# Things Klingons tell their children **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 28, 2002, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303 "2002-10-28T22:35:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/41 "2002-10-30T16:56:30Z")
Get your ass over here, ya little _Romulan!_ ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/42 "2002-10-30T21:44:25Z")
“I am disappointed in your performance in the Little League game, son. The umpire called strike three on you, and you did not even bother to attack him! You had a **bat** right there in your hands, for Kahless’s sake!” ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/43 "2002-10-30T22:56:39Z")
Vote Republican! ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/44 "2002-10-30T23:02:42Z")
Because I said so, that is why. Why is the sky blue? What is wrong with your eyes? The sky is a dismal brownish/yellow. Come! To the optometrist! ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/45 "2002-10-30T23:36:56Z")
Don’t forget to sharpen your teeth before every battle! Eat your gack, for the glory of the Empire! No son of mine is going to shy away from a painstick! Come over here and take it like a true warrior. Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![Encinitas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Encinitas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Encinitas)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/46 "2002-10-30T23:39:43Z")
Don’t make me de-cloak this battle cruiser! ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/47 "2002-10-31T02:44:07Z")
Well, if your brother got a bigger slice of cake you must fight him for it. Spray it when you say it! ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/48 "2002-10-31T05:37:59Z")
A bird in the hand is not worth it! Blast the two in the bush! ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/49 "2002-10-31T05:44:43Z")
_Daddy, why did you fire a warning shot past that Federation vessel?_ “To announce our presence! It is dishonorable to sneak up on your enemies. You must charge into battle with a loud cry!” _Then why does our Bird of Prey have a cloaking device?_ “Um … uh … hey, look over there, son! A targ!” ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/50 "2002-10-31T17:51:32Z")
In honor of last night’s episode. Give a man a targ, he eats for a day. Kill him, chop him up into small pieces to bait your targ traps with, and you eat for weeks. Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/51 "2002-10-31T20:03:04Z")
Today is a good day to die. Or clean your room. It is your choice. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2002, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/52 "2002-11-01T00:05:05Z")
Do not play with your food! If you teach it to sit up and roll over, it will continue to do so in your stomach! ---
**Author:** ![JonScribe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3be4f8/32.png) [@JonScribe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JonScribe)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2002, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/53 "2002-11-01T00:37:56Z")
Don’t unwrinkle your nose at your food. If your friends jumped into the Fire Pits of Tor’Mul, I suppose you’d do that, too. And your father and I would be so proud. How many times do I have to tell you: When you borrow Daddy’s bat’leth, clean the blood from the blade and return it to his toolbox. ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2002, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/54 "2002-11-01T01:06:48Z")
Your lies make baby Kahless cry. **Klingon K’id** : But B’leck’s mom said he could go! **Mom** : B’leck’s Mom is a dishonorable pak’tah whore! I shall slay her immediatly! ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2002, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/55 "2002-11-01T06:36:08Z")
rut naHnay’a’ DaSop 'ej rut DuSop. Sometimes you get the salad bar and sometimes the salad bar gets you. ---
**Author:** ![Kilt-wearin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@Kilt-wearin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilt-wearin_man)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2002, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/56 "2002-11-02T05:22:50Z")
If you don’t eat your _gakh_, you can’t have any entrails!!! How can you have any entrails if you don’t finish your _gakh_?!?!? ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2002, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/57 "2002-11-02T05:35:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by photopat \* > \*\*Today is a good day to die. Or clean your room. It is your choice. \*\* My parents used to tell me this all the time. Well, maybe not those exact words…but I knew what they meant. ---
**Author:** ![Summers\_Son](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@Summers\_Son](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Summers_Son)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2002, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/58 "2002-11-08T12:59:58Z")
If you do not continue posting on this topic u shall not be brutally slain in a duel, but live a long life and die in your BED! ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2002, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/59 "2002-11-08T13:32:22Z")
Remember, if someone offers you ice cream on the playground, just say no! ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2002, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303/60 "2002-11-08T14:13:58Z")
To a neighbor: “Oh Klunk is doing quite well in the Peewee Warrior league. He just killed his first enemy, The coach saya he’s really got a taste for blood. So I hear your boy is studying to be a doctor. That’s…uh…nice.” To the child “For the last time you cannot see grandpa!” “Why?” “Because he disgraces his family by being old and still alive!” “If all of your friends jumped off a bridge for the glory of the empire wouldn’t you?” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-klingons-tell-their-children/134303.md?page=4)