# Things learned as the father of a week-old newborn... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 22, 2010, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-learned-as-the-father-of-a-week-old-newborn/565064 "2010-12-22T12:47:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Death\_of\_Rats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a6a055/32.png) [@Death\_of\_Rats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Death_of_Rats)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-learned-as-the-father-of-a-week-old-newborn/565064/21 "2010-12-22T20:34:18Z")
“Daddy” is definatly the best job in the world. Just keep reminding yourself that everything that comes out washes off. My daughter would wait until I had her legs lifted up to put the diaper under her then let loose with a Force 10 Pantsbuster™ that would make me weep with pride… Well, weep anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Turek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/turek/32/18782_2.png) [@Turek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turek)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-learned-as-the-father-of-a-week-old-newborn/565064/22 "2010-12-22T21:28:09Z")
According to Toby Ziegler,[they come with hats](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uk8akSWz2xc). ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-learned-as-the-father-of-a-week-old-newborn/565064/23 "2010-12-22T21:36:03Z")
In five months you are going to look back on the last week and think about how easy and peaceful it was and how much your baby slept! No, really- the first few weeks they sleep so much and you can do whatever you want because even when they are awake they just lie there- at 5 months they require entertainment and don’t sleep so much. the sleep deprivation is just beginning! irishbaby is 17 months, and now comes over to me, says “cuddle”, throws her arms around me and plants a kiss on my cheek. That is a good feeling. She still won’t say “mama” though (dada, her soft toys, the names of her childminder’s entire family and the rest of our family, yes…mama, no) ---
**Author:** ![FallenAngel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@FallenAngel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FallenAngel)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-learned-as-the-father-of-a-week-old-newborn/565064/24 "2010-12-22T22:37:00Z")
> [@Turek](#): > > According to Toby Ziegler,[they come with hats](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uk8akSWz2xc). I’m not even a father and that’s one of my favorite scenes in the history of television. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-learned-as-the-father-of-a-week-old-newborn/565064/25 "2010-12-22T22:43:52Z")
> [@mozchron](#): > > . . . And don’t get me started on projectile pooping. That’s a whole different thread. . . One of mine had a knack for shooting it out of one leg of his diaper. He grew out of it, but until he did I always had a baby blanket on my lap. Congratulations on your new learning project. You’re right, they are totally worth it. ---
**Author:** ![Elysium](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3be4f8/32.png) [@Elysium](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elysium)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-learned-as-the-father-of-a-week-old-newborn/565064/26 "2010-12-23T00:33:43Z")
Mine is 6 months and it’s been the coolest journey. I love watching his face as he figures out the world. The hiccups got worse when he was learning how to laugh. Every time he tried to laugh he just ended up giving himself the hiccups. So cute! ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Stilettos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/fbc32d/32.png) [@Red\_Stilettos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Stilettos)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-learned-as-the-father-of-a-week-old-newborn/565064/27 "2010-12-23T01:16:24Z")
> [@BobArrgh](#): > > May she always be comforted when you hold her. That is the sweetest wish I’ve ever heard. It brought tears to my eyes. Congratulations, mozchron! Thanks to you my clock is ticking even louder. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ludy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Ludy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludy)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-learned-as-the-father-of-a-week-old-newborn/565064/28 "2010-12-23T01:25:42Z")
I was so lucky with my little girl. For the first few months of her life she only pooed once a week. I kid you not. But when she did poo it was epic! For the first few week or two we were worried but she got a clean bill of health from the doc and after that we tried to plan for a babysitter for her poo night 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-learned-as-the-father-of-a-week-old-newborn/565064/29 "2010-12-23T01:53:05Z")
This thread brings tears to my eyes. ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-learned-as-the-father-of-a-week-old-newborn/565064/30 "2010-12-23T01:57:30Z")
The Rykid got hiccups all the time, but especially when he laughed. And, new fathers beware: Little bitty young’uns can do the projectile thing in two opposite directions simultaneously if their tummies are upset. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-learned-as-the-father-of-a-week-old-newborn/565064/31 "2010-12-23T03:11:23Z")
> [@BwanaBob](#): > > As dear as a baby girl is, you’re missing the fun of having a baby boy pee on you while trying to change his diaper. Regardless, enjoy these days; they fly by all too quickly. Who told you a baby girl can’t pee in your face? Because my niece was either very talented or you’ve just never been christened. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-learned-as-the-father-of-a-week-old-newborn/565064/32 "2010-12-23T05:39:25Z")
> [@mozchron](#): > > 1. Its worth it 100 times over. Maybe you think that now. You’ll reconsider in 10-18 years’ time. > [@Sunspace](#): > > This thread brings tears to my eyes. Baby pee does that. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-learned-as-the-father-of-a-week-old-newborn/565064/33 "2010-12-23T08:16:49Z")
I just remembered a one-two we had with the Kidlets. I’ve mentioned before that, until her son healed her of those notions, SiL-the-doctor used to think that “the average” was the most common value, the default value, and well, pretty much what happened every time. I’ve checked the curricula of a couple of Spanish medical schools out of curiosity and they don’t even have a “stats” course - some don’t even have a “maths”… so what’s a wonder is that we manage to have any epidemiologists worth their salt, but I digress. The Proud Parents were very surprised when The Kidlet was born with eyes wide open and following people’s movements up to 2-3 meters away (it was the first trait in which he fell squarely on Our Side). Years later, his sister would open her eyes only to a scrunched-up expression and didn’t follow movement, for the first few days. And their mom had a Revelation moment, and said out loud “wait a minute, when Kidlet was born, I was expecting exactly this kind of behavior and was freaked out that he wasn’t behaving as expected… and now that Kidlette behaves like they told me newborns do, I was about to freak out because she’s not behaving like Kidlet did? :facepalm:” Having kids has done wonders for the width of her expectations. I’d love those kids to bits if it was just for that. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-learned-as-the-father-of-a-week-old-newborn/565064/34 "2010-12-23T08:35:13Z")
I hope you haven’t learned this one yet; Babies held over your head makes them very nauseous. My step-dad learned that one the hard way 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-learned-as-the-father-of-a-week-old-newborn/565064.md?page=1)