# Things NOT to say to your pregnant wife... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 15, 2003, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-not-to-say-to-your-pregnant-wife/175565 "2003-05-15T23:12:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![newcrasher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b3f665/32.png) [@newcrasher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/newcrasher)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-not-to-say-to-your-pregnant-wife/175565/1 "2003-05-15T23:12:49Z")
Can you believe I actually said this to my otherwise svelt, 4 months pregnant wife tonight at dinner? “Honey, how much mashed potatos are you gonna eat?” Me--------\> :wally ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-not-to-say-to-your-pregnant-wife/175565/2 "2003-05-15T23:16:42Z")
“You look like a whale” …erm… in a _nice_ way. ---
**Author:** ![Parrothead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/59ef9b/32.png) [@Parrothead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Parrothead)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-not-to-say-to-your-pregnant-wife/175565/3 "2003-05-15T23:20:12Z")
How about: “I don’t mean to imply anything, but I really don’t think the kid weighs 40 pounds.” or “Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Margo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Margo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Margo)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-not-to-say-to-your-pregnant-wife/175565/4 "2003-05-15T23:22:57Z")
My husband said: You don’t look THAT fat…or Are you carrying twins in your ass?.. I still haven’t completely forgiven him, and that baby is almost 4! Margo ---
**Author:** ![Guybud5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Guybud5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guybud5)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-not-to-say-to-your-pregnant-wife/175565/5 "2003-05-16T00:30:14Z")
(I walk in from work) Hello my bulbous beauty! ---
**Author:** ![widdershins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f0a364/32.png) [@widdershins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/widdershins)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-not-to-say-to-your-pregnant-wife/175565/6 "2003-05-16T00:49:14Z")
“Oh, _now_ you grow some real boobies.” “You’re not PMSing anymore, so why are you so damn cranky?” “Pregnant glow? Are you smuggling plutonium in there?” “Moo. If you get any bigger, I’m going to have you branded.” “Put some newspaper down, cause when your water breaks, I ain’t cleaning it up.” ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-not-to-say-to-your-pregnant-wife/175565/7 "2003-05-16T01:13:46Z")
“Wow. Stretchmarks already.” “What, are you trying to wear a trail to the bathroom in the carpet?” “Whattya mean you’re sick? It ain’t morning.” “They’re gonna stay like that, aren’t they?” “You will quit farting so much after the kid’s born, won’tcha?” ---
**Author:** ![MrTuffPaws](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@MrTuffPaws](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrTuffPaws)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-not-to-say-to-your-pregnant-wife/175565/8 "2003-05-16T01:49:49Z")
Ah yes. When I was in womb, my father kept offering to fly my mother and himself to Colorado. The only state that had legal abortions at the time. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-not-to-say-to-your-pregnant-wife/175565/9 "2003-05-16T02:46:05Z")
Whaddya mean you’re only carrying one? ---
**Author:** ![auntnut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f6c823/32.png) [@auntnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntnut)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-not-to-say-to-your-pregnant-wife/175565/10 "2003-05-16T05:13:46Z")
When I was preggo w/my daughter, I took that “eating for two” phrase literally…I gained over 50lbs. We had a waterbed, which, towards the end, I had a VERY HARD time getting out of. He would go over to the other side and “start a wave” by bouncing so I could roll out. Not only did he tell EVERYONE about it, he also said he was gonna install one of those “engine hoists” if I got any bigger. ---
**Author:** ![Anal\_Scurvy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c57346/32.png) [@Anal\_Scurvy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anal_Scurvy)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-not-to-say-to-your-pregnant-wife/175565/11 "2003-05-16T05:31:28Z")
“Don’t punch yourself in the breast. That would be stupid.” ---
**Author:** ![Anal\_Scurvy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c57346/32.png) [@Anal\_Scurvy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anal_Scurvy)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-not-to-say-to-your-pregnant-wife/175565/12 "2003-05-16T05:32:58Z")
(as she’s stirring salad) ---
**Author:** ![Skeezix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@Skeezix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skeezix)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-not-to-say-to-your-pregnant-wife/175565/13 "2003-05-16T05:40:37Z")
Ooh, look, it’s an eclipse! How can you eat that much after all that puking this morning? [TMI Warning] Well then, howabout a blow job? [/TMI Warning] [sub]No, I’m not nearly stupid enough to have actually uttered any of these.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-not-to-say-to-your-pregnant-wife/175565/14 "2003-05-16T05:50:57Z")
“You know, you don’t have to eat for nine months solid…you can take a break or two every trimester. I don’t think the baby will mind.” “Nice cankles.” “Chewy, crunchy, cheesy AND melty? Honey, I’m not Google’s supermarket.” ---
**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-not-to-say-to-your-pregnant-wife/175565/15 "2003-05-16T06:28:35Z")
He: “Honey, could you move _a wee bit_ to the left. You’re blocking the light.” She: “But I’m not even in the same room!!!” He: “Oh, sorry. Could move _far_ to the left. You’re blocking the light.” ---
**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-not-to-say-to-your-pregnant-wife/175565/16 "2003-05-16T06:39:12Z")
He: “Honey, could you move _a wee bit_ to the left. You’re blocking the light.” She: “But I’m not even in the same room!!!” He: “Oh, sorry. Could move _far_ to the left. You’re blocking the light.” ---
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 10:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-not-to-say-to-your-pregnant-wife/175565/17 "2003-05-16T10:42:48Z")
As you’ve lived to post the thread newcrasher I’m assuming your wife has a sense of humor 🙂 I’m 4 months into my second pregnancy and I think I pick on myself more than anyone else does! I joke that it isn’t so much that pregnant ladies glow… they reflect! We also have a running joke whenever sex comes up that “that’s how we got in this predicament in the first place.” I do draw the line at being called “Ma-Mu” though. (That’s what my FIL taught my hubby to call his mom when she was pregnant with his sister) ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 11:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-not-to-say-to-your-pregnant-wife/175565/18 "2003-05-16T11:15:16Z")
slight hijack Never say to a new mother who has had an episiotomy, a tear or a c/section:No one with a huge scar is sexy. Scars are not sexy. Period. I had asked him to wear shorts so I could see his sexy legs. He had a knee replaced last winter and has a foot long scar on his right knee. He said the above. He could not understand why I burst into tears and cried for hours. This was about a week after I gave birth and had an episiotomy and third degree tear. I still hurt over that. ---
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-not-to-say-to-your-pregnant-wife/175565/19 "2003-05-16T11:28:06Z")
(to continue lee’s hijack) I concur 🙂 I had a c section and hubby kept telling me how great the incision was healing and that you could barely see the scar. Then as my belly receeded I was finally able to see the scar on my own and was mortified because to me it looked horrendous! All he could say is “well compared to what it looked like right after surgery it looks great now” Yay me 🙂 Next (and last) c section is this october. ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-not-to-say-to-your-pregnant-wife/175565/20 "2003-05-16T12:04:38Z")
8 1/2 months prego… 'Honey can you pick this up for me?" 10lb bowling ball. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-not-to-say-to-your-pregnant-wife/175565.md?page=2)