# Things that are funny to absolutely no one on this planet besides you **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 6, 2006, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242 "2006-02-06T15:52:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2006, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/21 "2006-02-06T22:31:17Z")
[Suppose U Drive](http://www.supposeudrive.com) Well, Suppose I don’t! ## What, you want I should drive? Amazin’ Fruit gummy bear candy. “That’s amaaaaaaazin’ fruit!” (My friend P. and I think both of the above are beyond hilarious.) Yes, we are aware that it is dumb.) ---
**Author:** ![Amaranta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Amaranta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amaranta)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2006, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/22 "2006-02-06T22:38:30Z")
I was having a terrible, terrible night at work last night, when I found one of those airport luggage tags you fill out with your address and stuff, in case your luggage gets lost? And the front was blank, but on the back it read PEDRO GARCIA with a phone number, area code 316. And a giant heart drawn on it. Just sitting on the counter. I laughed, and laughed, and laughed, and then looked for a phone book, and looked up the area code, and found out it belonged to Kansas, and laughed even harder. And I can’t even explain why. But his name is Pedro! Pedro Garcia! From Kansas! And someone thought someone should have his phone number! I want to call it. ---
**Author:** ![pestie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e5b9ba/32.png) [@pestie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pestie)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/23 "2006-02-07T00:33:30Z")
> [@Amazon Floozy Goddess](#): > > I find that funny when they just slowly kind of topple, and remain calmly where they fell like nothing at all happened. Oh, thank you! You just reminded me of the funniest thing I’ve ever seen a toddler do! I was dating this woman who had a son around 1-2 years old (I can’t even remember his exact age now - this was a while ago). He was fascinated by the little red dot from my laser pointer. He wouldn’t take his eyes off it. I slowly traced a path along the floor, up the wall, and onto the ceiling. I kept moving it back, directly over his head, and he kept looking at it - right up to the point where he leaned back so far that he fell over backwards! I just about wet myself laughing! He did the “remain calmly where he fell” thing, too. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/24 "2006-02-07T01:48:57Z")
I always thought it would be funny to have a VW bug dipped completely in chrome then drive it on a sunny clear day. Thus blinding everybody with in a 20 square mile radius because of the glare shinning down on my car from the sun. Why does nobody else see the genius in this? ---
**Author:** ![Emily\_Litella](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emily_litella/32/3370_2.png) [@Emily\_Litella](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emily_Litella)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/25 "2006-02-07T01:57:23Z")
A couple years ago my son saw a truck with the words “We care about your load” on the side. He still cracks himself up over it. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/26 "2006-02-07T01:58:46Z")
I used to drive a Yugo. I named it Victor. In five years of driving it, not one person ever so much as chuckled. (When I read _Good Omens_ in which the guy drives a car he named Ben Turpin praying somebody would one day ask why, I totally felt his pain.) John Goodman could come tell me that my house was on fire and I’d fall down laughing. For some reason I just think the guy is absolutely hysterical. Anytime newscasters go from a “…before turning the gun on himself” to “if you’ve never seen a squirrel ice skate, stay tuned” type story, their expression change makes me laugh. The scene in _Cat Ballou_ where Lee Marvin blows out the candles at a funeral and sings _Happy Birthday_ makes me laugh aloud every time. My mother calling me to complain that “Your brother just doesn’t understand that I think it’s crass for him to talk about his wife going through menopause” makes me laugh when this is a woman whose bowel movements and those of her dog I could write a qualitative and quantitative survey on for any 3 month period ("…and then the Immodium caused me to be so constipated I had to take some laxative- I like that generic ex-Lax they sell at CVS- and it took a day but it finally worked, but we’re talking little hard golf balls… but that poor little fat Marty had a runny one all over the tomato plant this morning…"). ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/27 "2006-02-07T02:23:13Z")
There’s a restaurant/bakery nearby with a big sign that reads: WE BAKE OUR OWN. I’m sure they have no idea why it’s funny. ---
**Author:** ![Tikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5daacb/32.png) [@Tikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tikki)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/28 "2006-02-07T02:40:08Z")
> [@SHAKES](#): > > I always thought it would be funny to have a VW bug dipped completely in chrome then drive it on a sunny clear day. Thus blinding everybody with in a 20 square mile radius because of the glare shinning down on my car from the sun. > Why does nobody else see the genius in this? I saw something similar down in Puyallup. The Volkswagen had some kind of shiny silver sheen to it that changed colors depending on the angle that the sun hit it. Pretty much like the back of a CD, only bigger. It wasn’t exactly blinding but I can see where it could be a distraction. I always wanted to own a Kia so I could have the license plate KIA PET or just PET. Maybe have some Astroturf in the front and back windows. > [@Nature's Call](#): > > I’ll proxy one for Mrs. Call: She found for sale in a dollar store a pin-backed button onto which was printed the words “Give me a dollar” > > This was two years ago. > > If you say to her “Give me a dollar” she pass her spleen. > > I don’t get it. I’m with Mrs. Call on this one. The irony of a Give Me a Dollar button in a Dollar Store! That’s pure comic genius! ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/29 "2006-02-07T02:40:17Z")
Used to be a deli on East 45th St, NYC, that was run by Spanish speaking people of some kind or another and had this sign in the window: **SERVIMOS DESAYUNO ALMUERZO Y CENA WE SERVE BREAKFAST LUNCH Y DINNER** Couple blocks west, someplace offered both **EEG** and **EEG N’BACON** sandwiches. What’s an eeg? An egg that’s gone a little bit round the bend? ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/30 "2006-02-07T02:45:09Z")
20 years later, I still giggle about the guy I saw leaning against a road sign. The sign read “DIP”. ---
**Author:** ![Lionne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Lionne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lionne)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/31 "2006-02-07T03:00:31Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > I used to drive a Yugo. I named it Victor. In five years of driving it, not one person ever so much as chuckled. May be a bit late, but… ::chuckle:: As to the OP, I always laugh when I see people at the local mall trying their hardest to push the door open, when it clearly says PULL in bold capital letters. I know it’s not their fault, it’s a design flaw, but still… I laugh. ---
**Author:** ![davenportavenger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f8ce5/32.png) [@davenportavenger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davenportavenger)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/32 "2006-02-07T03:00:56Z")
I thought the “That’s My Dog” episode of Six Feet Under was hilarious. Actually, not the whole episode, just the line where the guy says “don’t you EVER lie to my dog!” I laughed and laughed, and then I kept using the line over and over (usually with cat in place of dog since I have a cat and could find more ways to sneak that into conversation) until my roommate got mad and was like “it’s not that funny!” But it so is. I’m going to hell. A few months ago, I filed an academic paper by a guy with the name of Johannes H.A.M. Kaander. That was pretty hilarious. Actually, I could go on for five more pages with this stuff. I have a very bizarre sense of humor. I thought most of what people have posted so far is funny. EEG and bacon!!! ---
**Author:** ![Millit\_the\_Frail](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/51bf81/32.png) [@Millit\_the\_Frail](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Millit_the_Frail)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/33 "2006-02-07T03:30:45Z")
The Hoyt-Schermerhorn stop on the MTA. This radio car commercial that plays in Flint, MI. “That sure sounds like Flint to me!” The punchline “a Santa without a Claus!” ---
**Author:** ![ZebraShaSha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/eada6e/32.png) [@ZebraShaSha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZebraShaSha)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/34 "2006-02-07T03:37:43Z")
I’ve found everyone of these hillarious, especially the one with the Spanish sign up above. I’m that guy you know that laughs at basically everything, even when it is not appropriate. Actually, usually, I laugh harder then. Really, it’s not so much I laugh at everything, it’s just that I see perfect set ups, great situational humor, irony, and random jokes that are funny because they are bizarre, and no one seems to enjoy surrealism anymore. Sure, it’s not healthy, but it keeps me young. ---
**Author:** ![davenportavenger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f8ce5/32.png) [@davenportavenger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davenportavenger)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/35 "2006-02-07T03:38:47Z")
I also think the phrase “I’ll see you in hell” is implicitly funny, especially when combined with a relatively innocuous object, like “I’ll see you in hell, three receipts from the bottom of my pocket!” ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/36 "2006-02-07T03:48:22Z")
“That’s a really nice shirt . . . it’d be a shame if something happened to it.” (Long, slow beat while my husband, who just got home in his nice shirt and is about to _cook something,_ processes what I just said, and comes up with:) “Are you threatening my shirt?” ---
**Author:** ![Gail](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Gail](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gail)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/37 "2006-02-07T04:04:47Z")
This needs a little setup. I go to Bikram yoga…and the poses are the same every class. And, we the students are supposed to keep our talking to a bare minimum. There is a pose where we’re supposed grab our toes and scoot backwards on our butts to get in the right position. One of the teachers, when he’s telling us to do this, does kind of a shuffle dance. He started this several months ago and I laughed at him. I’m the only one who laughs and he does this during every class…and I still laugh. It just never gets old. The weird thing is I think he’s doing this because I laugh at him, but we’ve never mentioned it. And, to this day, nobody else laughs. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/38 "2006-02-07T04:07:26Z")
I used to occasionally stumble across a comedian (not like that) who’s entire schtick had something to do with ending a lot of sentences saying “on a stick.” So that became a catch phrase between my husband and I, always delivered with a Speedy Gonzales accent, to ensure a giggle. Recently, on my husband’s drive to work, he’d always pass a strip mall with three seperate signs in a row, under one another… **DONUTS** **GUNS** **DAYCARE** Yup. Welcome to Texas. 🙂 Oh, and Victor Hugo cracked me up. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/39 "2006-02-07T04:08:50Z")
Or dammit, Yugo rather. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/40 "2006-02-07T04:15:59Z")
The [element naming controversy](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Element_naming_controversy). I don’t know why it is, but somehow the idea that professional scientific bodies have spent 35 years ponderously arguing about this issue strikes me as being more hilarious than all five Marx brothers on a nitrous oxide binge. And I’ll admit the aluminum/aluminium thing gives me a chuckle too. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242.md?page=3)