# Things Mary probably never said to Jesus **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 9, 2003, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922 "2003-12-09T14:52:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2003, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/21 "2003-12-09T18:36:55Z")
Sure, sure–you’ve got time to raise the dead and heal the blind, but do you ever come to visit your mother? ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2003, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/22 "2003-12-09T18:39:02Z")
Peter’s a nice boy, but I don’t trust that sneaky Judas. He’ll come to no good end. Take your sandals off, they’re soaking. Have you been walking through water? Now, when we get to the temple, don’t make a fuss again. The money changers are just trying to make a living. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2003, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/23 "2003-12-09T18:58:10Z")
“Who died and made _you_ God?” ---
**Author:** ![Tomcat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Tomcat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tomcat)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2003, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/24 "2003-12-09T20:49:27Z")
Why is it that everytime I give you a handful of peanuts they end up on the floor? Oh, yeah, sure, I believe you! Everyone has a prostitute for a friend that they just _talk_ to! ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2003, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/25 "2003-12-09T21:25:22Z")
Next time you see that Father of yours, ask Him where my child support check is! ---
**Author:** ![jon\_pi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/48db29/32.png) [@jon\_pi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jon_pi)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2003, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/26 "2003-12-09T21:26:16Z")
I don’t know how you can love that dead-beat father of yours, 18 years and not a single child support check! I know you miss Fluffy, but I am not digging her back up! ---
**Author:** ![susie426](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/41988e/32.png) [@susie426](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susie426)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2003, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/27 "2003-12-09T21:38:01Z")
First you run off, then you start flappin your yapper at church to all the elders, then it’s OUR fault for not understanding???..I swear, we can’t take you ANYWHERE! ---
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2003, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/28 "2003-12-09T21:52:27Z")
Son, now that my dear husband Joseph has died, I think you should know…he wasn’t your _real_ father. ---
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2003, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/29 "2003-12-09T21:53:07Z")
Would you stop that? Haven’t you learned that crawling on water makes the Baby Jesus cry? ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2003, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/30 "2003-12-09T23:22:12Z")
Honey, the Hendersons from across the street asked me if you could cater their wedding in a month or too…something about being incredibly economical. Just wanted to let you know that friend of yours, I think his name was Judas, kept coming around and asking me where you were going to be on Thursday night. Said he had some kind of suprise for you. Typical. I let you you go to a party on a school night with all your friends, and the next morning I wake up to hear you’ve been arrested and sentenced to death. ---
**Author:** ![Macrophage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/87869e/32.png) [@Macrophage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macrophage)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2003, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/31 "2003-12-09T23:33:10Z")
Oh, sure, go out and save the world, I’ll be fine. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/32 "2003-12-10T00:11:04Z")
“Premarital _what_?” ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/33 "2003-12-10T00:14:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kallessa \* > Sure, sure–you’ve got time to raise the dead and heal the blind, but do you ever come to visit your mother? This has the most ;j ! ---
**Author:** ![shannablu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8baadc/32.png) [@shannablu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shannablu)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/34 "2003-12-10T00:30:38Z")
Oh, the trouble I went through to give birth to you. ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/35 "2003-12-10T01:47:35Z")
Oh, it fine for you, having a halo all the time. I can’t do anything with my hair. And I’m getting really tired of everybody calling me immaculate. Do you know how hard it is to keep up appearances? Our floor is _dirt_. I can never get it clean enough. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/36 "2003-12-10T02:04:16Z")
My boy stick with the carpentery, no-one is going to pay you to be a messiah. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/37 "2003-12-10T02:31:01Z")
(I wonder if Jesus ever spouted off to Joseph, “I don’t have to listen to you-you’re not my REAL dad!”) I don’t care WHAT the apostles are doing-if everyone else got themselves nailed to a tree, would you? ---
**Author:** ![Odinoneeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/97f17d/32.png) [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/38 "2003-12-10T05:46:35Z")
Pick me up a Big Mac and fries on your way home, will you? ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/39 "2003-12-10T05:54:53Z")
Mary: “Damn it! Get in here!” Our Lord and Saviour: “But, Mom! I’m Jesus Christ!” There’s always room for Jello pudding! I know, I know. Go to bed… ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/40 "2003-12-10T06:53:00Z")
You know, your father brought you into this world, and he can take you out. Sure, you can go swimming with your friends but don’t get your clothes wet. Some friends invited you over for dinner. Don’t be late, and don’t be such a pig this time. It’s not like it’ll be your last. Go to hell! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922.md?page=3)