[young hero watching old master get killed]
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…!!!”
[/young hero watching old master get killed]
The TV show Oz is just one relentless cycle of a character coming out of a depression, expressing hope for the future, then getting shanked in the laundry room.
The most sophisticated sensors and and imaging devices can be thwarted with mud.
I think it happened in Superman too.
Or doesn’t that count?
Or, if he shows his buddies pictures of his wife and baby. You know he’s not going to last for the next five minutes. Family pictures are a Guarantee of Death.
On another note, have you ever noticed that almost every car in the movies needs a break job? They almost invariably squeal when coming to a stop.
The 2 that bug me are primarily seen in chick flicks.
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The beautiful woman is also kind and unpretentious and we know this because in the first 5 minutes of the movie she passes by a homeless guy on the street and she’ll say something cute to him and call him by name (“How’s your love life, Harold!?”) and he’ll say something sassy back and call her sweetie. This woman can be a complete prat for the rest of the movie but you can’t question her character because she knows a homeless guy by name.
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In the same type of movie there will come a point when the heroine needs to “get down to work” in some way. It’s either some kind of self-improvement scheme or a research project that involves wearing a flattering ponytail and going to the library. There’s always a “getting down to work” montage usually with some kind of horrid motivational disco workout song by Diana Ross playing through the whole thing.
The cop, upon being ordered NOT to go after the bad guy (and threatened with suspension, etc.) escapes all responsibility by putting his badge on the chief’s desk before going out after the bad guy.
“Look here, chief… here’s my badge… I’m not a cop until I put it back on, so you have absolutely no authority over me. I’m going to go destroy half the city now in my personal vendetta against The Head Bad Guy.”
Jack Nicholson cringes after punching Michael Keaton in the stomach, while the latter was wearing his armored Batman suit.
[bump]
I’ve laughed to tears at this thread. Worth a bump for those who haven’t seen it.
First one - a bit of dialogue:
“I’m going in.”
“Are you insane!? - it’s too dangerous.”
“I don’t have any choice, dammit! I’ve got to rescue so-and-so (recover the whatchamacallit). Besides, they’ll never expect us to try to get into their headquarters.”
“Well, OK, but I’m coming with you…”
Number two: (If someone has mentioned this, I haven’t noticed it yet)
The blow to the head that knocks someone out, but has no permanent effect. Concussions can cause permanent damage - especially if the blow is hard enough to knock someone out. But if the hero needs to spring back into action, he just shakes his head to clear his vision and he’s fully recovered.
Two A: If someone isn’t evil to be slain with impunity, the hero can bop him on the head to efficiently and humanely get him out of the way.
Three: If someone is evil enough to deserve death, turning his head 90 degrees will snap his neck like a toothpick.
"A POLICE CAR! A WRECKED SHOPPING MALL!! OVER 50 COMPLAINTS!! YOU WRECKED HALF THE CITY WITH THAT CRAZY STUNT OF YOURS! DAMMIT!! I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR LOOSE CANNON TACTICS! THE MAYOR WANTS TO THROW YOUR ASS IN JAIL! NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT BEFORE I HAVE YOU HANDING OUT PARKING TICKETS!
“Hammerrrr!”
The fruit cart, hay wagon, semi truck that crosses in front of the chaser in a chase scene.
Fireball explosions.
How can 8 bad guys with full auto weapons manage to miss the hero at a range of 20 yards or less?
Willis Ducts. (re: Die Hard - duct work in ceilings large enough for the hero to crawl through in order to escape, overhear the evil plan, out flank the bad guys.
Auto chase scenes where the pursing car takes out the open door of a parked vehicle. (it used to always be a VW bus)
The scene where the hero goes into the armory he just happens to have handy to stock up on the weapons he’ll need.
The handsome blonde guy
The funny overweight friend
The corrupt police officer (unless he’s the police captain in a city in Morocco and it’s 1941)
Hero and heroine have a lot of sexual tension going but they haven’t got together yet. They go for a walk in the park or something, the guy is playing around and falls down like he’s hurt and doesn’t get up. Girl screams “Oh Jack” (or whatever) and runs to him, falls to her knees beside him. THEN he opens his eyes and grins and she melts into his arms.
They did it in Attack of the Clones for gossake.
The villian’s password will ALWAYS be something related to them or their plan. No villian will ever use something like “x6Lyj90Pw” for a password.
Bombs that aways have the timer in big red letters. Apparently no one every thought of making a bomb that doesn’t do this.
And on the subject of bombs, there’s always a scene where the hero is defusing a bomb, and he must either cut the red wire or the blue wire. He can’t figure out which to cut. I just want to scream “JUST CUT BOTH OF THEM!”
shit
Now I have to abort “OPERATION: x6Lyj90Pw”
My bombs are programmed to explode at 1:05
Or just blast it with a shotgun like they do in real life with those police robots.
Some new ones:
Girls who kick ass - On what planet can a 5’4" 110 lbs supermodel kick the crap out of a dozen 6’2" 220 lbs commandos in body armor?
Retired Special Forces/secret Agent guys who are “the best man for the job”. Look, if your training program can no longer produce operatives as competant as an emotionally crippled alchoholic who retired from service 4 years ago to become a cook/fireman/cabbie/angry wandering drifter, maybe you should take a good hard look at it.
I’d just like to say, for the record, that I’d be willing to pay good money to see a movie that featured a 6’2 229 lb. SUPERMODEL wearing body armor.
Yes it does.
Person A is outnumbered by baddies beating him/her up. At the last second Person B shows up, saves Person A by successfully beating up all the baddies. Then Person B turns to Person A and is expecting some sort of response, at the very least, a thank you. Person A glares at Person B and says, “I was doing just FINE! I didn’t need your help!”