# Things Mary probably never said to Jesus **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 9, 2003, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922 "2003-12-09T14:52:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/41 "2003-12-10T16:59:26Z")
Will you look at these towels? Every one of them has your face all over it. Are you wearing makeup? ---
**Author:** ![Labor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Labor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labor)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/42 "2003-12-10T17:57:10Z")
Naughty, naughty boy! Again, what’s with all the wailing and gnashing of teeth? Oh, so you think you know everything do you? What’s this talk of rebuilding the temple in three days, that would take a miracle. A donkey! You rode into town on a donkey! What makes you think you can just ride around on any old donkey your friends find? You couldn’t just walk? And what was that fuss with the palm branches? A crown of what? Wouldn’t that hurt? ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/43 "2003-12-10T18:08:34Z")
OY! I’ve got a multitude of folks coming over for dinner. Any ideas what to serve Jesus? ---
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/44 "2003-12-10T18:24:59Z")
Wow! This is the most fun I’m had with blasphemy all week! 😃 Next week, lightning bolt relays! ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/45 "2003-12-10T19:19:40Z")
“Yeah, baby, give it to me! Faster, faster! Harder, harder! Now pull it out and cum on my tits!” * * * BCS stands for (illegitimate child) + (crowing rooster) + (Tootsie Pops) ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/46 "2003-12-10T19:20:52Z")
Oh, man! I didn’t mean to post that here! Delete that please! ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/47 "2003-12-10T19:21:41Z")
Dude, you’re getting a Hell! ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/48 "2003-12-10T19:49:53Z")
:eek: ---
**Author:** ![zoog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7ea924/32.png) [@zoog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoog)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/49 "2003-12-10T20:50:01Z")
All you blasphemers who have been enjoying this thread would probably enjoy a book I read recently. **Lamb** by Christopher Moore. You’re all going to hell anyways, so you might as well have a few laughs along the way.😛 ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/50 "2003-12-10T20:58:22Z")
You’ve been acting hinky since last night’s party. What’s eating you? ---
**Author:** ![Ximenean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/aca169/32.png) [@Ximenean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ximenean)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/51 "2003-12-10T21:39:19Z")
“No matter how hard I scrub I can’t get this ghostly image out of your sheets.” ---
**Author:** ![Ximenean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/aca169/32.png) [@Ximenean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ximenean)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/52 "2003-12-10T21:44:48Z")
[sub]Which I see now is the same joke **photopat** made several hours ago[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/53 "2003-12-10T21:52:39Z")
Christ Almighty, do I ever have to take a dump. ---
**Author:** ![Krisfer\_the\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Krisfer\_the\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krisfer_the_Cat)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/54 "2003-12-11T01:25:20Z")
Okay so you are Messiah, shaman and rabbi does that make you too good to take the garbage out? All that feasting and celebrating pretty soon you’re going to look like Caesar and we all know how fat he is! ---
**Author:** ![Ben\_E\_Hill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Ben\_E\_Hill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ben_E_Hill)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/55 "2003-12-11T04:57:46Z")
You’re a chip off the old block ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/56 "2003-12-11T13:31:36Z")
“Jesus Christ! You really get on my nerves sometimes.” ---
**Author:** ![Bakhesh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Bakhesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bakhesh)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/57 "2003-12-11T13:40:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by don’t ask \* > \*\*My boy stick with the carpentery, no-one is going to pay you to be a messiah. \*\* He’s not the messiah. He’s a very naughty boy. ---
**Author:** ![merge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9f8e36/32.png) [@merge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/merge)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/58 "2003-12-11T13:43:09Z")
“Jesus H. Christ!..wait…what does the H. stand for?” ---
**Author:** ![Greywolf73](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d9b06d/32.png) [@Greywolf73](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greywolf73)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/59 "2003-12-11T14:36:58Z")
“What’s this wine into water business I keep hearing about? Why can’t you get a _real_ job? Almost 33 years old and still living at home. Why can’t you just find a nice girl and settle down? Give me some grandkids to enjoy.” “Oh sure, have a nice big supper for you and 12 of your closest friends but don’t invite your own mother…” ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/60 "2003-12-11T23:05:29Z")
What kind of job is that for a nice Jewish boy? If you’re stranded on the road, maybe ask some Roman soldiers if they’ll put you up. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922.md?page=4)