# Things that are funny to absolutely no one on this planet besides you **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 6, 2006, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242 "2006-02-06T15:52:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2007, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/141 "2007-02-13T20:00:25Z")
[QUOTE=Amazon Floozy Goddess] I find that funny when they just slowly kind of topple, and remain calmly where they fell like nothing at all happened. [/QUOTE] Much like a cat who makes the most spectacular fall…or fails at a spectacular leap, followed by paniced stare, followed by quick switch to grooming himself sending out messages that “That never happened, that never happened, and if it did I meant to do it”. But of course that doesn’t belong in this thread because everyone thinks that’s funny. Except the cat. ---
**Author:** ![mrklutz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ebca7d/32.png) [@mrklutz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrklutz)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2007, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/142 "2007-02-13T21:00:48Z")
I’m going to be thinking “Are you threatening my shirt?” for the rest of the day. Heh. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2007, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/143 "2007-02-13T21:51:58Z")
If you want me to crack up, say “Dr. White, the veteranian?” Long story ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2007, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/144 "2007-02-13T22:34:10Z")
[QUOTE=faithfool] I used to occasionally stumble across a comedian (not like that) who’s entire schtick had something to do with ending a lot of sentences saying “on a stick.” So that became a catch phrase between my husband and I, always delivered with a Speedy Gonzales accent, to ensure a giggle. [/QUOTE] That’s part of ventriloquist Jeff Dunham’s act with José Jalapeño. [www.onastick.com](http://www.onastick.com). ---
**Author:** ![Kevbo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e47774/32.png) [@Kevbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kevbo)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2007, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/145 "2007-02-13T22:37:22Z")
At my last job, we got an order from the University of Northern Texas. I’d giggle every time anyone would mention that customer. (imagining the campus radio station) ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2007, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/146 "2007-02-13T23:20:57Z")
I like to go into town, last shopping day before Christmas, get slightly drunk and watch the last minute buyers panicking. Not sure if I actually find it funny, but I don’t know anyone else who makes a point of doing it. ---
**Author:** ![Avarie537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/48db29/32.png) [@Avarie537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avarie537)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/147 "2007-02-14T00:07:54Z")
I love zombie threads! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Karen\_Lingel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/karen_lingel/32/18649_2.png) [@Karen\_Lingel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Karen_Lingel)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/148 "2007-02-14T00:24:59Z")
I was playing around with our company’s mail software and found you could embed a button in your email, and make the button reply to sender, with any text you want. After doing some experiments, I found that the reply you would send using that button is not recorded in your Sent Items list, and there is no way to figure out in advance what the button is going to do. I figured I would amuse myself by getting my colleagues to push that button and send me replies saying “I am a huge goober”. Then I found the “reply to all” feature. I had to stagger to the ladies room, I could not stop laughing. -k- ---
**Author:** ![Electrical\_Storm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac8455/32.png) [@Electrical\_Storm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electrical_Storm)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/149 "2007-02-14T01:34:25Z")
[QUOTE=Kevbo] At my last job, we got an order from the University of Northern Texas. I’d giggle every time anyone would mention that customer. (imagining the campus radio station) [/QUOTE] I spent a year in college in that area before transferring out. We all called the radio station KUNT. 😃 Predictably, they couldn’t roll with it and make a good joke out of KUNT call letters. I think they were KNTU, or something boring like that, but can’t quite recall. (North Texas University) Heh. I’d almost forgotten the hilarity of, “Ward, you were a little hard on the Beaver last night.” Yes, I repeated my laughing jag on that from last year. It’s \*that \* funny for me. 🆒 Oh yeah, and the guy in the elevator who glanced down at my Mary Jane-style shoes and asked me, “Oh, do you swing?” Swing _dancing_. Ya pervs. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kairos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecc23a/32.png) [@Kairos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kairos)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/150 "2007-02-14T01:53:53Z")
[QUOTE=Kevbo] At my last job, we got an order from the University of Northern Texas. I’d giggle every time anyone would mention that customer. (imagining the campus radio station) [/QUOTE] Good to know that this has retained it humor for you for at least seven months. I’ll be sure to resurrect this thread in Septemeber to check in on you. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/151 "2007-02-14T04:45:08Z")
Oh heavens, doesn’t EVERYONE laugh at “The Core”? We rented that movie specifically FOR the comedic aspect we anticipated… and it delivered! My favorite were the geodes in the center of the earth! Daaaangerous geodes! I can’t beat “Are you threatening my shirt?” for sure… but sometimes I worry my sense of humor is out of whack with the rest of the normal world. There is this scene in the Simpson’s episode “Brother Can You Spare Two Dimes?” when Homer’s brother returns and is trying to pitch him a business proposal. He starts by demonstrating what other geniuses have already patented–and uses the famous “bobbing head drinking bird” as an example. One night my husband and I were watching this episode on DVD, and for some reason when Homer declared, “_Gasp_ He’s _drinking the water!_” with such outright incredulity, we just collapsed in a fit of giggles. We rewound it three time and played it over. Hilarious. I don’t know, it’s just the tone of voice with which he says it, and the fact that through the whole proposal all he can focus on is the bobbing head drinking bird. My husband and I are also notorious for inserting “Futurama” quotes into every possible context, and then busting up hysterically while other parties blink in confusion. Our favorite thing (because it can be used in so many contexts) is “That just raises _more_ questions!” There’s also a Futurama scene where Bender keeps compulsively bending things and he bends some hunk of metal into a capital L… blah blah anyways Fry remarks, “Unless you count the lower case letters…” Bender belts him across the face and screams, “You know we don’t!” with such indignation that I’m in tears just thinking about it. Even better are the random times we scream, “Windmills do not work that way!” We’ve long since given up on explaining. About 5% of all people I come across have ever heard of the show. As far as totally inappropriate humor… I remember a long time ago I read about a man who died while parasailing in a large city. He smacked int o the side of a building. I couldn’t stop laughing. It’s so wrong. I’m a compassionate person, I swear. But what a totally lame way to die! I also am serving on Jury Duty right now and seem to find everything hilarious for some reason. Before we went to selection panel they made us watch this video on the history of Jury Duty (think 300 people crammed into a lobby, not actually in a court room yet.) It’s totally a video from the 1970s and the first thing that you see on the screen is this background of old historic “scroll” writing and the words “1215: Magna Carta.” I had to fight back the giggles so hardcore because it reminds me of “America:The Book” where it says, “Were You Aware? The fact that the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 is the only thing you will ever learn about it.” Then later on in the video there’s a whole sweeping segment that narrates something along the lines of, “Even communist countries have received ambassadors from America to try to emulate our wonderful jury system!” Then I really WAS laughing. Eh, I’ll think of something good eventually… ---
**Author:** ![nevermore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a587f6/32.png) [@nevermore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nevermore)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/152 "2007-02-14T04:50:10Z")
“excuse me sir, is this your potting soil?” this is not a reference to anything. my girlfriend said it at wal-mart once to someone standing near a bag of soil that was in her way. I inexplicably went into fits of laughter, and she still to this day uses it to incapacitate me. ---
**Author:** ![OttoDaFe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ottodafe/32/356_2.png) [@OttoDaFe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OttoDaFe)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/153 "2007-02-14T06:16:36Z")
Toward the end of [The Big Fix](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0077233/) there is a scene in which Richard Dreyfuss is playing the bait in a trap for the bad guy. He’s reclining on a couch, smoking a joint and listening to _The Four Seasons_. Bad guy enters, and Dreyfuss utters the following: > [@](#): > > Hey man, want to listen to some classical music? At this point I started laughing almost to the point of hyperventilating, while the dozen or so other people in the theater (including my then-girlfriend) looked at me as if I had lost my marbles. Later, t-gf asked me what was so funny, and I replied, “Vivaldi didn’t write classical music, he wrote _baroque_ music!” She just gave me The Look (the one I truly believe all females know instinctively). We broke up shortly thereafter. Not my fault she didn’t have a sense of humor. . . . ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/154 "2007-02-14T06:31:59Z")
**Otto** , I see your point, but there is a large segement of the population that believes that if it’s orchestral, it must be classical. Hell’s Bells, there are large numbers of people out there who believe the following composers are all ‘classical’ composers: Arthur S. Sullivan, Antonin Dvorak, P.D.Q Bach, and even Vangelis. (When I realized that the Gracenote CDDB listed [Vangelis’ Antarctica](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nankyoku_Monogatari) as classical, I ended up howling for ten minutes, myself. Even longer than when I realized it listed [The Stoned Guest](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Stoned_Guest) the same way.) ---
**Author:** ![OttoDaFe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ottodafe/32/356_2.png) [@OttoDaFe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OttoDaFe)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/155 "2007-02-14T07:29:49Z")
Of course. That’s why I thought the story was appropriate for this thread. Was I wrong? ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/156 "2007-02-14T07:36:28Z")
No, you are not wrong. Just sharing some of my own similar experiences. Sorry for coming across as a know-it-all jerk. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/157 "2007-02-14T13:22:46Z")
Whenever I hear the SQL term “Where clause” I picture a jolly man in a red suit shaking uncontrollably until he grows out his beard and sports fangs and runs amok until his mouth is dripping with blood. And it’s always hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![Sunrazor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sunrazor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunrazor)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/158 "2007-02-14T15:15:38Z")
[QUOTE=GargoyleWB] Babies falling over. It is guaranteed to send me into weeping hysterics, and I’ve pissed off many a mother as I guffaw at a well-timed toddler pratfall. It distills all of the perfect slapstick comedy essences: The innocent stare, the drooly unexpectant smile, the sense of wonder at the newfound challenge of walking…and then…SPLAT! [/QUOTE] Your description is even funnier than the real thing. Of course, it also reminds me of my father-in-law. ---
**Author:** ![InappropriateHumor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/eb8c5e/32.png) [@InappropriateHumor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InappropriateHumor)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/159 "2007-02-14T16:21:43Z")
A long time ago I coded radiology and pathology reports for insurance filing. We would fairly often have one where the indication for the x-ray was something like “missing forceps”. The thought of the surgical team having to explain to the patient and family why they’re taking them back to x-ray just cracked me up. There was usually something I thought was a hoot and everyone else didn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242/160 "2007-02-14T20:06:09Z")
My former husband used to be an accountant for a large pork processing company. It wasn’t in his baileywick, but one time he ran across a listing of items, and their cost, which were stored in the (massive) freezer. He was struck by one entry: **Frozen bung**. By golly, it is true! They do use everything but the oink. I have told this story to dozens of people and the best I get is a smile, while I sometimes succomb to fits of hysterical giggles at the mere thought of “frozen bung” appearing on a dry accounting list. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-are-funny-to-absolutely-no-one-on-this-planet-besides-you/343242.md?page=9)