can’t get laid, is that it’s a role-playing thing. Sure is sexy, though. [sub]\*Under the theory that, if you want to learn how to really make a girl squeal in bed, lesbians have got to be the ultimate authority.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![bernse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@bernse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bernse)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2002, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-in-porn-that-baffle-amuse-you/104629/33 "2002-04-22T00:54:40Z")
The ease of which Anal Sex is usually started. I mean 1/2 the time the guy just rams it home. Sometimes you _may_ hear an “ow” but usually it is an “ooooooh”. I mean, is the sphincter on these women so loose that is just doesn’t matter anymore? That just can’t be healthy. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2002, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-in-porn-that-baffle-amuse-you/104629/34 "2002-04-22T02:15:15Z")
**matt\_mcl,** I just fell off my chair laughing at your reply in this thread! ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2002, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-in-porn-that-baffle-amuse-you/104629/35 "2002-04-22T02:28:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hobgnoblin \* > \*\*Slightly OT, but this _is_ kinda baffling to me: What’s up with the ‘pr0n’ spelling? I thought at first that it was just ‘l33t-speak’, but I’ve seen it used more and more lately by folks who weren’t ‘l33t-speaking’. Is it just guilt-waiving? \*\* Attempt to avoid showing up on search-engines under “porn”, and/or to avoid being nailed by kid-protection filters and workplace monitoring spyware. jrd ---
**Author:** ![JocoseBanter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ab992/32.png) [@JocoseBanter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JocoseBanter)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2002, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-in-porn-that-baffle-amuse-you/104629/36 "2002-04-22T03:22:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hobgnoblin \* > \*\*Slightly OT, but this _is_ kinda baffling to me: What’s up with the ‘pr0n’ spelling? I thought at first that it was just ‘l33t-speak’, but I’ve seen it used more and more lately by folks who weren’t ‘l33t-speaking’. Is it just guilt-waiving? \*\* The only place I’ve ever seen this is on [Fark](http://www.fark.com) where the purpose is to avoid the “adult content” filter. It may have spread from there. YMMV ---
**Author:** ![cheezit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c57346/32.png) [@cheezit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cheezit)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2002, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-in-porn-that-baffle-amuse-you/104629/37 "2002-04-22T03:28:54Z")
## quote: ## _Originally posted by Skijumper_ **Buck naked people doing it with their shoes on.** > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eutychus \* > \*\* > > One word : traction. \*\* And you would know this…how? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Griffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_Griffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Griffin)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2002, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-in-porn-that-baffle-amuse-you/104629/38 "2002-04-22T10:35:06Z")
I like hooker clothing. ---
**Author:** ![Francesca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2002, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-in-porn-that-baffle-amuse-you/104629/39 "2002-04-22T11:49:47Z")
When the guy, having been going at it with the lady from behind, takes his dick out and _thwaps her butt with his dick_. Why? Why is he doing this? ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2002, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-in-porn-that-baffle-amuse-you/104629/40 "2002-04-22T12:27:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by bernse \* > \*\*The ease of which Anal Sex is usually started. I mean 1/2 the time the guy just rams it home. Sometimes you _may_ hear an “ow” but usually it is an “ooooooh”. I mean, is the sphincter on these women so loose that is just doesn’t matter anymore? That just can’t be healthy. \*\* And when they use spit as a lube? What’s _that_ about? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-in-porn-that-baffle-amuse-you/104629.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-in-porn-that-baffle-amuse-you/104629.md?page=3)