# Things Mary probably never said to Jesus **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 9, 2003, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922 "2003-12-09T14:52:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![threeorange](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@threeorange](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/threeorange)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/61 "2003-12-12T01:48:25Z")
No. You’re underage. The law says you can’t turn water into wine until you’re 21! ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/62 "2003-12-12T02:15:38Z")
If you don’t study, you’ll be nailed on your boards! ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/63 "2003-12-12T04:17:47Z")
Oh, look who thinks he’s God’s gift to the world! Are you sure it’s okay to eat pork? You never write when you’re away. I hear your friend Paul writes _lots_ of letters. You could learn a thing or two from him. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/64 "2003-12-12T04:27:15Z")
Your 33. You live at home. …You only hang out with guys…by any chance, do you like show tunes? Jesus Christ! Super Star! Who In the Hell Do You Think You Are? ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/65 "2003-12-12T04:31:45Z")
Yes, yes that speach you gave on the hill was quiet nice, this thing about the greek inheriting the earth, well, that’s a bit off-putting for the rest of us, eh? ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/66 "2003-12-12T06:37:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Shirley Ujest \* > \*\*Yes, yes that speach you gave on the hill was quiet nice, this thing about the greek inheriting the earth, well, that’s a bit off-putting for the rest of us, eh? \*\* And why exactly do you only give your blessing to the cheesemakers? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/67 "2003-12-12T06:51:13Z")
Dammit, I told you-NO BODY PIERCINGS!!! ---
**Author:** ![JonScribe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3be4f8/32.png) [@JonScribe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JonScribe)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/68 "2003-12-12T07:02:19Z")
Honey, don’t touch the lepers; you don’t know where they’ve been. Shhh. Quiet. You’ll wake Lazarus. ‘The flesh is weak,’ my ass. Get in here and do your chores! ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/69 "2003-12-12T15:21:03Z")
“So there you are up there, hanging for all the world to see…Didn’t I WARN you to put on clean underwear before going out?” ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/70 "2003-12-12T16:32:32Z")
“…and that’s where all the other babies come from. Now, as for you…” ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/71 "2003-12-12T17:04:07Z")
I don’t know if you’ve ever wondered why you don’t look much like Joseph… ---
**Author:** ![Sweet\_Sota\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@Sweet\_Sota\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sweet_Sota_Girl)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/72 "2003-12-12T18:16:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by photopat \* > \*\*Oh, look who thinks he’s God’s gift to the world! > > ::snip:: > \*\* I love this one!!! 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Immortal\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/da6949/32.png) [@The\_Immortal\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Immortal_Mango)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/73 "2003-12-12T22:26:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by HPL \* > \*\*And why exactly do you only give your blessing to the cheesemakers? \*\* “It was a nice idea to give the world to the meek, but can you really seeing one them lot stepping forward to claim it?” “You said what? BLOOD? What in hell inspired you to say that? that’s vampirism that is, we can’t have that! And your body? So now we have cannibalism as well as vampirism. What exatcly were you smoking?” “And what exactly did that fig tree do that was so bad(this is an obscure reference but not as obscure as the passage itself)” “Yeah I know you’ve been looking after the bloody flowers in teh fields, and the weeds as well.” “Don’t make me send you to bed with no supper.” Blasphemy blasph-for-you, blash-for-every-boy-and-girl! ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2003, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/74 "2003-12-13T07:51:44Z")
Honey-your father’s having the Carpenter’s Union over for the Superbowl and we’re out of beer! ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Purl\_McKnittington](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@Miss\_Purl\_McKnittington](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Purl_McKnittington)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2003, 9:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/75 "2003-12-13T09:09:42Z")
She dried your what with her what now? _Nice_ girls just don’t do that, honey. ---
**Author:** ![Stage\_Manager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stage_manager/32/7267_2.png) [@Stage\_Manager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stage_Manager)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2003, 9:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/76 "2003-12-13T09:24:54Z")
Stop that! You’ll go _blind!_ ---
**Author:** ![Bakhesh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Bakhesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bakhesh)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2003, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/77 "2003-12-13T14:34:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mikie \* > \*\*Stop that! You’ll go _blind!_ \*\* I prefer “Stop that! You’ll make yourself cry” ---
**Author:** ![Krisfer\_the\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Krisfer\_the\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krisfer_the_Cat)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2003, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/78 "2003-12-13T17:04:23Z")
“Everytime I open the paper its Jesus did this Jesus did that its getting damned repetitive. And while I am on the subject: Just when did you change your name to Jesus? What Yeshua wasnt good enough for you? I named you after my great uncle and now you reject his name?! OY! What will the rest of the family say about this latest bit of going with the newfangled fads?” Hmm I think theres some pent up aggression in me.😃 ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2003, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/79 "2003-12-13T18:10:06Z")
Lemme get this straight… 12 guys in a room alone, eating, drinking, partying… but you tell me there won’t be any strippers there! :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![spogga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ab097/32.png) [@spogga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spogga)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2003, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/80 "2003-12-13T18:43:55Z")
You realise that if this r-e-l-i-g-i-o-n thing takes off it’s gonna cause a whole lot of bother. And be sure to wear your best sandles to that supper, you’re having your picture painted. Hey! Jesus, can you see our house from up there? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922.md?page=5)