# Things that go "HELP!!!!" in the night... my first MMP **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** mmp\ **Created:** [December 11, 2006, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-go-help-in-the-night-my-first-mmp/383657 "2006-12-11T05:36:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2006, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-go-help-in-the-night-my-first-mmp/383657/41 "2006-12-11T16:11:45Z")
Great OP, **BBS2K**. It’s remarkable how things turn out sometimes – how is it that she ended up on the street? Surely her water breaking must have given indication that she was about to give birth so I would have thought an ambulance was in order, but there was no mention of a car, so … was she _walking_ to the hospital? Amazing. It was great that you were there to save the day, though! I had a pretty good, if busy weekend. The weather was spectacular for the time of year – I swear it hit the low double-digits (Celsius) on Sunday. We did more Christmas shopping – we tend to do it in bits and pieces here and there as we work out what we should get for whom and where. We had some company so we hit a variety of places as we all three of us looked for gifts for people. In the process of wandering about the mall and ending up in Zellers (a Canadian budget department store chain – think WalMart without the smiley faces or pin-speckled greeter) I discovered a fascinating scientific phenomenon occurring. It appears that, surrounding every item and sign in the store, there exist unseen, swirling, otherworldly vortices with a gravitational pull of about thirty feet. Contrary to Newton’s observations, these gravity wells are of myriad different types and act only upon those within their pull whose particular interests fall upon the objects they orbit. My wife is particularly sensitive to these eddies, particularly around the clothing and toy departments, and as we walked around the store, she was invariably and repeatedly sucked into the powerful draw of these extraordinary Events. This is not a new thing, but I hadn’t come up with this particular theory – which I am calling the **Quantum Retail Singularity Theory** (QRST) – until the significance of present events had dawned on me. I think I will draw up a paper and send it to Scientific American. Astronomical phenomena aside, we managed to cross almost the last few people from our list – we have only one more person to buy for, and being that he’s relatively well off and very picky about the sort of things he will accept, it’s been a bit of a struggle to find something that doesn’t come off as cheap but still manages to appeal at least marginally to his rather refined tastes. Not quite a “what do you get for the man who has everything” scene, more like “what do you get for the man who doesn’t like much that’s affordable?” Work has so far been pretty hectic. I was already interrupted half a dozen times while writing this. I’m expecting another busy day in what so far has been a busy couple of weeks. I guess I can thank the snow that buried the snow belt west of us for that, 'cos we haven’t so much as a flake on the ground. Actually, it’s been lightly raining on and off. Sorry, **LiLi**. I tried sending some of London’s batch your way, but it just melted as it passed over Mississauga. ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2006, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-go-help-in-the-night-my-first-mmp/383657/42 "2006-12-11T16:24:16Z")
[QUOTE=Mindfield] how is it that she ended up on the street? Surely her water breaking must have given indication that she was about to give birth so I would have thought an ambulance was in order, but there was no mention of a car, so … was she _walking_ to the hospital? [/QUOTE] If the hospital is the one I think it is, it is very possible she WAS walking. Not your average suburban hospital with multiple parking lots. Think big city. **welby** , we usually get to see them even over here in O-Town, but at night, they are something else. Like a huge comet streaking across the sky. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2006, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-go-help-in-the-night-my-first-mmp/383657/43 "2006-12-11T16:27:16Z")
I was still awake at 6 this morning. When I finally got to sleep, I had the _weirdest_ dream. I don’t remember all the details (aside from some sort of ferris-wheel style people mover that was bright blue) but I was involved with some sort of espionage. I had some sort of information disc I wasn’t supposed to have. I was discussing it with someone over the phone, and said “and I’m not going to tell you what I did with it in case the phone is tapped”. A voice in the room says “It’s not only tapped - we have a trace on you”. I woke up in a cold sweat, absolutely scared to death. The SPHL director says the penalties will be handed down tomorrow after he reviews the game tapes and the referee’s report. He is quoted as saying there is no standard penalty but that what our guy did isn’t as bad as going after someone with a stick, which a player on another team got a 20 game suspension for. So we’ll have to wait and see. Back later… ---
**Author:** ![Sean\_Factotum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Sean\_Factotum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_Factotum)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2006, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-go-help-in-the-night-my-first-mmp/383657/44 "2006-12-11T16:29:23Z")
Good morning. Great OP **bbs2K**. Okay, that’s all I got time for now. Talk to y’all later. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2006, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-go-help-in-the-night-my-first-mmp/383657/45 "2006-12-11T16:35:00Z")
Ugh. I feel like I spent half the night coughing. Someone make it go away! Please? Okay, I am going to be productive today if it kills me. Happy Monday everyone. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2006, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-go-help-in-the-night-my-first-mmp/383657/46 "2006-12-11T16:44:46Z")
The marathon meeting is over. YAY!!! Then again, we do all this stuff once a month and it saves on many mini meetings all month long, so I guess a once a month marathon meeting is not a bad thing. I still gotta meet with the insurance rep at some point today but she’s here all day. Sooner or later she’ll be unbusy and I’ll sneak in. It won’t take ten minutes cause I ain’t changin’ anything. Just gotta do it is all. I actually online shopped yesterday! Ok, I ordered some gift cards but still, it was better than actually gettin’ in da swampmobile and _shudder_ goin’ to the maul. I should have 'em by the end of the week. YAY!!! Howdy **'Mika and Welby**! Also, howdy to some new faces I saw upthread. I’d go back and look and list everybody but that requires effort. Wouldn’t want me strainin’ myself now would ya? 😃 I’m hungry. ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2006, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-go-help-in-the-night-my-first-mmp/383657/47 "2006-12-11T17:43:16Z")
Hey everybody! I’m back from the vet school. Maggie had her annual bloodwork done, and had her ears cleaned. Did you know a dog can cry non stop for 3 hours? I am waiting for the laundry room to be free, I think I’ll clean the bathroom while I’m waiting. **LiLi** , it’s the first time I’ve watched it this month. 😃 Hey **welby**! **VelJo** , heck, I gave my parents their presents back in June. **Mika** is back! Yah! ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2006, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-go-help-in-the-night-my-first-mmp/383657/48 "2006-12-11T17:51:51Z")
Almost time to make lunch. Hey, it’s a whole bunch of people! Including **welby** , but excluding **Ex**. Welcome back. Where the hell is **Rue**? Do I want nachos for lunch, or should I make something healthful? ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2006, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-go-help-in-the-night-my-first-mmp/383657/49 "2006-12-11T17:56:48Z")
Who says nachos aren’t healthy? You got yer veggies (and nachos are made of corn), you got yer dairy, and if so desired, you got yer meat. That’s two to three whole food groups right there! Hmpf. Unhealthy indeed. Me, I had the last of my leftover home-made chili. Mmmmm. Chili. ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2006, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-go-help-in-the-night-my-first-mmp/383657/50 "2006-12-11T17:58:08Z")
I’m tired, I’m crabby. People are stupid and selfish. My head hurts. I have to be at a board meeting tonight, there’s a 4 page long agenda and I’m the second to last item on it. Cool OP though. Be back later after I slaughter the guilty. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2006, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-go-help-in-the-night-my-first-mmp/383657/51 "2006-12-11T18:14:33Z")
My nachos will have cheddar and salsa. So I’ve covered the spicy, greasy, and salty food groups. You’re right! It’s very healthy! _Runs off to gorge on a gallon of poutine_ ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2006, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-go-help-in-the-night-my-first-mmp/383657/52 "2006-12-11T19:27:00Z")
Okay, I need _Good Doper Thoughts_ sent my way. My Firefighter 1 practical is tonight. Five skill stations, no idea what they are other than gearing up (all gear on and bottled up in less than 2 minutes) and knots and ladders. I’m nervous, not so much that I don’t know the information (because I do); it’s more a matter of just getting it over with NOW! I plan on getting there early to practice with my gear a little, and practice some knot-tying. I can do it, but I like to have a couple of warm-ups first. I don’t want to freeze up and suddenly draw a blank. Some of us are planning on going out afterwards. Hopefully it will be for a victory celebration. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2006, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-go-help-in-the-night-my-first-mmp/383657/53 "2006-12-11T19:37:20Z")
Cool Kid Doper Vibes headed out to **BibKitty**. CKDVs are the best. I’ve met with insurance lady. Work is picking up short-term disability starting in January. WOOHOO! What I did was added a rider that would pick up short-term disability for nine months at seventy percent of my salary after the thirteen weeks work short-term disability pays for. It’s costing me twelve dollah Amurrkin a month but I figure it’s worth it if’n I need it. That’d give me up to 15 months short-term disability if’n I needed it. Not that I plan on goin’ out and injuring myself or anything but one never knows when one might get hit by a bus. Or have a chunk of space junk fall on one’s haid. Gotta prepare for those things. I also upped what I put into my 401k thingy which comes with a nice work match, so that’s good too. Now all I need is for folks like **rigs, Spats, haze** and all you others in school to graduate and get jobs to support me in my old age. I plan on a luxurious retirement so make ‘em good payin’ jobs, ok? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2006, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-go-help-in-the-night-my-first-mmp/383657/54 "2006-12-11T19:52:25Z")
[QUOTE=swampbear] Cool Kid Doper Vibes headed out to **BibKitty**. CKDVs are the best. [/QUOTE] **bibby** , CKDVs from here as well. You’ll do great! > [@swampy](#): > > \one never knows when one might get hit by a bus. Or have a chunk of space junk fall on one’s haid. Or trip over a mop handle… > [@ditto](#): > > Now all I need is for folks like **rigs, Spats, haze** and all you others in school to graduate and get jobs to support me in my old age. I plan on a luxurious retirement so make ‘em good payin’ jobs, ok? 😃 And hurry up about it, too, cause I’m before the cub here. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2006, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-go-help-in-the-night-my-first-mmp/383657/55 "2006-12-11T20:19:43Z")
:: Throws a mophead at **puggy** :: 😛 A big 32 ounce one even. I know, I know, by the time I’m ready people like **puggy and FCM** will have already grabbed the good rooms at the home. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2006, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-go-help-in-the-night-my-first-mmp/383657/56 "2006-12-11T20:41:30Z")
\*\*Bibkitty, \*\* good luck! Argh why hasn’t moving-van-person called me back? Am I going to have to lug a mattress five blocks on foot? I think I had fresh vegetables for the first time in a week. At this rate I’m going to come down with scurvy. **swampy** , you know I’m a humanities major, right? Isn’t there a joke that says that the eternal question a humanities major asks is, “Do you want fries with that?” ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2006, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-go-help-in-the-night-my-first-mmp/383657/57 "2006-12-11T20:45:42Z")
[QUOTE=swampbear] I know, I know, by the time I’m ready people like **puggy and FCM** will have already grabbed the good rooms at the home. [/QUOTE] Bite me, **bearboy**!! 😛 And here I was coming to congratulate you on your foresight, since old geezers like you are prone to accidents. _Wonderful OP!!_ Did I ever mention my Uncle Bob was born in a taxi on the way to the hospital - almost 70 years ago! I remember my grandfather telling us he had to tip the driver extra well for messing up his cab! My day was very boring. Four more to go till I’m on leave. So there’s that. And that’s all for now. ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2006, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-go-help-in-the-night-my-first-mmp/383657/58 "2006-12-11T20:50:56Z")
[QUOTE=FairyChatMom] _Wonderful OP!!_ Did I ever mention my Uncle Bob was born in a taxi on the way to the hospital - almost 70 years ago! I remember my grandfather telling us he had to tip the driver extra well for messing up his cab! [/QUOTE] You know, I’m pretty sure New York City cabs charge a fine to those who vomit in the backseat … I wonder if it applies for afterbirth? ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2006, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-go-help-in-the-night-my-first-mmp/383657/59 "2006-12-11T20:56:49Z")
Have I ever told y’all I really do believe I’ll be run over by a bus one day? See, we provide services to a bunch o’ school kiddies (adolescent types) as a part of their regular school day. School buses bring 'em and come back to get ‘em. Those drivers zoom in and out of our back parking lot. One of these days I’m goin’ to be crossing the parking lot between buildings and get smacked by a school bus. The local equivalent of **MBG** waits daily for that report, I just know it. **FCM** take heart. Maybe there’ll be ceramics classes at the home. 😛 I need a beerverage. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2006, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-go-help-in-the-night-my-first-mmp/383657/60 "2006-12-11T21:11:51Z")
Remember, **Senor Autobus Muchacho** , you can’t spell “slaughter” without “laughter”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-go-help-in-the-night-my-first-mmp/383657.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-go-help-in-the-night-my-first-mmp/383657.md?page=4)