# Things to never say to a child **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 20, 2003, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-to-never-say-to-a-child/183058 "2003-06-20T01:44:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-to-never-say-to-a-child/183058/1 "2003-06-20T01:44:53Z")
I was at my grandmother’s home when somebody she knew stopped by. I barely remeber her, but I do remember her telling me while I was younger, “I’m going to take you home with me.” While I was in my younger and more naive years, I didn’t pay it much mind, but now I realize, that’s an awful things to say to a child. It’s a good thing I never paid attention to people, because I would have been terrified. Now that I think about it, another thing you shouldn’t say to a child is, after they lost at something is, “You did your best.” That’s bad because, since they lost, their best isn’t good enough. What other things, not that you look back at it, is something that you shouldn’t say to a child, but because they’re young, don’t pick up on it. ---
**Author:** ![SparrowHawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac8455/32.png) [@SparrowHawk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SparrowHawk)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-to-never-say-to-a-child/183058/2 "2003-06-20T01:57:57Z")
“You can be whatever you want to be.” No, you can’t. You can only be who you truly are. Your job is to find out who that is and be the best You you can be. I guess this has more to do with my philosophy of being than it does with possibly traumatizing young psyches, but I do think it’s a disservice to kids to tell them that. ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-to-never-say-to-a-child/183058/3 "2003-06-20T02:01:19Z")
I remember quite clearly as a small child asking my mother if I was pretty. And she _hesitated_ before answering! Which I took to mean that I was not, and she just didn’t want to say it. To this day I don’t know why she hesitated, or what her actual spoken response was. When my daughters eventually asked the same thing, I was ready with the quick answer that yes, they certainly were, but that it was not the most important thing about them. On the other hand, one time when I was driving with them, and they were being very naughty and quarrelsome, and it had been a long day and they were really on my last nerve, I threatened to stop the car RIGHT THERE and leave them out on the side of the road. Years later when my husband heard that story he was horrified that I would do such a cruel thing as to threaten them with abandonment. My older daughter remembered thinking that if I did, then she would certainly grab the bag of cookies that were in the grocery bag, first. The younger one said she just KNEW darn well that I would never do it, and that it was an empty threat. One more: We have all had the experience of wanting to say something and then forgetting at the last minute what it was. One of my friends said that when that happened to her, her mother would say either that it must not have been important. Or else that it was a lie, and the forgetting was God’s way of keeping her from telling it. She said it made her so mad because she knew it was neither a lie nor unimportant! ---
**Author:** ![Blonde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Blonde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blonde)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-to-never-say-to-a-child/183058/4 "2003-06-20T02:23:48Z")
“You run/hit like a girl.” My husband has said it to my 2 sons a couple of times – and boy howdy, did he pay dearly for it. Landed him cat-box scooping duties. ---
**Author:** ![Llama\_Llogophile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@Llama\_Llogophile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Llama_Llogophile)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-to-never-say-to-a-child/183058/5 "2003-06-20T02:51:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by RandMcnally \* > \*\*Now that I think about it, another thing you shouldn’t say to a child is, after they lost at something is, “You did your best.” That’s bad because, since they lost, their best isn’t good enough. > \*\* I disagree. No matter how good you are, there is almost always someone who is better. So it does become a matter of doing your best. If winning was the only reason to do something, many of us would have no hobbies. And these are kids we’re talking about here. How are they going to devlop the skills to eventually win when possible? Also, if they don’t learn to do their best at ALL times they will have fewer opportunities to win. ---
**Author:** ![Freiheit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e8c25b/32.png) [@Freiheit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freiheit)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-to-never-say-to-a-child/183058/6 "2003-06-20T03:05:50Z")
Interesting, but wrong, Gassendi. “YDYB” is just saying “You failed because you’re not good enough.” It’s a powerful phrase. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-to-never-say-to-a-child/183058/7 "2003-06-20T03:09:09Z")
“Mommy, Moomy, I don’t want to play ring around the rosy anymore!” “Shut up or I’ll nail your other foot to the floor!” “Mommy, Mommy, I don’t like the dog anymore!” “Shut up and finish what’s on your plate!” :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![CritcalMass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b77776/32.png) [@CritcalMass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CritcalMass)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-to-never-say-to-a-child/183058/8 "2003-06-20T03:15:13Z")
How about this Deep Thoughts classic: If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, “God is crying.” And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, “Probably because of something you did.” ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-to-never-say-to-a-child/183058/9 "2003-06-20T03:18:37Z")
**Freiheit** , do you have kids? Assuring kids that as long as they did their best, you are satisfied is NOT unkind. It’s necessary. Sorry, but it is. They are trying to meet YOUR expectations. “Mom, was that okay?” “nope, not good enough. What you tried your best? Better get better, kid.” Not poster mom of the year. Try a little compassion, jeez. Your encouragement means more than anything. Hopefully you’ll learn that. ---
**Author:** ![Blonde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Blonde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blonde)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-to-never-say-to-a-child/183058/10 "2003-06-20T03:27:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CritcalMass \* > \*\*How about this Deep Thoughts classic: > > If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, “God is crying.” And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, “Probably because of something you did.” \*\* I believe the OP was asking for legitimate responses. ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-to-never-say-to-a-child/183058/11 "2003-06-20T03:30:19Z")
Don’t say, “Boys don’t cry.” ---
**Author:** ![Mith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e36b37/32.png) [@Mith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mith)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-to-never-say-to-a-child/183058/12 "2003-06-20T03:31:47Z")
“you’re not shy” i was watching my mother with her neice’s 4 year old daughter. THe 4 yr old had been singing a song earlier and my mom wanted her to do it for the whole group of adults. She coward and said “but im too shy, i dont want to”. RIGHT AWAY my mother piped up, “don’t be silly, youre not shy, sing”. And yes, she is an outgoing girl normally, but she has EVERY right to be shy when she feels it. It just brought back a flood of terrible memories of my mom wanting me to ‘perform’ for visiters and adults. Adults have the right to refuse that kinda thing, but apparently kids ALWAYS have to ‘be on’. ---
**Author:** ![Blonde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Blonde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blonde)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-to-never-say-to-a-child/183058/13 "2003-06-20T03:33:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zoe \* > \*\*Don’t say, “Boys don’t cry.” \*\* Yet another one that landed my husband in the doghouse. Sigh. Don’t tell them “no” all the time. ---
**Author:** ![Lorenzo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4da419/32.png) [@Lorenzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lorenzo)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-to-never-say-to-a-child/183058/14 "2003-06-20T03:55:38Z")
“I love you but I don’t like you.” ---
**Author:** ![Lorenzo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4da419/32.png) [@Lorenzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lorenzo)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-to-never-say-to-a-child/183058/15 "2003-06-20T03:56:56Z")
“It seems like the good (insert child’s name) has gone away. I hope the good (insert child’s name) will come back soon.” ---
**Author:** ![Lorenzo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4da419/32.png) [@Lorenzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lorenzo)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-to-never-say-to-a-child/183058/16 "2003-06-20T03:58:28Z")
“I hope I outlive you and if I don’t that I will haunt you.” ---
**Author:** ![Blonde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Blonde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blonde)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-to-never-say-to-a-child/183058/17 "2003-06-20T04:12:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lorenzo \* > \*\*“It seems like the good (insert child’s name) has gone away. I hope the good (insert child’s name) will come back soon.” \*\* Here’s hoping (and assuming) you aren’t a parent. Once again: I don’t believe this was intended to be a jokester thread. I could be wrong – **RandMcnally** , clarify. And I’m off to bed. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-to-never-say-to-a-child/183058/18 "2003-06-20T04:14:19Z")
“Why can’t you be more like your brother/sister?” What, the rivalry thing needs to be fed? “I don’t have time for you right now.” ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-to-never-say-to-a-child/183058/19 "2003-06-20T04:16:47Z")
In all honesty, **Blond** , I don’t think **Lorenzo** was kidding. I have actually heard a parent say this. Sick and obnoxious as it is. “Hmmm…seems like there’s just ‘Bad Katy’ here right now. If ‘Good Katy’ comes back, she can have ice cream.” I wanted to slap the woman. ---
**Author:** ![lovelyluka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f475e1/32.png) [@lovelyluka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lovelyluka)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-to-never-say-to-a-child/183058/20 "2003-06-20T04:17:57Z")
My mother always used to tell me, “I love you, but other people don’t even have to _like_ you.” Way to make me paranoid, Mom. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-to-never-say-to-a-child/183058.md?page=2)