# Things Ninjas Don't Say **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 20, 2001, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ninjas-dont-say/55146 "2001-02-20T00:52:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Pyrrho12](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b2d939/32.png) [@Pyrrho12](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pyrrho12)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2001, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ninjas-dont-say/55146/81 "2001-02-22T14:36:35Z")
[ul][li]All right… which one of you f\*\*\*ers groped my ass!?[/li][li]The rest of our ninjas have returned from the **Airport Battle!** … And they need \*\*Cab fare!\*\*_do I get points too?_[/li][li]I am a master with eighteen different forms of silverwear.[/li][li]J- J- Jiro!!![/li][li]Say, could I take a look at that Amway catalogue when you’re finished with it?[/li][li]Boot to the head![/li][li]Die or be killed![/li][li]Now you will feel the wrath of the Ninja!!! … in bed?[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2001, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ninjas-dont-say/55146/82 "2001-02-22T14:58:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Pyrrho12 \* > **[li]Boot to the head![/li]** And one for the wimp. ---
**Author:** ![Earthworm\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f07891/32.png) [@Earthworm\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthworm_Jim)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2001, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ninjas-dont-say/55146/83 "2001-02-22T15:12:55Z")
How 'bout: [ul] [li]Just hang loose blood. She gonna catch up on the rebound wit da medici…[/li][li]Who ya gonna call?[/li][li]We’re not worthy!!![/li][li]D’OH![/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![idiotb0x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ecae2f/32.png) [@idiotb0x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/idiotb0x)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2001, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ninjas-dont-say/55146/84 "2001-02-22T15:46:27Z")
How about: Scene: Moonlit castle with figures scuttling about the rooftops, invisible to the guards. One signals the assault to begin… “BANZAAIIII!!!” swish kachunck-thud-bang, swish swish-clunk, (softly) gurgle, crack-slice, swish ka-thud, pwing-blat crumple swish. 10 brutal slayings later… “Hold up, guys…GUYS! Did you say Mishima or Moshima Castle was the one to storm?” “Erm…Mishima.” “Oh. (big pause) Fuck.” OR: “I keep thinking its Tuesday.” “Where in heaven’s name did I leave my glasses?” “See my prowess with the tickle stick” “Look at my iron fist!” (referrence anyone?" “Now they will forever fear my pummeling technique” “Leap across the rooftops, are you crazy? Someone could get hurt” “You could have someone’s eye out with that” ---
**Author:** ![RalfCoder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@RalfCoder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RalfCoder)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2001, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ninjas-dont-say/55146/85 "2001-02-22T16:46:39Z")
Kirk? Get real… Picard was a much better captain! Be sure you recycle that bottle when you’re through with it. Sorry, I can’t defend you from the infidels on Tuesday. I have a dentist appointment. Can they hold off til Thursday morning instead? My kid made the honor roll this term! I am the terror that flaps in the night… And I can’t believe nobody has used this one yet… “Use the force, Luke” ---
**Author:** ![onlead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e79b87/32.png) [@onlead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/onlead)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2001, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ninjas-dont-say/55146/86 "2001-02-22T16:49:46Z")
First Post! “I’m your father, Luke.” “Not the Eagles man! I hate the f\*\*\*ing Eagles!” ---
**Author:** ![Spookythecat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@Spookythecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spookythecat)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2001, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ninjas-dont-say/55146/87 "2001-02-24T08:59:18Z")
Heya onlead. It’s good to know I’m not the only first poster here. ``` Keeeee=YAAAAAAH! You have disgraced the honor of the Crouching Rabbit Clan, and now you must d---- BWAHAHAHAHA! (GASP) Oh, geez, sorry. But you should see the look on your face... Wait right here, I'm gonna get my camera. (1) Brush Teeth (2) Put Clothes in Wash (3) Recover the ancient "Disembowling Knife of the Gods" from the forbidden dungeon of flame. (4) Light Lunch (5) Assasinate Mattsamatu Yoshiro, allowing Grandfather's ghost to rest in peace. (6) Swing by bookstore, pick up new Terry Mcmillan (7) Oil Arrow Trap in Attic/Walk Dog (8) Challenge "Sacred Tiger of Darkness" to Death Duel (9) Yay! Must see Thursday! (10) Bed ``` Oh all right… if it is your last request. “I’m the Very Model of a Modern Major General…” ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2001, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ninjas-dont-say/55146/88 "2001-02-24T17:40:50Z")
_Sounds of flipping and tumbling_ NO ONE expects the Russo-Japanese War!Our weapon is stealth and shurikens–wait. Our two weapons are… WAAASSSAAABI!!! I’m telling the mod on you. When a problem comes along, you must whip it. [Keanu]Woah. I know kung fu.[/Keanu] I think I can? Shuriken! ---
**Author:** ![Albert\_Rose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@Albert\_Rose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Albert_Rose)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2001, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ninjas-dont-say/55146/89 "2001-02-26T05:08:14Z")
Learn to drive! Fucking cop. Damn! These turtles are _quick_! Hey, you’re not allowed to rent movies here anymore! I am a trained statistician. ---
**Author:** ![Phaeton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/65b543/32.png) [@Phaeton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phaeton)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2001, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ninjas-dont-say/55146/90 "2001-02-26T05:43:38Z")
Damn, I just remembered that I was supposed to pay that Credit Card bill. Honey, could you pick up the kids tonight, I’ve got this guy to kill & he’s working late. Oooohh! A pretty rainbow! _poing_ I’ve only got 3 more subjects to go and I’ve got my fine arts degree. I think that Keanu Reeves showed great depth of character in all his movies. ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2001, 8:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ninjas-dont-say/55146/91 "2001-02-26T08:45:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AlbertRose \* > \*\*…Ninjas do not say certain things… > 2) Whaaaassszzzzzzupppp! > \*\* A friend of mine played a ninja once in some RPG or another, and he took every opportunity to utter that particular combination of sounds that he could. Just for the sheer absurdity factor you understand. Allow me to elaborate: Dungeon Master: You approach the orc fortress. You don’t see any way in other than through the massive gate. What do you do? Striking Cobra the Ninja: I sneak from tree to tree in the shadows, put on my water shoes to cross the moat, scale the wall, beat up the guards, and open the gate from inside so the rest of the party can attack. [several dice rolls later…] DM: OK, you manage to get up to the battlements without being spotted. You see two orcs in chainmail standing guard below you, both with axes. What now? Striking Cobra: I leap onto the closer orc’s head, performing my Diving Slashing Dragon maneuver while also shouting Whaaaassszzzzzzupppp! to paralyze him with my ki energy. ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2001, 9:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ninjas-dont-say/55146/92 "2001-02-26T09:57:38Z")
I don’t believe in killing anymore. I’m a pacifist. - Dude, there’s no way I’m doing this mission dude. Hell no. I’m supposed to go snowboarding on Mt. Fuji with my homies this weekend dude. - The daimyo is prepared to offer you large quantities of sake and many geisha. In advance. - Score! Shit, I stuck myself with my shuriken! Anyone got any poison anti…urk… _thump_ Are we there yet? I havta go potty, reeeeealy bad. The name’s Maki. Futomaki. I’m a ninja. Hold up, guys, I gotta wait for this download to finish. Hey, uh, Tokugawa-san, could I like have a couple hundred more koku up front? I gotta pay my dues to the Serene Crane Society, and uh… Turtles fight with honor! You have the right to remain silent… - Where’d you learn to fight like that? - From watching Jackie Chan movies. Ewww, grody! There’s like, guts all over me from that dead guy! Whatever, I’m out of here. The thing you do not realize is that I am right handed. ---
**Author:** ![Ell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e47774/32.png) [@Ell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ell)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2001, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ninjas-dont-say/55146/93 "2001-02-27T00:50:01Z")
[Austin Powers Voice] A shoe? I mean really, who throws a shoe? [/Austin Powers Voice] ---
**Author:** ![DarkJudicator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/da6949/32.png) [@DarkJudicator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarkJudicator)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2001, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ninjas-dont-say/55146/94 "2001-02-27T05:01:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sturmhauke \* > \*\*The thing you do not realize is that I am right handed. \*\* **sturm** , dude[sup]\*[/sup], I laughed all through your post (and all through this thread for that matter) but THIS nearly made me burst a blood vessel laughing. What you do not realise is that I, too, am right handed! 😃 - - note for the easily offended: DarkJudicator uses the term “dude” as a non-gender-specific form of address. If you’re a dudette and I call you a dude, it doesn’t mean I thought you were a guy. ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2001, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ninjas-dont-say/55146/95 "2001-02-27T13:49:28Z")
**DarkJudicator** , dude, I’m offended that you didn’t know I was a dude, dude. Now we must run at each other, then leap into the air at the last minute while simultaneously striking and blocking with our swords. Dude.\* ---
**Author:** ![big\_yellow\_kingswood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e8cbc/32.png) [@big\_yellow\_kingswood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/big_yellow_kingswood)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2001, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ninjas-dont-say/55146/96 "2001-02-27T14:24:03Z")
hang on… hang on… I’ve got this sneeze coming… it’s right there… hang on… hang on… it’s coming… it’s coming… Shit. Lost it. Don’tcha hate that? Ohh… Ohh… eyelash… Ooh ah Glen McGrath Ooh ah Glen McGrath. (don’t worry if you don’t get this one, maybe 7 posters on here have a halfway decent chance of understanding it) Ohh… you’ve got the standard 3510 throwing knife. Have you seen the new 5480? My Shogun’s got one. Man, those things rock. Fucking expensive, though. Awww christ, now I’ve got “yellow submarine” going round and round through my head… A lisence for this sword? Um, no officer I didn’t know you needed one. It’s not like it’s concealed or anything… I mean where would you hid it? Up your ass?.. Nosir, it was a joke, I didn’t mean your ass specifically sir, just anyone’s ass in general… Um… Are you going to arrest me? ---
**Author:** ![Pnuk\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Pnuk\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pnuk_Guy)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2001, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ninjas-dont-say/55146/97 "2001-02-27T15:09:04Z")
dude, where’s my (throwing) star? [sub]It’s called poetic license[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![racinchikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2001, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ninjas-dont-say/55146/98 "2001-02-27T16:02:00Z")
There’s more of them! KITTENS! Bar the door! - Dude, what does mine say? - Sweet, what does mine say? - DUDE! What does mine say? - SWEET! What does mine say?!?! - DUDE! WHAT DOES MINE SAY?!?!?! - SWEET! WHAT DOES MINE SAY?!?!?! I just found this recipe for a great new face mask, it’s made with like cucumbers and stuff and it’s absolutely WONDERFUL for your pores! Come over tonight, we’ll rent a Tom Cruise movie and paint our toenails and try it out… ---
**Author:** ![Kilt-wearin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@Kilt-wearin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilt-wearin_man)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2001, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ninjas-dont-say/55146/99 "2001-02-27T16:08:42Z")
“Hello. My name is Isoroku Matsui. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” “Chim-chimmeny, chim-chimmeny, chim-chim-cha-ree, a Ninja’s as lucky as lucky can be! Chim-chimmeny, chim-chimmeny, chim-chim-cha-roo, if you are my target I’m gonna kill you…” “We THOUGHT you wuz a TOAD…” “I don’t want god-damn FOP!! I’m a Dapper Dan man!” ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2001, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ninjas-dont-say/55146/100 "2001-02-27T16:43:15Z")
Toshi, you crazy. Bubbles is weakling. Buttercup best Powerpuff girl. Blossom too bossy. …But that agent Honeydew, hubba-hubba. _Fistfull of Dollars_ remake of _Yojombo_ you dummy, not other way around. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ninjas-dont-say/55146.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-ninjas-dont-say/55146.md?page=6)