# Things that bug you about the opposite sex- and why they do them **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 16, 2002, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-bug-you-about-the-opposite-sex-and-why-they-do-them/114293 "2002-06-16T02:13:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Skewbald](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@Skewbald](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skewbald)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2002, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-bug-you-about-the-opposite-sex-and-why-they-do-them/114293/21 "2002-06-17T14:56:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by monica \* > \*\* > Skewbald: I know this is hard to understand, but shopping can be FUN! That’s why we have so many clothes. Also, with dressy stuff, guys can wear the same thing again and again. Its not an acceptable practive for women to do so. As for Party of Five, thats emotional. The waxing is physical. And yes, it does hurt like hell, but then there’s the saying, “beauty is pain.” We want to look good for you. As for the excessive phone talking, we’re catching up with our friends. I know that this is kind of cliche, but we gossip more and spend more time talking about other people and wondering about stuff. Chocolate I can’t explain, its just one of those things. I have heard, however, that it causes the same hormones or something to be secreted as sex does. 🙂 \*\* Thank you **monica** for giving me a glimpse into the mysterious female mind. Shopping is fun? We were at the mall on Saturday. Five hours of terror. All I wanted to do was to buy the new Gluecifer album on vinyl. She had bigger plans. Midways through I got this stabbing pain in my right arm and I had to sit down. I’m not exagerating. I hate the smell in clothing stores, it’s hell on earth. She bought me a large icecream afterwards so I guess she’s forgiven. After all I dragged her along to watch a skateboard competition that dragged on for about eight hours. ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2002, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-bug-you-about-the-opposite-sex-and-why-they-do-them/114293/22 "2002-06-17T16:09:25Z")
Unfortunately I can’t give a cite, but (vague memories) there was a show on the Discovery channel a few months ago about shopping. They wired up some poor guy with heart and respiration monitoring equipment, and sent him out to do some shopping. The claimed his heart rate and adrenline levels shot up into the fighter-pilot-entering-enemy-territory range. My fiance told me reproachfully that **he’d** told me shopping was stressful for him… Apparently, men tend to approach shopping by targeting the item they need, buying it, and getting the hell out of the store. Women are more likely to browse, and end up with multiple items they hadn’t planned on buying. ---
**Author:** ![Toaster52](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/50afbb/32.png) [@Toaster52](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toaster52)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2002, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-bug-you-about-the-opposite-sex-and-why-they-do-them/114293/23 "2002-06-17T16:56:22Z")
Qualifier: I am a man. \*Note: I’m not thumping my chest, just making a note… Things that bother me about women: 1). Getting yelled at by a woman for staring at her breasts, when she’s wearing a blouse with cleavage down to her navel. Talk about mixed messages!! I mean, let’s get real; if you DON’T want men to stare, why go to such obvious lengths to attract said attention?? It would be like me wearing a prominent codpiece and then snarling at women who stare at my groin… 2). This is not meant to let those men off the hook. Come on guys, be a little subtle about it!!! 3). Hi, Opal!! 4). The practice of answering a simple question of, “Sweetie, what’s wrong?” with “Nothing”…and then getting mad at us for not knowing what’s wrong…geez, you women wonder why we men hesitate to open up to you?! Conversation should be just that, a conversation, not a hidden minefield of subtle meanings and psychological examinations… 5). Getting yelled at, en masse, for the inequity of women’s pay vs men’s pay, while totally overlooking the inequity of the actual time spent working (men vs women). It does make a difference, you know. (…ducks the oncoming bricks…) Things I hate about men: 1). The tendency to treat women as nothing more than a possession. I don’t want to marry a _thing_, I want to marry a _ **human being** _, someone that I can live a life with. It’s so much more satisfying and pleasing. 2). I stop and ask for directions all the time, even more than my beloved…drives her crazy. It hasn’t ruined my sex drive yet, guys…I’m still all male… 3). I like sports, too, but I fail to see the attraction in being able to quote statistics to the nTH degree from 1938. I have better things to do with my time. 4). Being told that I’m insensitive when I don’t cry; usually said after a movie. Men do cry, too…just at different things. And usually in private. I bawled my head off when my Grandma died, but it was afterwards, in the privacy of my bedroom. SO much more to list, but that’s a start. ---
**Author:** ![Belrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed655f/32.png) [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2002, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-bug-you-about-the-opposite-sex-and-why-they-do-them/114293/24 "2002-06-17T19:25:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Toaster52 \* > \*\* > 1). Getting yelled at by a woman for staring at her breasts, when she’s wearing a blouse with cleavage down to her navel. Talk about mixed messages!! I mean, let’s get real; if you DON’T want men to stare, why go to such obvious lengths to attract said attention?? It would be like me wearing a prominent codpiece and then snarling at women who stare at my groin… > \*\* I have a hangup with this too. Couple of days ago, there’s a slim young woman walking downtown with a glittery shorty top on. So basically she’s got spangles all over her breasts. Somehow, it’s improper of me to notice. [mild rant] I do have a sub-theory. It’s improper for _me_ to notice but not the young athletic hot guy over there on the corner. Not being" traditionally handsome ™", I don’t know how many times I’ve gotten the impression that her inner dialogue is saying “I didn’t dress this way for _you_. You’re not attactive enough.” [/mild rant] ---
**Author:** ![TheNerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TheNerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheNerd)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2002, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-bug-you-about-the-opposite-sex-and-why-they-do-them/114293/25 "2002-06-17T21:36:38Z")
I think the low pants thing can be explained by the fact that women wear their pants at the waist (because they HAVE a waist), and guys wear their pants just above the hips because that’s where they natually fall to. Things I think I will never understand about women: 1. Why is telling left from right so damn hard? 2. Conversation: if you want to tell me something, tell me. Do not casually mention something that may lead to it in a tangent if I pick up on your hint. I won’t pick up on your hint. 2a. Please do not suddenly declare that I don’t care about your interests when I do not pick up on your hint. 3. You are not “always right”. You’re welcome to have any opinion or political stance, or whatever you want, but in factual matters the person who actually has the facts right is correct. End of story. It’s not a personal attack, it’s just trying to keep things rooted in reality. 4. Decorative soaps. I just don’t get it. 5. Wanting to talk about problems but NOT solve them. I’m sorry, if I hear of a problem my immediate reaction is to work out how to solve it. Even accepting that sometimes all you want is to express your feelings about it, if a guy presents a possible solution, why is that bad? Wouldn’t you feel better if the problem was solved? ---
**Author:** ![RadioWave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/91b2a8/32.png) [@RadioWave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RadioWave)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2002, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-bug-you-about-the-opposite-sex-and-why-they-do-them/114293/26 "2002-06-18T00:00:55Z")
…about that indecision thing… I can understand if women are indecisive because they want to be nice but I’ve met a fair number of women who can’t even order dinner for themselves in less than 20 minutes. Obviously, I’m not saying most women are like this, but I’ve never met _any_ men who didn’t at least try to make a quick decision. What are they frightened of? Does she think the chef is gonna judge her based on her preference for potatoes over pasta? Is this some sort of lingering paternal approval syndrome? ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2002, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-bug-you-about-the-opposite-sex-and-why-they-do-them/114293/27 "2002-06-18T00:39:07Z")
I don’t know. **I** can (almost always) decide what I want to have for dinner. BTW, I just took my fiance on a highly-sucessful shopping trip. He stood in the changeroom, and I wandered around the store and brought him clothes to try on. Worked perfectly. He bought me a dress! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2002, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-bug-you-about-the-opposite-sex-and-why-they-do-them/114293/28 "2002-06-18T00:43:36Z")
I don’t know. **I** can (almost always) decide what I want to have for dinner. 😉 BTW, I just took my fiance on a highly-sucessful shopping trip. He stood in the changeroom, and I wandered around the store and brought him clothes to try on. Worked perfectly. He bought me a dress! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![celestina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/258eb7/32.png) [@celestina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/celestina)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2002, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-bug-you-about-the-opposite-sex-and-why-they-do-them/114293/29 "2002-06-18T01:07:47Z")
I don’t understand why a lot of fellas I’ve run into are so competitive and feel like they have to win at everything, and god forbid if I or any other woman bests them at anything. [sigh] You’re not _less_ of a man if I beat you at Spades or Poker or whatever. I also don’t understand why some fellas feel that if they open up their sensitive side to their male peers, then they’ll be seen as less than a man. If your peers are that shallow and insecure in themselves and their right to express themselves, then you don’t need them as friends, now do you? I don’t understand why fellas won’t share with me what kind of things they talk about with their peers in the lockerroom or wherever it is that they hang out where women usually don’t. Is lockerroom talk really that bad, and if it is so bad that they feel they can’t share it with females, then why do they engage in it? 😕 I don’t know whether to be amused, annoyed, or gratified when a fella takes it upon himself to protect me from something I think I can handle perfectly well. If I need help, then I’ll ask for it. [giggle] Y’all fellas are strange, but you’re cute, that is, when you’re not confusing the hell out of me. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![owlofcreamcheese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/97f17d/32.png) [@owlofcreamcheese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/owlofcreamcheese)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2002, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-bug-you-about-the-opposite-sex-and-why-they-do-them/114293/30 "2002-06-18T01:49:46Z")
most annoying thing women do: argue compliments. “aww, you look great!” “no I don’t” “yes, your right, I just said that as an elaborate plan to steal your wallet, you foiled my plans again!” ---
**Author:** ![blowero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blowero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blowero)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2002, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-bug-you-about-the-opposite-sex-and-why-they-do-them/114293/31 "2002-06-18T07:53:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by monica \* > There are some things that I’ve noticed about guys that bug me a little, and I was wondering why they do them. First of all, the whole “sagging” thing with their pants. (For those of you who don’t know, this is when they wear their pants really, really baggy so that its a marvel that they stay on, as well as exposing their boxers in the process.) Yeah, that looks like crap. > [@](#): > > Also, the fact that they stare so unabashedly at certain features on our bodies. :eek: I mean, we look at them, but we don’t stare. That’s pretty jerky, unless the woman is really going out of her way to show off those certain features, in which case she she shouldn’t be surprised. And we’ve all seen women who do this. > [@](#): > > And the way that they seem to think that it’s some sort of accomplishment to sleep with as many women as possible. What is up with that? That’s shallow. On the other hand, there are obviously women who are sleeping with these jerks, or they wouldn’t have anything to brag about. Maybe this relates to the “nice guys finish last” thread? > [@](#): > > And guys, what do women do that annoys you that you can’t seem to understand? Maybe we can explain it for you.🙂 Well, it’s hard to think of anything I don’t like about women (I just keep thinking how they’re soft and smell nice), but I guess if I’m really nitpicking: -You want to talk all the time, but aren’t really keen on COMMUNICATING - even real basic stuff like “where do you want to go for dinner?”, or “what’s the matter?” And we don’t read minds - if you want something, ASK FOR IT. And sorry, I’m not interested in hearing about your cat. -Constantly fishing for compliments, as in “I’m so fat”, or “I hate my hair”. When we have to tell you you look beautiful for the 20th time in one day, it sort of loses its meaning. -Why the mental block about cars? I’m not suggesting you learn how to rebuild your engine, but would it kill you to know how to check your own oil and put air in the tires? Honestly, it couldn’t be simpler. Are you really that frail? -And men are not anywhere near as picky as you think we are. Yes, we like a nice body - but seriously, you don’t have to be thin as a rail. It’s just not that crucial. And for the most part, not having the perfect hairstyle, highlights, plucked eyebrows, manicure, etc. are not going to be deal-breakers for us. And skip the boob-job. I mean, if a guy wants you just for your big tits, do you really want HIM? -Oh yeah, one more - we are not (repeat - not) impressed that you ordered just a salad when we went out for dinner, then ate a quart of Haagen-Dazs in secret when you got home. Why can’t you have a good time when you’re with us, and save the self-denial for when you’re alone, instead of the other way around? ---
**Author:** ![celestina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/258eb7/32.png) [@celestina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/celestina)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2002, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-bug-you-about-the-opposite-sex-and-why-they-do-them/114293/32 "2002-06-18T14:44:10Z")
**blowero** said: > [@](#): > > -You want to talk all the time, but aren’t really keen on COMMUNICATING - even real basic stuff like “where do you want to go for dinner?”, or “what’s the matter?” And we don’t read minds - if you want something, ASK FOR IT. And sorry, I’m not interested in hearing about your cat. > -Why the mental block about cars? I’m not suggesting you learn how to rebuild your engine, but would it kill you to know how to check your own oil and put air in the tires? Honestly, it couldn’t be simpler. Are you really that frail? Well, I can only speak for myself, hon, but actually I am interesting in communicating substantive stuff, NOT talking all the time. I actually really enjoy companionable silences or conversations that give me insights into a person’s character that are balanced, rather than one-sided. As far as basic stuff like where I want to eat or what do I want to eat, I confess that I have a difficult time deciding, but that’s because by the time I get to that point I’m so tired of having to make decisions that I really don’t care. 🙂 Sorry if that sounds lame, but that’s me. I do know that if something’s bugging me, I’m going to tell someone about it. They won’t have to ask me what’s the matter, and if they do wind up asking me, then they won’t have long to wait to find out what it is. [giggle] As far as cars go, I would like to learn more about them, but I don’t have the time. I just want to get in the damn thing, put the key in the ignition, and go. I’m proud to say that I do know where the oil thingy is and how to check my oil, but I’m just going to have to pay someone to change the oil for me. I suppose if I have to, I can figure out how to put air in my tires. ---
**Author:** ![blowero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blowero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blowero)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2002, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-bug-you-about-the-opposite-sex-and-why-they-do-them/114293/33 "2002-06-18T18:49:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by celestina \* > Well, I can only speak for myself, hon, but actually I am interesting in communicating substantive stuff, NOT talking all the time. That’s good, sweetie - and I don’t wear low-slung pants:) > [@](#): > > As far as basic stuff like where I want to eat or what do I want to eat, I confess that I have a difficult time deciding, but that’s because by the time I get to that point I’m so tired of having to make decisions that I really don’t care. 🙂 That’s ok, as long as you don’t say “I don’t care”, and THEN veto HIS choice. That drives me nuts. > [@](#): > > As far as cars go, I would like to learn more about them, but I don’t have the time. I just want to get in the damn thing, put the key in the ignition, and go. Well it’s not gonna go very far if there’s no oil or coolant in it. I’m not talking about you, Celestina, but for _some_ women, I don’t get how they can spend an hour deciding what kind of shower curtain to buy, but can’t spare 10 seconds to check their own oil. They can understand that the car will stop running without gas, but anything beyond that, no matter how simple, is a waste of precious time away from shopping or getting a makeover. It’s not a lack of ability to understand, but more like an obstinate refusal to know anything about cars. > [@](#): > > They won’t have to ask me what’s the matter, and if they do wind up asking me, then they won’t have long to wait to find out what it is. [giggle] > > I’m proud to say that I do know where the oil thingy is and how to check my oil, but I’m just going to have to pay someone to change the oil for me. I suppose if I have to, I can figure out how to put air in my tires. Wow, my kind of woman:) Oh, and I thought of one more thing that bugs me: When we’re watching a movie, it’s really not necessary for you to comment on things that are painfully obvious, like “Oh, that’s so sad”. I already figured it out from the tear-jerking music and all the people crying. ---
**Author:** ![butter\_pie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aca169/32.png) [@butter\_pie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/butter_pie)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2002, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-bug-you-about-the-opposite-sex-and-why-they-do-them/114293/34 "2002-06-18T22:50:57Z")
Not much bugs me, except that I can’t seem to find a single guy who doesn’t run away in horror at the sight of a camera. I just want a picture of you FOR ME… no one else is even going to see it… and I have to use Photoshop if I want a decent photo of us together. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![monica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a183cd/32.png) [@monica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monica)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2002, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-bug-you-about-the-opposite-sex-and-why-they-do-them/114293/35 "2002-06-21T01:08:35Z")
Did you ever stop to think that maybe when we tell you that nothing is wrong, there might actually be nothing wrong? Sometimes we just get moody. ---
**Author:** ![Cardinal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardinal/32/4000_2.png) [@Cardinal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardinal)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2002, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-bug-you-about-the-opposite-sex-and-why-they-do-them/114293/36 "2002-06-21T07:09:45Z")
I second the bit about women who refuse to learn about some things even on the most elementary level. I dated a girl who could not understand the most simple things about many subjects, just becasue she wouldn’t pay attention. Now when it came to learning what to look for in a diamond for an engagement ring… ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2002, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-bug-you-about-the-opposite-sex-and-why-they-do-them/114293/37 "2002-06-21T07:48:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TheNerd \* > \*\*5. Wanting to talk about problems but NOT solve them. I’m sorry, if I hear of a problem my immediate reaction is to work out how to solve it. Even accepting that sometimes all you want is to express your feelings about it, if a guy presents a possible solution, why is that bad? Wouldn’t you feel better if the problem was solved? \*\* Hear hear! What bugs me, and I realize this is not universal, but the purpose of this thread is to generalize, so I’m pressing on: women, in my experience, test the boundaries. Let me explain. Suppose something bothers you. Say, asparagus. You mention to your significant other that you do not like asparagus, so please don’t make it for dinner. This, my friends, is where it begins. This starts a cycle of her preparing a small, separate batch of asparagus for herself, making a point of consuming it with visible gusto. She’ll look at recipes that call for asparagus and sigh over them in your presence. She’ll tell your friends in social settings about your War On Asparagus. And so on and so on, until finally **enough! Stop with the asparagus already!** An explosion. This was purely a hypothetical. But, in my experience, when you’re in a relationship with a woman, she will figure out something that bothers you, a “button” in your psyche. And she’ll push it, first occasionally, then more frequently, testing the boundary, seeing just how far she can go, how much irritation you’ll take. And when you finally explode (NOT, I wish to stress, in a violent fashion), she backs off. For a while. Eventually, she’ll start pushing that button again… Ladies, why? Why, why, WHY do you take such delight in irritating us in small ways that you KNOW irritate us? (and I don’t want to get any letters from the U.S. Asparagus Council, either. It’s a fine vegetable and I wish it luck in all its future endeavors.) ---
**Author:** ![blowero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blowero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blowero)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2002, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-bug-you-about-the-opposite-sex-and-why-they-do-them/114293/38 "2002-06-21T08:07:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by monica \* > \*\*Did you ever stop to think that maybe when we tell you that nothing is wrong, there might actually be nothing wrong? Sometimes we just get moody. \*\* C’mon, Monica - give us a LITTLE credit. We can tell when something is wrong. You’ll tell us about it eventually - sometimes we just don’t know when. ---
**Author:** ![gex\_gex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/94ad74/32.png) [@gex\_gex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gex_gex)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2002, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-bug-you-about-the-opposite-sex-and-why-they-do-them/114293/39 "2002-06-21T15:55:18Z")
I’m a guy. I do, however, like to shop. I own many pairs of shoes, and think that I can never have enough clothes. I’m proud to say that on two seperate occasions, I have bored girls out of (mixed) clothes shops. but i really must say… > [@](#): > > _originally posted by The Loaded Dog_ > “I think the Tigers will make the semifinals if they don’t lose any more players to injury” GO TIGERS!!! If only I could believe you. It’s been 33 years now goddammit! don’t we deserve it??? i’m only human!!! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-bug-you-about-the-opposite-sex-and-why-they-do-them/114293.md?page=1)