# Things that will happen in CA if Arnold wins (joke) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 8, 2003, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736 "2003-08-08T02:22:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![SnoopyFan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d07c76/32.png) [@SnoopyFan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnoopyFan)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/1 "2003-08-08T02:22:48Z")
Let’s make a list, shall we? 😃 1. All Californians will be restricted to no more than 30 grams of fat per day and must consume 8 glasses of water. 2. New state motto: “Our governor can kick your governor’s ass!” 3. Gym memberships quadruple in the first 100 days of Arnold’s term. 4. Another new motto: “We may be bankrupt but at least our first lady is a hot piece of ass!” 5. California wineries ravaged due to frequent family reunions with Maria’s family. 6. Anyone who can bench press 300 pounds benefits from the “Pumped Up Tax Reduction Act” of 2004. Any more? ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/2 "2003-08-08T02:50:20Z")
John Burton can’t spend a week without something of his in a sling. ---
**Author:** ![non-native](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bc8723/32.png) [@non-native](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/non-native)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/3 "2003-08-08T04:48:49Z")
He will take great measures to protect John Connor and prevent SkyNet from ever gaining control. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/4 "2003-08-08T04:57:41Z")
Nah, just protect John Connor. ---
**Author:** ![Skeezix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@Skeezix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skeezix)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/5 "2003-08-08T05:18:41Z")
1. Linda Hamilton and Edward Furlong deported out of state for “possible subversive actions against state government.” 2. Massive cuts in state taxes for actors, directors, and film producers. 9a. All current plans for production of _Conan 3: King Conan_ dropped to avoid giving Arnold any ideas. 9b. As a direct result of yet another possible new state motto: What is best in life? To crush your enemies, drive them before you, and hear the lamentation of their women and children. ---
**Author:** ![dctaz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9c0ed/32.png) [@dctaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dctaz)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/6 "2003-08-08T05:45:36Z")
His re-election slogan will be “I’ll be back” ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/7 "2003-08-08T06:22:06Z")
Come December in the theatres, it’s all “Jingle All the Way,” all the time. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/8 "2003-08-08T15:36:20Z")
Signs over the southern border will be changed to, “Hasta la vista, baby!” Advice to the homeless: “Stay Hungry” ---
**Author:** ![Plankspanker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Plankspanker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plankspanker)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/9 "2003-08-08T15:39:16Z")
Cloning shall be outlawed, but males giving birth will become possible… ---
**Author:** ![SnoopyFan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d07c76/32.png) [@SnoopyFan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnoopyFan)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/10 "2003-08-08T18:18:19Z")
Danny DeVito will be the lieutenant governor … ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/11 "2003-08-08T18:30:03Z")
I _AM_ running for Governor! It’s not a rumor! ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/12 "2003-08-08T19:10:02Z")
Everyone will have to learn to speak English As A Second Language, even if English is their first language. Der Wienerschnitzel will cater all government functions. Streisand’s home will be confiscated and turned into the new Austrian Embassy. Streisand will spend the next several years in exile bunking with Celine Dion in Lake Las Vegas, Nevada. Slyvester Stallone will be elected Governor of Arizona and the great Hollywood War between the states will be started with a single Corona Beer bottle heaved across the river at Lake Havasu, and accidentally hitting an extra from the cast of Conan The Governorian. After a bloody 3 year war, Governor Winfrey of Illinois will be called in to settle the dispute. She will be joined by Senator Carrot Top and General Eastwood and declare Marshall Law - although Chief Justice Penny Marshall herself will refuse to sign the documents. ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/13 "2003-08-08T19:50:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DMark \* > \*\*Everyone will have to learn to speak English As A Second Language, even if English is their first language. > \*\* In California? Si senor. * * * All of the local police stations will have reinforced front entry ways with a sign stating, “Don’t come back”. ---
**Author:** ![Skeezix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@Skeezix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skeezix)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2003, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/14 "2003-08-09T04:12:31Z")
Okay, **NoClueBoy** just made a significant leap towards the top of my list\*. [sub]\*The list of “Dopers who make me laugh until I need to piss,” of course.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2003, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/15 "2003-08-09T05:32:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dctaz \* > His re-election slogan will be “I’ll be back” Almost. Up until the campaigning starts he’ll say “I’ll be back”. His actual campaign slogan will be “I’m back” after T3’s adaptation of it:) Now who are we going to get to go around being that lovely woman who kept being in a skintight red outfight—er, fighting him? _That_’s something worthy of a state budget deficit if I ever saw one. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2003, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/16 "2003-08-09T12:41:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Skeezix \* > \*_Okay, **NoClueBoy** just made a significant leap towards the top of my list_. > [sub]\*The list of “Dopers who make me laugh until I need to piss,” of course.[/sub] \*\* **DMark’s** at the top of _my_ “Dopers who make me laugh until I need to pee” list. That was really funny! ---
**Author:** ![Mooney252](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7c8e57/32.png) [@Mooney252](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mooney252)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2003, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/17 "2003-08-09T13:39:27Z")
State English exams will consist of one-liners. “Hercules in New York” will be remade as “Hercules in Sacramento.” Washed up actors everywhere run for political office, as Arnold discovers bonanza in campaign funds from the Schwarzenegger revival. Demands begin that he go back to being Arnold Strong because of potentially-offensive last name. Actually Arnold will probably just ban “Hercules in New York.” ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2003, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/18 "2003-08-09T17:16:11Z")
This may be the only time I’ve ever heard Maria Shriver described as a “hot piece of ass”. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2003, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/19 "2003-08-09T17:35:29Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Skeezix \* > Okay, **NoClueBoy** just made a significant leap towards the top of my list_. > [sub]\*The list of “Dopers who make me laugh until I need to piss,” of course.[/sub] Which is precisely why I don’t go to nudist camps anymore. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2003, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/20 "2003-08-09T17:53:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mooney252 \* > **Demands begin that he go back to being Arnold Strong because of potentially-offensive last name.** I was wondering how long it would be until someone noticed that. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736.md?page=2)