# Things Mary probably never said to Jesus **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 9, 2003, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922 "2003-12-09T14:52:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Kobaltblu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/77aa72/32.png) [@Kobaltblu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobaltblu)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2003, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/81 "2003-12-13T19:06:53Z")
Your Stepfather and I wanted to talk to you. You’ve been hanging around those guys you met at the fishing docks and have been seen with more strange men. Then, you go to these parties with them that get busted up by the Centurions. Is there something you’d like to tell us? ---
**Author:** ![truthbot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@truthbot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/truthbot)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2003, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/82 "2003-12-13T20:09:10Z")
“I know you think you’re special. It’s because everyone worshipped you back when you were in the creche. But let me tell you, son; _everyone_ is cute when they’re a baby. **All** babies are cute. Get over it!” “I got a letter from the DMV today. They rejected your application for the personalized donkey harness that would read ‘UKARIST’. Apparently you’re still underage”. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Immortal\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/da6949/32.png) [@The\_Immortal\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Immortal_Mango)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2003, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/83 "2003-12-13T20:09:34Z")
No you can’t have a bloody icecream, I said no! Look why don’t you just f\*ck off and die. ---
**Author:** ![Bluesman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/97f17d/32.png) [@Bluesman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bluesman)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2003, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/84 "2003-12-14T00:36:58Z")
Call me ‘Pharisee’ one more time, son, and you’ll be going to your Upper Room without your Last Supper! ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2003, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/85 "2003-12-14T02:38:04Z")
“So, tell me, why does your dad want us to cut the tips off?” "Ok, a ricochet off the tree, a bounce off the back of a turtle in the middle of the pond, grabbed by a hawk in mid-flight, dropped off the edge of the green, and it rolls in. _Are you going to fuck around, or are you going to play golf?!"_ ---
**Author:** ![ThreeLeggedBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ThreeLeggedBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThreeLeggedBob)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2003, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/86 "2003-12-14T02:56:42Z")
“Why do you always have to hang around with Christians?” ---
**Author:** ![ThreeLeggedBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ThreeLeggedBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThreeLeggedBob)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2003, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/87 "2003-12-14T02:58:01Z")
“So now you’re starting a weird new religious cult? What was wrong with the old religions, for Chthulhu’s sake?” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Immortal\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/da6949/32.png) [@The\_Immortal\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Immortal_Mango)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2003, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/88 "2003-12-14T21:22:36Z")
“I wish you wouldn’t have such a go at those hipocrits. I know you don’t like their friends the Pharisees but that’s no reason to have a go at them. Of course they do the opposite of what they say, its their religon. It’s a bit of a weird I’ll admit but we still have to respect it.” ---
**Author:** ![blasphmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@blasphmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blasphmer)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2003, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/89 "2003-12-14T21:50:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by merge \* > \*\*“Jesus H. Christ!..wait…what does the H. stand for?” \*\* Harold And I bet she never said… You BASTARD! (At least I’l have the company of y’all in hell. ) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Immortal\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/da6949/32.png) [@The\_Immortal\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Immortal_Mango)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2003, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/90 "2003-12-14T22:02:44Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by blasphmer \* At least I’l have the company of y’all in hell.\*\*[/QUOTE I have two friends who both say I’m going to burn. One says its because I don’t believe. the others says it’s because I’m a complete bastard. I think the second isa the one with the brains ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2003, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/91 "2003-12-14T23:44:21Z")
Why can’t you be more like you’re cousin John. He’s really gonna get ahead in life. Yessiree! That John’s got a good head on his shoulders. ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/92 "2003-12-18T17:53:04Z")
What a mess! And just _who_ is going to clean up all those loaves and fishes? Don’t you know any women who aren’t named Mary? Oh, I just heard. Lazarus died. _Again_. ---
**Author:** ![spogga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ab097/32.png) [@spogga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spogga)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/93 "2003-12-18T18:53:49Z")
"Bread and fish? " “Was that the best you could manage, I mean a nice steak or some Chinese or maybe an Indian Curry, but fish!!” ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/94 "2003-12-18T19:04:42Z")
Something Joseph might have said to Jesus: Well, if I was your father, you wouldn’t get away with that! ---
**Author:** ![x-ray\_vision](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/x-ray_vision/32/351_2.png) [@x-ray\_vision](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/x-ray_vision)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/95 "2003-12-18T23:17:22Z")
Jesus, I’m writing a check and I forget what year it is, how old are you? ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2003, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/96 "2003-12-19T00:32:06Z")
Can’t believe I’m the first one to mention this, but: “Oh mind your manners son! Don’t act as if you were born in a barn!..oh yeah, wait, oh never mind!” ---
**Author:** ![Chavardz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/91b2a8/32.png) [@Chavardz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chavardz)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2003, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/97 "2003-12-19T00:35:29Z")
It’s actually the first post, **Art**. I bet she never said: “When the other mothers talk about they’re kids I have to lie, are you planning on doing something meaningful anytime soon?” ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2003, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/98 "2003-12-19T02:30:31Z")
“Jesus! Stop resurrecting your dinner!!”"" ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2003, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/99 "2003-12-19T06:27:09Z")
What his father would’ve said, “I brought you into this world and I can take you out!” Mary: “Dammit, the next time you walk on water, at least have the decency NOT to ruin your good dress sandals!” ---
**Author:** ![T.Slothrop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3e96dc/32.png) [@T.Slothrop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/T.Slothrop)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2003, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922/100 "2003-12-20T01:36:38Z")
kid, if you pee while I’m changing these swaddling clothes you’re in big trouble. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-mary-probably-never-said-to-jesus/217922.md?page=4)