# Things that can't be unheard **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 5, 2013, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-cant-be-unheard/649359 "2013-02-05T04:05:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Beelzebubba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Beelzebubba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beelzebubba)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2013, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-cant-be-unheard/649359/21 "2013-02-07T01:50:10Z")
The first thing that came to mind when I saw this topic was a scene from the Arrested Development, Season 3 episode “Prison Break-In”. Lucille was planning to have an affair with the prison warden where her husband is incarcerated. She is waiting for him in the conjugal trailer when her son Michael (Jason Bateman) shows up and tries to talk hner out of it. After making a touching, but failed, plea trying to change her mind, Lucille says, \*\*\*“I want to cry so bad, but I don’t think I can spare the moisture.” \*\*\* Words that no son should EVER hear coming from his mother…even worse when his mom is over the age of 60!!! I cringe every time I see that part of the episode… ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2013, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-cant-be-unheard/649359/22 "2013-02-08T17:43:42Z")
My MIL trying to explain to my husband how she feels about _50 Shades of Grey_. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2013, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-cant-be-unheard/649359/23 "2013-02-08T18:21:02Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > “She’s jerking me off under the table!” from a guy at my table in a military club, as his girlfriend was doing same. Was he bragging or complaining? ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2013, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-cant-be-unheard/649359/24 "2013-02-08T19:36:26Z")
“Giving birth to him stretched my cunt out this wide! It never recovered.” With hand gestures and an Irish accent, and repeated in muttering tones. Said to me by my best friend’s mother. He does have a large skull. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2013, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-cant-be-unheard/649359/25 "2013-02-08T20:05:34Z")
> [@Beelzebubba](#): > > I can forgive, but I can’t forget some things. Based upon your description of the conversation, I think the same could be said for your mom. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2013, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-cant-be-unheard/649359/26 "2013-02-08T20:07:37Z")
I’ll never unhear the Monstrous Fart that emerged from my parents bedroom one night when I was a teen. Granted, our bedrooms shared a common wall. But _it woke me up_. I was surprised the next morning to find that I still had two parents. I figured even if they survived the blast that one would have killed the other. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2013, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-cant-be-unheard/649359/27 "2013-02-08T20:20:11Z")
Amidst all the adulation toward Whitney Houston when she died, I couldn’t unhear what she had said and it ruined any thoughts of her for me. It was something to the effect of she would\* have constipation so bad that Bobby Brown would have to scoop poop out of her with a spoon. Now, obviously we all have to do things in the privacy of our own home that are gross but no one hears about. But to say it out loud while cameras are rolling?! \*spoilered because remember, you can’t unhear this ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2013, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-cant-be-unheard/649359/28 "2013-02-08T20:21:22Z")
Argh! Can’t! Unread! ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2013, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-cant-be-unheard/649359/29 "2013-02-08T20:23:29Z")
> [@Pixiesnix](#): > > Can I add a heartwarming one? > > I was trying to get Dad up for his radiation treatment (he died from brain cancer about a week and a half ago) and I said something to the effect of, “I don’t care if you don’t like me at the moment, you have to get up.” > > He looked me in the eye and said, “Honey, I will never not like you.” > > It’s something I will always carry with me, in a good way. I’m sorry for your loss, and happy that you had a warm relationship with your dad. I was lucky too to be able to have great conversations with my mom when she was dying. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2013, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-cant-be-unheard/649359/30 "2013-02-08T20:30:00Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > I’m sorry for your loss, and happy that you had a warm relationship with your dad. I was lucky too to be able to have great conversations with my mom when she was dying. Mama Plant was hallucinating. She saw people who weren’t there and was afraid of them. That was rough, “I swear to G-d, Mama, there’s nobody there.” ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2013, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-cant-be-unheard/649359/31 "2013-02-08T20:36:59Z")
> [@Pixiesnix](#): > > Can I add a heartwarming one? > > I was trying to get Dad up for his radiation treatment (he died from brain cancer about a week and a half ago) and I said something to the effect of, “I don’t care if you don’t like me at the moment, you have to get up.” > > He looked me in the eye and said, “Honey, I will never not like you.” > > It’s something I will always carry with me, in a good way. I was thinking of some heartbreakers too, but I’ll take a page from your book and add a heartwarming one. When I turned 30, I cried all day. I was upset because my life was nowhere near where I thought it would be by the time I turned 30, so I felt like an abject failure. My mom called to tell me happy birthday and she handed the phone over to my grandfather, who was in his late 70s/early 80s at the time. I bitched and moaned about my birthday and said this one wasn’t so happy. He listened and then said, “Well. You will always be young and beautiful.” A smartass to the bitter end, I replied with, “Well, yeah to _you_.” 😃 He cracked up. But I decided that his words made me feel so good that I try to forbid people from telling me happy birthday. Because those words sort of ring hollow to me, like saying bless you after a sneeze. It’s just a reflexive thing people say to be polite. So I ask my friends to tell me “You will always be young and beautiful.” Makes me feel like a million bucks every time, even if it is a whopping lie. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2013, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-cant-be-unheard/649359/32 "2013-02-08T21:35:25Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Mama Plant was hallucinating. She saw people who weren’t there and was afraid of them. That was rough, “I swear to G-d, Mama, there’s nobody there.” Similarly, listening to my mother-in-law, deep in the throes of Alzheimer’s disease, ramble on and on in a terrible voice about what (some unknown) “he” is doing and how he’s killed little girls and how she hates “him.” ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2013, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-cant-be-unheard/649359/33 "2013-02-08T21:39:20Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > Similarly, listening to my mother-in-law, deep in the throes of Alzheimer’s disease, ramble on and on in a terrible voice about what (some unknown) “he” is doing and how he’s killed little girls and how she hates “him.” Jesus. ---
**Author:** ![Mrs.Cake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2acd7d/32.png) [@Mrs.Cake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrs.Cake)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2013, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-cant-be-unheard/649359/34 "2013-02-08T21:42:23Z")
Several years ago when my sister-in-law told me that she was first really attracted to my brother because he had a huge dick. That was bad enough, but later I happened to mention it to my mother, who said “Really? I guess he doesn’t take after your father.” Way more info than I needed about either of them, thanks. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2013, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-cant-be-unheard/649359/35 "2013-02-08T22:15:24Z")
> [@Mrs.Cake](#): > > “Really? I guess he doesn’t take after your father.” How the hell would somebody’s _ **Mother** _ know what… No, no, no. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2013, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-cant-be-unheard/649359/36 "2013-02-08T23:11:46Z")
**Pixiesnix** , I’m so sorry for your loss. ☹ That’s a lovely memory though. As for mine, the worst is my mother telling me I’m demon possessed because of my mental health issues. In her world, there is no bigger insult. And that’s just one of the myriad bad things she’s said that I can’t unhear, it’s just the best. ---
**Author:** ![Pacific420](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Pacific420](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pacific420)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2013, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-cant-be-unheard/649359/37 "2013-02-09T04:47:56Z")
Be strong Faithfool ---
**Author:** ![Clarisse\_McClellan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Clarisse\_McClellan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clarisse_McClellan)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2013, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-cant-be-unheard/649359/38 "2013-02-09T21:07:09Z")
My MIL, having had a hysterectomy three weeks prior, explaining to me why she had to go back in for a minor procedure to repair some mesh or sutures or something saying my FIL kept telling her “he could feel something up there that was making him sore”. Eeeyeah. ---
**Author:** ![gerund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ed655f/32.png) [@gerund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gerund)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2013, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-cant-be-unheard/649359/39 "2013-02-09T21:23:19Z")
I’m fairly certain my elderly grandmother once sharted as she got up from her chair to go use the bathroom. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2013, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-cant-be-unheard/649359/40 "2013-02-10T03:35:27Z")
> [@Pacific420](#): > > Be strong Faithfool Thank you. That was quite a while ago (hell, I even posted about it in the Pit) and I’ve mostly relegated it to an amusing anecdote in my head. So, I’m pretty much okay now. Just another sign that my mother is really the screwed up one. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-cant-be-unheard/649359.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-cant-be-unheard/649359.md?page=3)