Dick Cavett once wrote in a column that as a kid he watched a John Wayne movie. Next day in school Cavett said he punched a classmate in the face and broke three bones in his hand.
When it comes to street parking, everyone always seems to snag that perfect parking spot that happens to be right in front of the store. Even if they have to park across the street, it’s still in front of the store, and they just have to jay-walk across.
They never have to park around the corner, or use the underground parking structure, or have to park in some pay-to-park parking lot that is three blocks away. Nope. They always get that prime spot.
In fact, they not only get that prime spot, but they pretty much never have to even parallel park into the spot. The spot is always so wide open, that they just drive right into it.
And, still on the subject of prime parking spots, this also goes for detectives when on a stake out. They always seem to find that perfect spot that provides them the most ideal viewing angle, yet at the same time, is also inconspicuous enough to where they are not noticeable.
Well…not Seinfeld anyway.
I had a nightmare a few months ago. When I awoke, I found that I was sitting bolt upright, drenched in sweat, in mid scream.
Given that I don’t sleep on my back, it wasn’t a simple ‘shoot upright in my sleep’ move.
People do have babies in taxi cabs, just not, you know, every time.
That German toilet article is flat-out hysterical.
Women giving birth in odd places, like a couple of the things mentioned in this thread, are gripping experiences which can memorably be made into entertaining television or movies. Entertainment about ordinary experiences is, by and large, boring. No one’s gripped by watching the things we all experience. Unless there is something illuminating to be presented about the everyday, it’s just every-day life.
That said, while rare, births in unusual places do happen. First of all, some of you may not realize that home-births in this country, while still not commonplace, aren’t particularly rare. I myself know several women who birthed at home. So there’s that.
And then there’s the women who volunteered where I work. Her doctor is located in the city where I live, and she lives in a smaller town a couple hours away.
Anyway, she went into labor and she, her husband and 10-year-old son got in the car and headed for here. Her labor progressed quickly—much more quickly than she’d anticipated. It was “pull over honey, the baby’s CROWNING,” which he was, and there in the back seat in front of God, her 10-year-old and everybody, she delivered her new offspring into the world.
I wasn’t there of course but she told me the whole story. A week later she was in class where she was attending law school.
You just desribed the ending of about 50% of Law & Order episodes. The DAs are in Schiff’s or McCoy’s office when the phone rings. The junior DA answers, says “hello”, waits five seconds, says “thank you” and hangs up. Then: “We won’t have to worrry about the appeal. The defendant was just shivved in the prison yard. The warden thinks the Aryans were responsible. The defendent’s wife is already yelling ‘cover-up!’”
Then Schiff or McCoy sighs, fade to black.
My high schools looked pretty much like the ones in movies. My senior high was mostly preppie but the other schools I went to were mostly lower middle class.
I’m sure it happens but I always roll my eyes whenever I see some sitcom were the nerd is agonizing about who to take to the prom. It never even occurred to me that I could go to the prom. Heck it never even occurred to me that I could invite people to my birthday parties.
I wonder how many people have really inadvertently and irreversibly made two dates for the same prom/dance in real life.
Back in high school I trained as an EMT for my senior project. Our instructors told us how rare it is for pregnant women to actually deliver before getting to the hospital and that we might go our entire career without seeing it. One of the things that was hamered into us was to make every effort possible to protect her privacy even though, in the exact words of the midwife brought in for that unit, “No woman is going to give a damn about privacy when she’s actually pushing the baby out, but she will before and might after”. The women in the class found that hysterical.
I’ve had four without screaming. I’ve watched several documentaries showing delivery. I’ve talked about it with my friends. No screaming, although one woman did admit to telling her husband they’d never have sex again.
Why the screaming? Is it more attractive than moaning and groaning? Is it subliminal birth control? “Don’t get pregnant – it hurts!”
The only TV exception I remember is the blonde on Newhart, who emitted a quiet “Ew” and the babe was born. Or was that someone on Murphy Brown? Not sure.
That was Stephanie (Julia Duffy) on Newhart. Murphy Brown screamed like a banshee but was in the hospital. (One of my favorite lines was of Jim reading the monitor that measured her contractions and yelling “Watch out she’s gonna blow!” and there was a great scene of Giles jumping under her with his hands out when she was standing and he thought the baby was coming.
Speaking of childbirth; has anyone ever actually heard of a woman in labour insisting on the wedding going forward in the delivery room so she doesn’t give birth out of wedlock? :dubious: Has that ever happened in real life?
Nah, mate. Especially in the middle of the night, when the great brown shark might take the opportunity for a grand foray, I’m a’sittin’.
Yep. Apparently the young woman didn’t know she was pregnant. The groom in question ended up becoming a bank president.
I’m an ugly mf, and it’s happened to me many times. Then again, I consider myself kind of creepy, so I’m loathe to make the first move.
If there’s a teen in a film or a TV show and that teen is “rebelling”, chances are there’s a strategically located tree branch outside that teen’s bedroom window. They never sneak out the back door or the front door like I did.
Characters aren’t allowed to smoke anymore, unless they’re Nazis or serial killers. You can’t just be a suburban mom who smokes (cigarettes, folks!).
No one in a TV show has to pump gas or go to the drycleaners or the DMV. Mundane stupid errands are not shown. Characters get flat tires or their cars die, but there’s always a quick scene of the towtruck lights (if that) and then they’re magically at home, no problem!
No one uses fans on TV. All is climate controlled. And their fireplaces never smoke.
Assaulting or shooting a bad guy without legal repercussions. In TV shows and movies, once the police sort out who was the bad guy and that you were preventing or interrupting a crime, they pat you on the back and let you go. In real life you will be held to the strictest possible standard of necessary force, up to and including letting someone get away with a crime rather than resorting to assault. And that’s just criminal sanctions. Count on a civil suit by the person you assaulted (or by his family) no matter how righteous the circumstances of your actions.
This one I buy… My fiancee has three children (I have three of my own)… is a stay at home mom and while we dont have a live in maid, we are raising her oldest daugher’s child. She does have mad skillz, but it’s not why we are where we are…
My mother and stepfather had pretty much the same scenario except the numbers of children were different… I’d rather not speculate on my mother’s relative skills
(…the Brady Bunch joke is REALLY old here by now…)
I picture Titus Pullo sitting in the front row on the groom’s side of the hall, glowering at Carol Brady: “She’d better fuck him like Helen of Troy with her ass on fire or I’ll know the reason why.”