# Things that will happen in CA if Arnold wins (joke) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 8, 2003, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736 "2003-08-08T02:22:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![PatrickM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7feea3/32.png) [@PatrickM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickM)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2003, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/21 "2003-08-09T18:03:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DMark \* > \*\* > > \ > After a bloody 3 year war, Governor Winfrey of Illinois will be called in to settle the dispute. She will be joined by Senator Carrot Top and General Eastwood and declare Marshall Law - although Chief Justice Penny Marshall herself will refuse to sign the documents. \*\* General Eastwood! :smack: CLINT should run for governor! ---
**Author:** ![New\_Improved\_Scott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f17d59/32.png) [@New\_Improved\_Scott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/New_Improved_Scott)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2003, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/22 "2003-08-09T18:10:35Z")
-Convicted criminals may attempt to win their freedom and a gameshow, hosted by Richard Dawson. ---
**Author:** ![LookitMe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7bcc69/32.png) [@LookitMe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LookitMe)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2003, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/23 "2003-08-09T18:11:08Z")
After a death row inmate is executed, Arnold will say, “You’ve been erased.” ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2003, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/24 "2003-08-10T01:12:38Z")
After the impending failure of his MSNBC show, Jesse Ventura will head west to take a bit part in the Schwartzenegger administration. (true) The California media will become completely obsessed with the Kennedy connections. Most of America will continue to Not Care. ---
**Author:** ![Cardinal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardinal/32/4000_2.png) [@Cardinal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardinal)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2003, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/25 "2003-08-10T01:49:14Z")
> [@](#): > > Demands begin that he go back to being Arnold Strong because of potentially-offensive last name. My recollection of Arnold’s interview with Arsenio Hall years ago: Hall: So, what does Schwarzenegger mean? Schwarzenegger: Well, “schwarze” is “black” in German… Pause Crowd hoots. Hall gets “Hey, wait a minute!” look on his face. Schwartzenegger catches up to what everyone is thinking. Schwartzenegger: No! It’s “Schwarzen” - “black”, and “egger” is “farmer”. So you see, we might be related. (Post subject to ~12 years of forgetfulness.) ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2003, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/26 "2003-08-10T03:50:50Z")
All women named Sarah Conner will have to report to the governor’s mansion-and will never been seen again. ---
**Author:** ![Plankspanker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Plankspanker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plankspanker)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2003, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/27 "2003-08-10T13:13:49Z")
there will be mars colonies, and hopefully free air too 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![syncrolecyne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f08c70/32.png) [@syncrolecyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/syncrolecyne)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2003, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/28 "2003-08-10T15:19:27Z")
Governor will enter the capitol naked at the beginning of each state of the state address. Reporters will not be admitted to gubernatorial press conferences without a “spotter”. Governor will inadvertently trigger mild earthquakes doing lunges at his Sacramento mansion. Gray Davis will be declared “erased”. ---
**Author:** ![Plankspanker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Plankspanker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plankspanker)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2003, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/29 "2003-08-10T16:43:14Z")
‘i need your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle’ will become a legal way of robbing people. ---
**Author:** ![GKW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d9b06d/32.png) [@GKW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GKW)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2003, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/30 "2003-08-10T17:40:41Z")
Did anyone else read the title and wonder what that **Winkelried** guy was gonna win? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2003, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/31 "2003-08-10T17:48:44Z")
Everybody gets a free CAT scan to make sure that it’s “not a too-mah”. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5ac83/32.png) [@The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mad_Hermit)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2003, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/32 "2003-08-10T20:44:54Z")
Kevin Nealon and Dana Carvey will revive their _Hans and Franz_ characters for either a movie or as a series pilot. It will be canceled after three show(ing)s. Arnold will be exposed in a horrible scandal involving a female who played a bit part in one of his movies. It may be true, or not; the accusation will be enough to hurt him. Maria will get enough Q out of this to consider her own political career. ---
**Author:** ![widdershins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f0a364/32.png) [@widdershins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/widdershins)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2003, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/33 "2003-08-10T21:28:12Z")
Will sign legislation to make the opening day of any of his movies a state holiday. Attendence will be mandatory. Will tell each death row inmate asking for commutation of their sentence, “Don’t worry, I’ll kill you last.” Then procede as scheduled with their executions, explaining to the press, Rermember when I said I’d kill him last? I lied." All state owned vehicles will be replaced with Hummers. Any member of the media who attempts to expose his rumored womanizing will be arrested, beaten and nailed to The Tree Of Woe. All copies of _The Villain_ and the TV movie _The Jayne Mansfield Story_ will rounded up and destroyed. Anyone found in possession of said films after this time will be arrested, beaten, and nailed to Tom Arnold. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2003, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/34 "2003-08-10T21:47:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by widdershins \* > **All state owned vehicles will be replaced with Hummers.** So, all state officials will get hummers under the new regime? I find this new plan intriguing… > [@](#): > > \*\*All copies of _The Villain_ and the TV movie _The Jayne Mansfield Story_ will rounded up and destroyed. Anyone found in possession of said films after this time will be arrested, beaten, and nailed to Tom Arnold. \*\* As long as nobody gets nailed _by_ Tom Arnold. ---
**Author:** ![widdershins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f0a364/32.png) [@widdershins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/widdershins)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2003, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/35 "2003-08-11T05:50:18Z")
Somehow I knew those would be the two that got commented on… 😛 ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2003, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/36 "2003-08-11T07:28:02Z")
Arnold Schwartzenegger soundboxes are used for official government business. His first duty in office: to crush his enemies, see them driven before him, and to hear the lamentation of their women. ---
**Author:** ![sciguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e68b1a/32.png) [@sciguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sciguy)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2003, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/37 "2003-08-11T19:48:57Z")
Since “I’ll be back” as a re-election slogan has already been brought up, we need to come up with something to get him elected in the first place. I recommend “Vote for me if you want to live.” ---
**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2003, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/38 "2003-08-11T20:36:53Z")
_Planet Hollywood_ will be the offical caterer at all State functions. ---
**Author:** ![widdershins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f0a364/32.png) [@widdershins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/widdershins)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2003, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/39 "2003-08-11T23:17:32Z")
Potential re-election slogan: “Vote for me. I’m not a one ter-mer.” ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2003, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736/40 "2003-08-12T00:49:04Z")
This election won’t be a half-baked one, it’s gotta be a Total Recall [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-will-happen-in-ca-if-arnold-wins-joke/193736.md?page=1)