# Things MEN do to make themselves attractive to WOMEN that don't make them attractive to women **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 10, 2012, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-men-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-women-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-women/637279 "2012-10-10T03:35:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-men-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-women-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-women/637279/121 "2012-10-11T16:59:43Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Am I the only girl who doesn’t always mind getting dick pics? (Please for the love of god do not send me any). Well I DO have a red 2-seat convertible sports car(no really!) I could send you a picture of. Evidently it’s the same thing. To some people. . . . . . . .What does it mean if it doesn’t run though? Is it like having a Johnson that doesn’t work, or is it like having a Johnson that works well enough I don’t need to actually drive the convertible? ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-men-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-women-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-women/637279/122 "2012-10-11T17:05:28Z")
Most guys with tattoos aren’t well-spoken, fit, good looking, talented musicians. Nearly all of them are quite the opposite. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-men-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-women-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-women/637279/123 "2012-10-11T17:10:54Z")
> [@Inigo\_Montoya](#): > > Well I DO have a red 2-seat convertible sports car(no really!) I could send you a picture of. Evidently it’s the same thing. To some people. > > . > . > . > . > . > . > .What does it mean if it doesn’t run though? Is it like having a Johnson that doesn’t work, or is it like having a Johnson that works well enough I don’t need to actually drive the convertible? Kind of depends on the make, model, and horsepower. S2000? Corvette? Badass. If it’s a Celica, Miata, MR2 (all 3 gens, slight exception for the turbo), you must be a secretary, nurse, or hairdresser. J/K (you might also be a bank teller) ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-men-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-women-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-women/637279/124 "2012-10-11T17:12:21Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Plus if any of this were correct, The Situation wouldn’t have a job and every town between Sandy Hook and LBI would be very different on Friday and Saturday nights. There clearly is a large population of women who like the greased up meathead guido look. And the site “Hot Chicks with Douchebags” would just be called “Douchebags.” ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-men-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-women-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-women/637279/125 "2012-10-11T17:27:48Z")
Oh, can I just add one more insta-turn off for me: being a dick to other women, to show off. There’s a subset of guys who are normally perfectly pleasant to waitresses, girls on the checkout, vague acquaintances etc, unless they’re there with a date, in which case, they turn into a massive douche to anyone else female. I mean, sure, don’t flirt when you’re somewhere with a date, but that doesn’t mean you should be actively unpleasant to all other women. You can still say ‘thanks’ to the person who just sold you a drink, even if she does have a vagina- I won’t get jealous. ---
**Author:** ![Hippy\_Hollow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hippy_hollow/32/4841_2.png) [@Hippy\_Hollow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hippy_Hollow)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-men-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-women-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-women/637279/126 "2012-10-11T17:45:39Z")
This thread has me cracking up. People seriously send pictures of their genitalia, unsolicited? It sounds like that Seinfeld when the guy “takes it out” in front of Elaine. I mean, I suspect 17 year old wannabe Situation types do that, but guys with salaried jobs who pay rent? Really? I’m no longer in the dating pool, and have not been for some time… but I’m not even sending my _wife_ dick pics. True story - good friend of mine, had a business opportunity and recruited my wife to join. At some event my friend hands my wife her cellphone to make a call. My wife accidentally hits the home button and there’s my friend, in skimpy lingerie, with a come hither look on her face. You never know who’s going to see those pictures. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-men-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-women-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-women/637279/127 "2012-10-11T17:49:23Z")
Well, now I have the nigh-irresistible urge to send all sorts of pictures of my uncle Richard, the crap that accumulates in my garage, and my tennis and golf equipment to all SORTS of people in this thread! ---
**Author:** ![Indistinguishable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/90ced4/32.png) [@Indistinguishable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indistinguishable)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-men-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-women-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-women/637279/128 "2012-10-11T18:15:33Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I think I have to call bullshit. > > The consensus seems to be women don’t like guys who: > work out too much > show overt displays of wealth > party too much > smell like anything > dress too well, too plain or not well enough > spend time on their hair (or try to hide that they are losing their hair) > drive a sports car (especially convertible), truck or motorcycle > make any indication of how strong, tough, wealthy, successful, athletic or popular they are > isn’t a jock, guido, hipster, metrosexual, player, IT nerd Did you misnegate your last line? If not, I don’t understand it, as a large number of the comments have fairly explicitly indicated distaste for any or all of jocks, guidos, hipsters, metrosexuals, players, and/or IT nerds (distaste which there is no implication would not go through the roof for one who combined all these qualities!). ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-men-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-women-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-women/637279/129 "2012-10-11T18:18:34Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > Apparently its not about the noise, its the vibration. So i’ve been told. I can tell you, love, that it’s not exclusive to Harleys. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-men-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-women-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-women/637279/130 "2012-10-11T18:58:10Z")
It breaks my heart to think of how many men are in genuine emotional distress about things like balding or penis size. I know there are guys out there who get worked up and feel anguish about it, and in reality it isn’t that big of a deal. Sure, it may be a turn-off for some people, but most of the time it’s nowhere near that important. Especially if you are in range of average-ish. Nobody is perfect. Don’t stress about it, make the best of what you’ve got. When it comes to muscles, I think we have slightly different standards when it comes to something to gawk at and someone we’d actually like to date. Just like a man might enjoy gawking at the half-plastic cheerleader with an enormous chest, fake hair and a spray tan, but would probably be more interested in actually dating a cute but normal woman. Likewise, larger muscles photograph well and may turn heads, but if I’m actually going to bed with you, I’d rather go strong-and-lean. [QUOTE=msmith537;15579532Look, women clearly go for guys who are fit, good looking, rich, charming, successful, confident, and put together. They just don’t want the guy to LOOK like he spends a lot of time and effort being fit, good looking, rich, charming, successful, confident, and put together. Or even worse trying too hard and failing. Because then it’s not magical and romantic. It’s a carefully crafted marketing brand.[/QUOTE] This is universal, and it has nothing to do with careful branding. Men want women who are slim, but not women who are skeletal. They want women who are confident and independent, but not cold or emotionally unavailable. Cheerful and outgoing is good, but not if she’s flirting with your friends. Every guy wants a woman who dresses well, but too much skin and it starts looking vulgar. And men may say they want no makeup, no plastic, casual clothes and bed head, but show them most women in that state and they’ll be less than impressed. So yes, you may want a slim, confident, outgoing, sexy, natural woman, but take those to the extremes it’s a turn-off. Take average and turn it up two notches, and you have a very attractive partner. Turn it up five notches and you have something scary. In any case, what a lot of ladies here are saying is that no single one of these things is going to work if the rest isn’t there. If you are a decent guy and make a good salary, it’s pretty awesome. But if the only thing of value you manage to convey about yourself, it’s not going to work. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-men-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-women-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-women/637279/131 "2012-10-11T18:59:51Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > Kind of depends on the make, model, and horsepower. S2000? Corvette? Badass. If it’s a Celica, Miata, MR2 (all 3 gens, slight exception for the turbo), you must be a secretary, nurse, or hairdresser. > > J/K (you might also be a bank teller) Hurtful! 😉 MkI MR2 (T-tops, not a convertible) with a 20v 165-hp 6-speed upgrade & rock-hard suspension. And I am NOT a _bank teller_. I’m an insurance claims guy… ETA–Just to stay germaine with the OP: I do my own work on the car, and I got the car because it’s a kick in the pants to drive. I’m not too concerned about what I look like in it, except to worry a bit that someone thinks it my midlife crisis car. Whatevs. My dick does it’s job and I buzz my balding pate. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-men-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-women-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-women/637279/132 "2012-10-11T19:07:56Z")
> [@Inigo\_Montoya](#): > > Hurtful! 😉 > > MkI MR2 (T-tops, not a convertible) with a 20v 165-hp 6-speed upgrade & rock-hard suspension. > And I am NOT a _bank teller_. I’m an insurance claims guy… > > ETA–Just to stay germaine with the OP: I do my own work on the car, and I got the car because it’s a kick in the pants to drive. I’m not too concerned about what I look like in it, except to worry a bit that someone thinks it my midlife crisis car. Whatevs. My dick does it’s job and I buzz my balding pate. 😃 That does sound like a fun ride! ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-men-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-women-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-women/637279/133 "2012-10-11T19:53:35Z")
I’m lucky enough to be able to experiment. There’s a lot of truth in here, but only until the latests post did it start to get more real. **WhyNot** and **even sven** are in line with my experiences. I can play all sort of roles when dating, and if I go middle of the road the success rate is off the charts. A button down shirt and full tee-shirt underneath that show zero skin… stick to traditional roles (pay; open doors), show light interest and no more, and stick to confident/grounded = continuous success. If I show up with a fitted/slim cut designer shirt, show any ink and drift from any middle-of-the road approach = likely failure. The exception is with the arm candy girls. You need to be cocky, disinterested, bad-boyish and come off as a risk to them… which takes work and B.S. Be late. Don’t look at them. Be cocky. Don’t ask them a single question. The ‘jerk’ crap. It works. So, the unattractive things to the women one might long term are things that are ‘too much’: too smelly, too cocky, too much bragging, too many compliments, too much jewelry, too many stories, etc. , ---
**Author:** ![inedible\_knapsack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/49beb7/32.png) [@inedible\_knapsack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inedible_knapsack)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-men-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-women-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-women/637279/134 "2012-10-11T20:42:01Z")
> [@Hockey\_Monkey](#): > > Maybe guys think women respond to dick pics the same way they respond to boob pics. Nope, sorry. For the most part, dicks are ridiculous. I had a poster on this board send me an unsolicited .gif of him jacking it. I laughed and laughed and laughed, but was not turned on, Correct. My wife asked me once why any guy would send a gal a dick pic. I’d never considered it, but it seems obvious that these males assume that their intense desire to receive unsolicited pics of hot nekkid women is mirrored in the other gender. Perfectly understandable–if still laughably silly–for HS kid who has obtained the sum of his knowledge of feminine sexuality from 3:00 am Cinemax movies and resulting extractions from his own ridiculous fantasies, but when a grown man still thinks women heartily peruse internet sites dedicated to penis pics every evening while they indulge themselves in a little self-touching… that’s a guy you want to avoid at all costs, even if he is a wealthy, famous politician. Back to the OP, though. I used to believe that women were drawn to the dark, haunted guys, so it tried to be a DHG. Later I found that it’s only good to be a DHG if you’re a _really hot_. It seems if you’re not really hot, you just look like a pathetic loser. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![moejoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@moejoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moejoe)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-men-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-women-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-women/637279/135 "2012-10-11T21:12:55Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Conversely, that would presume the idea man for many of you is: > scrawny and weak or overweight > poor > nice (but not too nice)? > sober > bald > takes public transportation > humble > so sylistically neutral as to likely not be noticed Pretty much. I like a guy who is living in his own body, not spending a lot of time and energy trying to change it. I like someone who can support himself, but I don’t make a lot of money so it’s easier if he doesn’t either so we don’t worry too much about who pays for what. A rich guy is going to just make me feel bad about myself eventually. Nice is good, what’s wrong with nice? Sober-yep, bald is sexy, and I take public transportation all the time. Humble is always better than bragging and I really don’t care what he’s wearing. Actually if you know that guy please give him my number. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-men-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-women-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-women/637279/136 "2012-10-11T21:17:43Z")
> [@Hippy\_Hollow](#): > > This thread has me cracking up. People seriously send pictures of their genitalia, unsolicited? It sounds like that Seinfeld when the guy “takes it out” in front of Elaine. I mean, I suspect 17 year old wannabe Situation types do that, but guys with salaried jobs who pay rent? Really? [Allow me to introduce you to (appropriately named) politician Anthony Weiner.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anthony_Weiner_sexting_scandal) > [@Indistinguishable](#): > > Did you misnegate your last line? If not, I don’t understand it, as a large number of the comments have fairly explicitly indicated distaste for any or all of jocks, guidos, hipsters, metrosexuals, players, and/or IT nerds (distaste which there is no implication would not go through the roof for one who combined all these qualities!). I did. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-men-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-women-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-women/637279/137 "2012-10-11T21:19:20Z")
> [@moejoe](#): > > Actually if you know that guy please give him my number. How old are you and what part of the country do you live in? ---
**Author:** ![velvetjones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5f9b8f/32.png) [@velvetjones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/velvetjones)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-men-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-women-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-women/637279/138 "2012-10-11T22:12:21Z")
I once had a guy who didn’t really speak english manage to find the words to tell me he eats pussy (with accompanying hand/tongue gesture). This was after about 15 seconds of what might have been small talk if we both spoke the same language. Meanwhile no one on this board has ever sent me pics of their dick or anyone named dick so color me disappointed. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![moejoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@moejoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moejoe)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-men-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-women-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-women/637279/139 "2012-10-11T22:12:56Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > How old are you and what part of the country do you live in? Of a certain and Pacific Northwest 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![jayrey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/47e85d/32.png) [@jayrey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayrey)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2012, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-men-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-women-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-women/637279/140 "2012-10-11T23:07:37Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > They didn’t give a good enough build up. Sorry, **Loach**. There is no such thing as a good enough build up in this regard. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-men-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-women-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-women/637279.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-men-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-women-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-women/637279.md?page=8)