# Things I've learned from War Movies **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 6, 2007, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ive-learned-from-war-movies/399017 "2007-04-06T19:21:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ive-learned-from-war-movies/399017/21 "2007-04-06T22:25:08Z")
Hot babes are surprisingly common on the front lines, and always treated respectfully when encountered. Who knew? ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ive-learned-from-war-movies/399017/22 "2007-04-06T22:30:12Z")
To add to that, heavily armed common soldiers invading an enemy country never rape the women. The only such rape that has ever occured was in “Casualties of War” in 1989. Never before, and never since. On the other hand, commanding officers frequently attempt to rape captive women, but only after dismissing their subordinates and locking the door with orders not to be disturbed. ---
**Author:** ![Jayrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Jayrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jayrot)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ive-learned-from-war-movies/399017/23 "2007-04-06T22:45:28Z")
What I learned from war movies: Basically, everyone is a soldier. No one repairs engines, cleans out latrines, or manages the paperwork involved in ordering supplies. We don’t know who takes care of all the infrastructure, and we don’t much care. Maybe the enemy does it for us. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ive-learned-from-war-movies/399017/24 "2007-04-06T22:52:30Z")
The enemy was us. We fought ourselves. I mean, we killed a few hundred thousand Vietnamese and all, but it was basically a bad thing for _us_. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ive-learned-from-war-movies/399017/25 "2007-04-06T22:55:03Z")
[QUOTE=Lemur866] The only such rape that has ever occured was in “Casualties of War” in 1989. Never before, and never since. [/QUOTE] Actually, I think there was a brief instance of rape shown in _Platoon_, in the village that subsequently gets torched. I may be misremembering. ---
**Author:** ![racer72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/racer72/32/3075_2.png) [@racer72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racer72)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ive-learned-from-war-movies/399017/26 "2007-04-06T23:00:59Z")
Everyone has an iron constitution and rarely has to go to the bathroom. Eating seems to be optional too. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ive-learned-from-war-movies/399017/27 "2007-04-06T23:03:00Z")
Critical events and decisions always happen in dramatic slo-mo. If the commander makers a bad decision, someone _always_ announces it’s a bad decision before the commander finishes speaking. ---
**Author:** ![phungi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/phungi/32/395_2.png) [@phungi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phungi)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ive-learned-from-war-movies/399017/28 "2007-04-06T23:06:44Z")
The person carrying the radio will never hunch completely down, out of the line of fire. He will be shot… through the radio pack itself. ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ive-learned-from-war-movies/399017/29 "2007-04-06T23:08:12Z")
[QUOTE=KneadToKnow] Subtitles will cost you a Best Cinematography nomination. [/QUOTE] 😕 Foreign language films have made up over 20% of the Best Cinematography nominees of the last 7 years–without question the highest percentage of any of the Oscar feature film categories (aside from Foreign Language Film, obviously). ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ive-learned-from-war-movies/399017/30 "2007-04-06T23:17:48Z")
There is always only one guy in the platoon (always a white guy) who wears glasses; they are invariably the big black Birth Control Glasses. The more entertaining the soldier is, the less likely he will be to survive. In fact, his death will tend to be particularly noteworthy (ie: Stabbed, killed by a booby trap, or blown up by a tank). Ioan Gruffudd always plays an officer. This officer is never of the same nationality as Ioan Gruffudd, and only rarely the same nationality as another officer he has played in a movie. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ive-learned-from-war-movies/399017/31 "2007-04-06T23:33:36Z")
Some poor soldier will get a Dear John letter from his bitchy girlfriend back home. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ive-learned-from-war-movies/399017/32 "2007-04-06T23:36:30Z")
“Incidentally, I would not have wanted Rambo in my rifle section: too volatile by half, and anyone who disdains a shirt in jungle country is asking for trouble.” George MacDonald Fraser, **The Hollywood History Of The World**. ---
**Author:** ![wevets](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e9a140/32.png) [@wevets](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wevets)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ive-learned-from-war-movies/399017/33 "2007-04-06T23:47:02Z")
Yelling “Incoming!” will always make shells far from the sky. It very likely is what summons the shells in the first place. No one ever gets jittery and says “Incoming!” as a false alarm. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2007, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ive-learned-from-war-movies/399017/34 "2007-04-07T01:06:37Z")
When the protagonist’s best friend gets killed–and they always do–the protagonist has to clutch said friend’s body to his chest, look up at the rainy sky, and cry “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” at the top of his lungs. It’s such a cliche that it’s a cliche to even mention it. ---
**Author:** ![WarmNPrickly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@WarmNPrickly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WarmNPrickly)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2007, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ive-learned-from-war-movies/399017/35 "2007-04-07T01:08:37Z")
The Germans actually spoke english with a German accent. POW camps are a lot like summer camp. Colonel in charge of the POW camp is usually a socially insecure wimp in need of approval from the POW’s. Getting in and out of a POW camp is like escaping from the girls dorm. The teepot has a microphone in it. ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2007, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ive-learned-from-war-movies/399017/36 "2007-04-07T01:18:46Z")
[QUOTE=Christopher] The Germans actually spoke english with a German accent. POW camps are a lot like summer camp. Colonel in charge of the POW camp is usually a socially insecure wimp in need of approval from the POW’s. Getting in and out of a POW camp is like escaping from the girls dorm. The teepot has a microphone in it. [/QUOTE] 1. As opposed to speaking English with a British accent like the Ancient Romans did? 😃 2. Tim Allen of “Home Improvement” fame once described in detail how summer camp is in fact a lot like an incarceration in a State penitentiary (he has experience with both) in his first book, _Never Stand To Close To A Naked Man_. So, another couple things I learned from war movies: The guy from Texas always talks with a lazy drawl, and is always cool during stressful situations. All Drill Instructors bear an uncanny resemblance to R Lee Ermy, even in the future. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2007, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ive-learned-from-war-movies/399017/37 "2007-04-07T01:37:49Z")
Every resident of the battle area is a member of the resistance and will risk not only their own lives, but the survival of the entire village to hide you or smuggle you back to your unit. An abbey full of cloistered nuns is never surprised to find an injured paratrooper in the courtyard. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Miskatonic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr.miskatonic/32/310_2.png) [@Mr.Miskatonic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Miskatonic)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2007, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ive-learned-from-war-movies/399017/38 "2007-04-07T02:40:38Z")
The Germans were somehow able to counterattack with massive numbers of men and tanks about 40 times per week. Stalin did everything, I mean everything, short of fighting. Including distribution of war material around Moscow. Shells make gas-bomb fireballs instead of throwing up loose debris from the ground. Every other soldier in Vietnam was Special Forces. ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2007, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ive-learned-from-war-movies/399017/39 "2007-04-07T02:53:40Z")
[QUOTE=Bryan Ekers] Actually, I think there was a brief instance of rape shown in _Platoon_, in the village that subsequently gets torched. I may be misremembering. [/QUOTE] No, you are correct. Charlie Sheen’s character comes upon a group of about 4 guys who have a Vietnamese preteen behind a tree. He makes a fuss and they let her go. But, we see that Sgt. Elias was aware of the assault but did nothing to stop it until Sheen’s character objected. ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2007, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ive-learned-from-war-movies/399017/40 "2007-04-07T02:56:22Z")
Never, ever play the harmonica. Doing so guarantees you’ll be the first in your platoon to stop a bullet. Same goes with showing your girlfriend’s picture. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ive-learned-from-war-movies/399017.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ive-learned-from-war-movies/399017.md?page=3)