# Things Klingons tell their children **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 28, 2002, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303 "2002-10-28T22:35:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2002, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/21 "2002-10-29T16:36:00Z")
Don’t eat your grack after it has crawled off onto the floor. It is yucky. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2002, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/22 "2002-10-29T16:44:09Z")
Clean your plate, quickly. Or else it will get away. Chew your food, don’t swallow it whole. It must be properly allowed to battle for its life. If all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you do it too? With honor? ---
**Author:** ![ChuckForbin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@ChuckForbin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChuckForbin)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2002, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/23 "2002-10-29T21:35:50Z")
Stop touching your GrokBith. You will lose the hair off of your palms ! ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2002, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/24 "2002-10-29T22:39:08Z")
\*–stop– –can’t breathe– –genius thread– –too many to single out for special praise– –gasp– –gasp–\* ---
**Author:** ![RadioWave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/91b2a8/32.png) [@RadioWave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RadioWave)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2002, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/25 "2002-10-29T23:46:49Z")
“It is the five second rule. Anything crawling on the floor for less than five seconds is not sufficiently dirty to eat” ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/26 "2002-10-30T01:00:14Z")
You have disgraced the family by cracking the Mogh’s window with a baseball. You must smash it completley! Kah’less said “If something is worth doing, it is worth doing well!” You may not sit at the breakfast table for the rest of your life. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/27 "2002-10-30T02:22:59Z")
If you do not sit down _this instant_ I will sever your spine. Then we will see who is running around bothering their sire! You want to marry a _doctor_? What about that nice Galron boy? He already has a police record as long as my arm! ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/28 "2002-10-30T03:34:21Z")
“Thank you for the pizza, Mr. Sherman!!” Er…did anyone see that “Critic” episode? ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/29 "2002-10-30T04:20:22Z")
You get in here this instant, Glurk son of Krag son of Moakkk son of Yak son of Korn son of Boogeda Boogeda son of Barf! Language like that will **not** be tolerated in this household, mister! Don’t let me catch you using those awful words – “please” and “thank you” – ever again! I don’t want you hanging around with that Kirk kid from across the sector anymore. He’s not our type of people. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/30 "2002-10-30T06:56:11Z")
You drink your bloodwine this instant, don’t you know there are children giggling on Qu’onos? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@The\_Tim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tim)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/31 "2002-10-30T07:16:21Z")
I loved the Klingon children on the Critic. Back to the thread: “Rest now so we can awaken early and be alert to battle our neighbors to the death for dishonoring us with their ill kept lawn.” ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/32 "2002-10-30T07:53:58Z")
You two! Start fighting right now or else! And just in case you find yourselves about mate you need to use protection. Here is the helmet and shield. If you don’t change your ways you will be sent to pacifism school. I don’t want you playing with that Worf kid. His great-great-great- great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grand father once spared an enemy in battle. ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/33 "2002-10-30T08:09:06Z")
You play _Grand Theft Targ_ and stop for pedestrians? You dishonor us all! ---
**Author:** ![Tristan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tristan/32/18058_2.png) [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/34 "2002-10-30T10:47:26Z")
Another school shooting? 15 dead? What an atrociously low body count… I would be ashamed of that child, were I her parent. Listen and pay heed… there comes a time in every young warriors life when he feels a special need. He will notice the young females at school, and they will make him feel odd. When that happens, you must do the right thing… smash one in the head, and take her. Mark her well, so she knows she has been taken. To not bruise her is a dishonour to her. And if she beats you, you are no son of mine. ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/35 "2002-10-30T13:34:00Z")
> [@](#): > > I don’t know if it is canon or not, but it is generally accepted that they killed the previous owners of the space craft. This is to my knowledge a fandom brain bug. I’ve never found any canon reference to it. As to the first point, the Klingons originally were a powerful autocratic militaristic “Russians-in-Space” Empire. Then in TNG they became Viking Warriors. C’est la vie. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/36 "2002-10-30T13:41:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by carnivorousplant \* > \*\*You may not sit at the breakfast table for the rest of your life. \*\* I think this one is my favorite. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/37 "2002-10-30T14:23:50Z")
> [@](#): > > As to the first point, the Klingons originally were a powerful autocratic militaristic “Russians-in-Space” Empire. Then in TNG they became Viking Warriors. C’est la vie. I always thought of the new Klingon incarnation as “frat boys with bushido”, myself. ---
**Author:** ![Feynn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecb155/32.png) [@Feynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feynn)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/38 "2002-10-30T15:09:34Z")
Stop hitting your brother like that… try hitting him like THIS! Sure, it’s always fun until someone loses an eye, it’s when limbs get broken that it becomes a sport. Don’t make me come over there… You have dishonoured this family by fighting at school… and only getting a B. Go to the holosuite and practice with your Bat’leth until you get it right. What do you mean you have to go to the bathroom? You’ll just have to hold it until we get to the other side of the sector. Back in my day we didn’t have holosuites, we had to make our own fun. The weather outside is horrible, what are you doing lying around inside on such a day as this? Son, watch out for those young girls… they seem nince at first but just when you least expect it they will rip out and devour your heart. [to daughter] Enjoy your date, if that Mog boy tries anything funny strike him between the fourth and fifth vertabrae as I have taught you. He will not bother anyone again and you will bring honour to our family while dishonouring his. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/39 "2002-10-30T15:42:12Z")
Do not feel dishonored, Fluffy died a warrior’s death. We sent him to a house in the countryside and was killed while running down prey. ---
**Author:** ![Knighted\_Vorpal\_Sword](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ac91a4/32.png) [@Knighted\_Vorpal\_Sword](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knighted_Vorpal_Sword)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/40 "2002-10-30T16:03:30Z")
That _gach_ is perfectly good - look, it’s still moving! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303.md?page=3)