# Things stupid songs have taught you **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 11, 2014, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-stupid-songs-have-taught-you/706950 "2014-12-11T16:51:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![usedtobe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ec9cab/32.png) [@usedtobe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/usedtobe)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2014, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-stupid-songs-have-taught-you/706950/161 "2014-12-24T23:56:24Z")
Never trust your soul to a backwoods country lawyer (esp. if the Judge in the town’s got bloodstains on his hands) Avoid oak trees with yellow ribbons You never said anything except “Hi” to Big John In a pinch, an alligator can be used as a makeshift cannon Two out of three ain’t bad. ---
**Author:** ![dba\_Fred](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c37758/32.png) [@dba\_Fred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dba_Fred)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2014, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-stupid-songs-have-taught-you/706950/162 "2014-12-25T17:02:47Z")
One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do. Two can be as bad as one (It’s the loneliest number since the number one). Also: Nothing from nothing leaves nothing. (I did the math and it’s true.) ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2014, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-stupid-songs-have-taught-you/706950/163 "2014-12-28T11:44:23Z")
I don’t know if it’s a stupid song, but it is the only reason I actually have the number minutes in a year memorized. That’s all that comes to mind. ---
**Author:** ![Wolf333](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf333/32/3460_2.png) [@Wolf333](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolf333)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2014, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-stupid-songs-have-taught-you/706950/164 "2014-12-28T11:58:44Z")
There is no parking on the dance floor. ---
**Author:** ![Sefton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Sefton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sefton)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2014, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-stupid-songs-have-taught-you/706950/165 "2014-12-28T14:18:36Z")
Combustion is impossible in three instances: 1. Without a spark 2. Sitting 'round crying over a broken heart 3. Worrying about your little world falling apart ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2014, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-stupid-songs-have-taught-you/706950/166 "2014-12-28T15:08:03Z")
I learned that Tom Baker let the dogs out. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2014, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-stupid-songs-have-taught-you/706950/167 "2014-12-29T01:52:25Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I don’t know if it’s a stupid song, but it is the only reason I actually have the number minutes in a year memorized. That’s all that comes to mind. Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes? I learned that **every time** Hootie looks at me, he goes blind. He never mentions regaining his eyesight, though. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2014, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-stupid-songs-have-taught-you/706950/168 "2014-12-29T01:57:55Z")
> [@Peter\_Morris](#): > > [Dopers to the rescue](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=481147) That thread kills me (Lee). ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2014, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-stupid-songs-have-taught-you/706950/169 "2014-12-29T18:22:49Z")
I learned that the person purchasing Love Potion #9 shouldn’t drink it themselves, because all it does is severely lower ones inhibitions. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2014, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-stupid-songs-have-taught-you/706950/170 "2014-12-29T18:30:03Z")
If her daddy’s rich take her out for a meal If her daddy’s poor just do what you feel ---
**Author:** ![Tread](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Tread](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tread)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2015, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-stupid-songs-have-taught-you/706950/171 "2015-01-18T21:06:44Z")
I learned there was a such a thing as thyme sweetened honey… but that was from a great song… so nevermind ---
**Author:** ![Jamicat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c67d28/32.png) [@Jamicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jamicat)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2015, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-stupid-songs-have-taught-you/706950/172 "2015-01-18T21:25:04Z")
> [@JKilez](#): > > There are 50 ways to leave a lover. But he only references like 6 of em…wonder if he will ever finish that song. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2015, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-stupid-songs-have-taught-you/706950/173 "2015-01-18T22:33:22Z")
I consist of stardust and billion year old carbon Happiness runs in a circular motion. Everyone’s dancing the Loco-Motion. You can get anything you want at Alice’s Restaurant (excepting Alice, of course), but that’s not the name of the restaurant, it’s just the name of the song. The Sun will rise tomorrow. I have a Cadillac and Jody’s driving it while I’m gone. He’s also filling in for me at my job and keeping my girl from feeling too lonely without me. Always drink upstream from the herd Never look straight up at a bird If you get bucked off, get back on, And never squat with your spurs on. Coca-Cola is the real thing. Nobody knows you when you’re down and out. The moon is a harsh mistress. ---
**Author:** ![stillownedbysetters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/41988e/32.png) [@stillownedbysetters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stillownedbysetters)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2015, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-stupid-songs-have-taught-you/706950/174 "2015-01-18T23:28:31Z")
CCR told me there’s a bathroom on the right, which was helpful information. But ZZTop really surprised me when they told me that Jesus had left Chicago and was bound for New Orleans. Frank Zappa that wise outdoorsman taught me to watch out where the huskies go and don’t you eat that yellow snow. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2015, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-stupid-songs-have-taught-you/706950/175 "2015-01-19T06:42:36Z")
If the Army and the Navy ever gaze on Heaven’s scenes, they will find the streets are guarded by United States Marines. A kiss is just a kiss. We’ll meet again (don’t know where, don’t know when). It all started with a big bang. According to several songs, if you’re a woman and you’ve been stepping out on your man behind his back, NEVER take a walk with your man down by a river. I learned what to do with a drunken sailor. If you’re ever fixing yourself a cup of tea by a pond in Australia, never let any livestock sniff around your backpack. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2015, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-stupid-songs-have-taught-you/706950/176 "2015-01-19T06:46:07Z")
I’ve learned there’s a lineman in Wichita who apparently _never_ gets time off. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2015, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-stupid-songs-have-taught-you/706950/177 "2015-01-19T06:52:29Z")
> [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](#): > > I learned that the person purchasing Love Potion #9 shouldn’t drink it themselves, because all it does is severely lower ones inhibitions. You should try it out on your dog first. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2015, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-stupid-songs-have-taught-you/706950/178 "2015-01-19T15:27:51Z")
I was made to give in and cry by our ever-changing world in which we live in; it taught me to say, well, you know… . ---
**Author:** ![Doug\_K](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5ac83/32.png) [@Doug\_K](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doug_K)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2015, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-stupid-songs-have-taught-you/706950/179 "2015-01-19T19:10:40Z")
> [@Jamicat](#): > > But he only references like 6 of em…wonder if he will ever finish that song. :dubious: 5 to be exact: Slip out the back Make a new plan No need to be coy Hop off the bus Drop off the key. Come to think of it, there’s only 4. No need to be coy isn’t really a way to leave. Actually, make a new plan is questionable too, but I guess we can let it go. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2015, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-stupid-songs-have-taught-you/706950/180 "2015-01-19T19:19:05Z")
Clearly the song was intended to be first in an instructional series, but Simon never finished. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-stupid-songs-have-taught-you/706950.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-stupid-songs-have-taught-you/706950.md?page=10)