# Things Moclans tell their children **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 16, 2019, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-moclans-tell-their-children/832648 "2019-04-16T23:04:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2019, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-moclans-tell-their-children/832648/1 "2019-04-16T23:04:42Z")
As the thread “Things Klingons tell their children”. “Remember, if you do not eat, you will die.” “Quickly, run and bring me the scissors!” “You may not see the girl next door!” ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2019, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-moclans-tell-their-children/832648/2 "2019-04-17T00:02:09Z")
“Knock, knock” _“Who is there?”_ “Ice cream” _“Ice cream is an inanimate object which is not capable of knocking on a door. Return to your studies and pay special attention to the difference between inanimate and animate objects.”_ ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2019, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-moclans-tell-their-children/832648/3 "2019-04-17T00:14:16Z")
“You are too young to be dating and losing teeth!” ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2019, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-moclans-tell-their-children/832648/4 "2019-04-17T00:33:13Z")
Yes, I have often thought of killing your father. ---
**Author:** ![DinoR](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dinor/32/2821_2.png) [@DinoR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DinoR)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2019, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-moclans-tell-their-children/832648/5 "2019-04-17T01:34:58Z")
I am not turning the shuttle around. You urinated just a couple months ago. Hold it. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2019, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-moclans-tell-their-children/832648/6 "2019-04-17T01:53:05Z")
Do not be foolish. You are male. She is female. You clearly have nothing in common. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2019, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-moclans-tell-their-children/832648/7 "2019-04-17T13:42:36Z")
Females are always dumber and weaker than you. That is just the way the Universe is. Once you are married, always keep a long, sharp knife nearby in case of divorce. All inferior races lack the beautiful skinfolds we have. Tobacco is an amazing substance, but you must never, ever smoke it. Contractions are sinful. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2019, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-moclans-tell-their-children/832648/8 "2019-04-17T19:19:21Z")
Always keep the same tone of voice, even when you are shouting. It helps if you always project your voice, no matter the circumstances. Do not think of females when you stimulate yourself. Your palms will become hirsute. Your only emotion should be stern countenance. Otherwise, you will be mistaken for female. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2019, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-moclans-tell-their-children/832648/9 "2019-04-17T19:32:37Z")
“Every Moclan must someday Moclan his Moclan in Moclan. You must be Moclan that you don’t Moclan the Moclan.” (Oh, wait–I’m thinking of [_Marklar_](https://southpark.fandom.com/wiki/Marklar).) ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2019, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-moclans-tell-their-children/832648/10 "2019-04-17T19:47:45Z")
You thrown that ball like a _female!_ ---
**Author:** ![Tinker\_Grey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tinker_grey/32/8136_2.png) [@Tinker\_Grey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tinker_Grey)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2019, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-moclans-tell-their-children/832648/11 "2019-04-18T01:49:43Z")
> [@Darren\_Garrison](#): > > “Every Moclan must someday Moclan his Moclan in Moclan. You must be Moclan that you don’t Moclan the Moclan.” > > (Oh, wait–I’m thinking of [_Marklar_](https://southpark.fandom.com/wiki/Marklar).) Hmm…I thought that was Smurf ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2019, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-moclans-tell-their-children/832648/12 "2019-04-18T02:03:00Z")
This thread feels…racisty. ---
**Author:** ![nightshadea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nightshadea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nightshadea)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2019, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-moclans-tell-their-children/832648/13 "2019-04-18T08:03:33Z")
nah its just jokes about the tv show \*the orville \* ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2019, 11:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-moclans-tell-their-children/832648/14 "2019-04-18T11:23:55Z")
There is no “I” in “team” because its inclusion would be linguistically and phonetically inconsistent. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2019, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-moclans-tell-their-children/832648/15 "2019-04-18T19:45:18Z")
> [@snfaulkner](#): > > This thread feels…racisty. Moclans aren’t real, faulk. ---
**Author:** ![swampspruce](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampspruce/32/261_2.png) [@swampspruce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampspruce)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2019, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-moclans-tell-their-children/832648/16 "2019-04-18T21:05:24Z")
Remember, Son, that nothing will increase your chances of finding a mate more than a well groomed mustache. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2019, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-moclans-tell-their-children/832648/17 "2019-04-19T02:54:05Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > Moclans aren’t real, faulk. For more: [Moclan | The Orville Wiki | Fandom](https://orville.fandom.com/wiki/Moclan) ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2019, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-moclans-tell-their-children/832648/18 "2019-04-19T02:57:42Z")
> [@nightshadea](#): > > nah its just jokes about the tv show \*the orville \* > [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > Moclans aren’t real, faulk. Yeah, I know. That’s why I’m giggling and not outraged. ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2019, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-moclans-tell-their-children/832648/19 "2019-04-19T04:11:39Z")
> [@snfaulkner](#): > > Yeah, I know. That’s why I’m giggling and not outraged. what is ‘giggling’ ? ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2019, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-moclans-tell-their-children/832648/20 "2019-04-19T04:37:08Z")
Chuckling. Tittering. Sniggering. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-moclans-tell-their-children/832648.md?page=2)