# things that only work on tv **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 8, 2016, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-only-work-on-tv/767900 "2016-10-08T01:25:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2016, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-only-work-on-tv/767900/21 "2016-10-08T05:49:03Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > I have never been able to get my back tires to smoke like a chimney when I peel out. > > (I’ve heard pouring bleach on them will work; like I would actually do that.) Off topic: the police cars in the movie RoboCop were Ford Tauruses. I thought it was pretty cool how smoke came off the front tires when they peeled out. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2016, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-only-work-on-tv/767900/22 "2016-10-08T06:00:27Z")
The murder victim was found in a room that was locked from the inside! In real life it’s easy to lock a door and close it behind you as you leave, but apparently the mechanics of locks are vastly different on TV. ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2016, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-only-work-on-tv/767900/23 "2016-10-08T06:27:33Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Men being able to somehow maintain a perfectly groomed five o’clock shadow of stubble, 24/7. They never shave but it also never grows. If you pay attention, most leading men on TV have this characteristic. I think it’s supposed to be sexy. I maintain such a look easily, and cannot get rid of it. Light skin and dark hair makes it look like you have perma stubble 5 minutes after shaving. Joe Hamm is one TV example. He was shaved 3/4 times a day when shooting **Mad Men** and even then looks like he has a shadow half the time. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2016, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-only-work-on-tv/767900/24 "2016-10-08T08:20:51Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > The murder victim was found in a room that was locked from the inside! In real life it’s easy to lock a door and close it behind you as you leave, but apparently the mechanics of locks are vastly different on TV. The mechanics of locks did used to be very different, so when Philo Vance was confronted with a locked room body _with the key inside the room in the lock_ in the 1920s, it was a legitimate puzzle. When Mrs. Fletcher was confronted with the same thing in 1980s, it was a case of not doing the research. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2016, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-only-work-on-tv/767900/25 "2016-10-08T13:49:06Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > Exactly what I was referring to. > > **McGarrett:** According to Che, the safe was never opened. [**Pause**] Check to see who at the bank was ever in the military. > > **Williams:** A hunch, Steve? > > **McGarrett:** A hunch, Danno. > > **[Williams barges back into McGarrett’s office fifteen minutes later.]** > > **Williams:** You were right, Steve! Gil Kamehameha was trained as a safecracker in the Army! > > **McGarrett:** Yeah, Danno. Had to be, had to be! Wait, you can join the army to become a safecracker? Cool. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2016, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-only-work-on-tv/767900/26 "2016-10-08T14:40:18Z")
Being able to turn on the radio or TV to the exact news story you want. Being able to hack into any computer system you want to and change the information. How does Hardisson of Leverage do that? I guess the same way Spencer knocks people out with a single punch. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2016, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-only-work-on-tv/767900/27 "2016-10-08T15:08:28Z")
While we’re at that, knocking out people with a single hit to the head _ **and causing no major medical complicatio** _n. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2016, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-only-work-on-tv/767900/28 "2016-10-08T15:46:27Z")
> [@El\_Kabong](#): > > Wait, you can join the army to become a safecracker? Cool. On TV, sure. Why not? ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2016, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-only-work-on-tv/767900/29 "2016-10-08T16:23:00Z")
> [@JRDelirious](#): > > While we’re at that, knocking out people with a single hit to the head _ **and causing no major medical complicatio** _n. Not only that, after they knock the guy out, they take their sweet time doing whatever it is they need to do, as if the guy they knocked out is taking a 4 hour nap. When people get knocked out like that in real life, it usually doesn’t last for more than a few seconds. Also, car keys in the sun visor. Who the hell does that? ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2016, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-only-work-on-tv/767900/30 "2016-10-08T17:24:21Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Being able to turn on the radio or TV to the exact news story you want. > [@AncientHumanoid](#): > > Precision long range shots from a revolver. > > Photo enhancement of the gods. > > \*\* > The news you need is on the TV right now!\*\* Or on the scrap of newspaper sticking up out of the trash. Not like it’s an invisible post. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![drewder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/57b2e6/32.png) [@drewder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewder)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2016, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-only-work-on-tv/767900/31 "2016-10-08T20:33:35Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > The murder victim was found in a room that was locked from the inside! In real life it’s easy to lock a door and close it behind you as you leave, but apparently the mechanics of locks are vastly different on TV. There are certain locks that you can only lock from the inside like chains and some types of bars. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2016, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-only-work-on-tv/767900/32 "2016-10-08T20:45:50Z")
As far as huge billowing clouds of tire smoke, I saw quite a bit of that in my high school parking lot (back when muscle cars were still fairly abundant). There were several yellow speed bumps heavily decorated with rubber. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2016, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-only-work-on-tv/767900/33 "2016-10-08T22:59:32Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > Exactly what I was referring to. > > **McGarrett:** According to Che, the safe was never opened. [**Pause**] Check to see who at the bank was ever in the military. > > **Williams:** A hunch, Steve? > > **McGarrett:** A hunch, Danno. > > **[Williams barges back into McGarrett’s office fifteen minutes later.]** > > **Williams:** You were right, Steve! Gil Kamehameha was trained as a safecracker in the Army! > > **McGarrett:** Yeah, Danno. Had to be, had to be! This just happened last night on Hawaii 5 0– Two totally unrelated deaths. McGarrett: These two murders are related, I can feel it. Check the calibers! Other Guy: Hey, they’re both the same caliber. They _must_ be related! Me (totally regaining my disbelief): Bwha? ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2016, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-only-work-on-tv/767900/34 "2016-10-08T23:09:52Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > This just happened last night on Hawaii 5 0– > Two totally unrelated deaths. > McGarrett: These two murders are related, I can feel it. Check the calibers! > Other Guy: Hey, they’re both the same caliber. They _must_ be related! > > Me (totally regaining my disbelief): Bwha? Well, depending on your definition of “related,” that pretty much cinches it. ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2016, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-only-work-on-tv/767900/35 "2016-10-08T23:29:33Z")
Cell phones that produce a dial tone when the person on the other end disconnects. Actually, that’s one that I’d like to see. How hard would it be to make the phone produce a simple tone upon disconnection so you don’t keep talking to someone who isn’t there like an idiot? ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2016, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-only-work-on-tv/767900/36 "2016-10-09T00:47:02Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > Not only that, after they knock the guy out, they take their sweet time doing whatever it is they need to do, as if the guy they knocked out is taking a 4 hour nap. When people get knocked out like that in real life, it usually doesn’t last for more than a few seconds. In real life, someone who’s knocked out for more than a few minutes is unlikely to ever wake up again without medical intervention. Of course, in movies & TV, a knock to the head is a convenient on/off switch. Knock 'em out, and they’ll remain unconscious for as long as needed, and they just need smelling salts or a hose to the face to wake 'em up again. (The Chevy Chase movie _Funny Farm_ did a hilarious inversion of this trope – in the scene where a fisherman gets a hook stuck in his neck, Chevy [tries to knock him out TV-style](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=In2Iq98hmG8&t=24) but only manages to beat the living piss out of him.) ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2016, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-only-work-on-tv/767900/37 "2016-10-09T01:01:10Z")
> [@gaffa](#): > > Cell phones that produce a dial tone when the person on the other end disconnects. Actually, that’s one that I’d like to see. How hard would it be to make the phone produce a simple tone upon disconnection so you don’t keep talking to someone who isn’t there like an idiot? Jitterbug phones have a dial tone. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2016, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-only-work-on-tv/767900/38 "2016-10-09T01:58:34Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Men being able to somehow maintain a perfectly groomed five o’clock shadow of stubble, 24/7. They never shave but it also never grows. If you pay attention, most leading men on TV have this characteristic. I think it’s supposed to be sexy. Well, they make a special electric razor for this, so sure you can- assuming you have electricity. But not when you are lost in the desert or a castaway on a island… ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2016, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-only-work-on-tv/767900/39 "2016-10-09T02:04:57Z")
> [@RivkahChaya](#): > > Well, depending on your definition of “related,” that pretty much cinches it. Without a bullet you cant tell a .38 from a 9mm, just based on the hole. So, pretty much there are about half of all handguns commonly used. And a .45 hole is just like a .44 hole. Which blew my mind on _Hell On Wheels_ when some Pinkerton (?)was tracking down the protagonist based on his rather rare handgun- which of course was a black powder cap & ball, with the exact same ball as half the other black powder cap & balls revolvers in America.:rolleyes: Even with a recovered ball they wouldnt be able to tell which brand of black powder cap & ball revolvers it came from. ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2016, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-only-work-on-tv/767900/40 "2016-10-09T02:40:37Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > Jitterbug phones have a dial tone. OK, make me feel old. I just want it to make some sound to indicate that the call has been dropped. I have to keep talking until I expect a response and fail to get one, then call back and find out the last thing the person I was talking to heard. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-only-work-on-tv/767900.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-only-work-on-tv/767900.md?page=3)