# Things We Can't Do Now that the Terror Threat is Back to Orange **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 20, 2003, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-cant-do-now-that-the-terror-threat-is-back-to-orange/176364 "2003-05-20T19:34:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-cant-do-now-that-the-terror-threat-is-back-to-orange/176364/21 "2003-05-20T21:35:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lsura \* > \*\*This from someone with _Orange_ Park, FL as their location? 😉 \*\* Dang!! I’m in the thick of it and didn’t even realize it! :eek: I wonder if it’s too late to move to Green Cove Springs? That’s where our county seat is - it would be funnier if you knew that it’s the next town south on Rt 17. ---
**Author:** ![Payton\_s\_Servant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3da27b/32.png) [@Payton\_s\_Servant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Payton_s_Servant)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-cant-do-now-that-the-terror-threat-is-back-to-orange/176364/22 "2003-05-20T23:16:07Z")
1. Have to go back to waving the American flag like mindless zealots and taking everything Shrub’s administration says as gospel truth. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-cant-do-now-that-the-terror-threat-is-back-to-orange/176364/23 "2003-05-20T23:41:26Z")
1. Cower in fear in front of the TV. Oh, wait, that’s because _American Idol_ is on again. 2. Stop at a checkpoint just outside the airport so that security types can determine whether you are, in fact, going to the airport. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-cant-do-now-that-the-terror-threat-is-back-to-orange/176364/24 "2003-05-20T23:42:47Z")
Uh, things we CAN do, obviously. Duh. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-cant-do-now-that-the-terror-threat-is-back-to-orange/176364/25 "2003-05-20T23:52:28Z")
1. We can’t masturbate any more. Uh, well, actually, we can, but we’re supposed to feel extra guilty about it. ---
**Author:** ![Reeder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Reeder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reeder)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-cant-do-now-that-the-terror-threat-is-back-to-orange/176364/26 "2003-05-20T23:56:57Z")
No foreign beer. Only Yuengling, nothing but Yuengling. That’s a great American name! ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-cant-do-now-that-the-terror-threat-is-back-to-orange/176364/27 "2003-05-21T01:40:15Z")
1. No more drawing moustaches and eyeglasses on President Bush with black marker. Now, must use orange marker. ---
**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-cant-do-now-that-the-terror-threat-is-back-to-orange/176364/28 "2003-05-21T06:58:24Z")
If you drink anything other than orange juice at breakfast, you’re un-American. Just don’t read the fine print on the carton/bottle/etc. telling you the OJ is made from domestic and imported orange juice concentrate. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-cant-do-now-that-the-terror-threat-is-back-to-orange/176364/29 "2003-05-21T07:04:59Z")
1. Increase procreation levels to prepare armed forces for possible terrorist invasion 18 years from now. ---
**Author:** ![Audrey\_Levins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Audrey\_Levins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Audrey_Levins)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-cant-do-now-that-the-terror-threat-is-back-to-orange/176364/30 "2003-05-21T07:50:01Z")
1. Leave those faded/tattered flags from the last terror alert on our cars/lawns/mailboxes/buildings, etc. _sigh_ Now we have to replace 'em with bright new patriotism again. Since it’s in season. 2. Turn off the “America” songs. Any song that doesn’t include a warm fuzzy feeling re: America and its glory should be banned. Country music will, for the first time, be considered uplifting, and not depressing. 3. Critique any American, past or present. All of us are eligible for sainthood, and any contrary opinion will be shot on sight. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-cant-do-now-that-the-terror-threat-is-back-to-orange/176364/31 "2003-05-21T12:42:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kat \* > \*\*14) No more drawing moustaches and eyeglasses on President Bush with black marker. Now, must use orange marker. \*\* I tried to do that once, but the Secret Service grabbed me before I could get close enough. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-cant-do-now-that-the-terror-threat-is-back-to-orange/176364/32 "2003-05-21T14:09:28Z")
19ish) Can’t get scurvy. Not with all the citrus we’d better be eating. 20ish) To avoid any confusion, when at the airport, don’t forget to announce loudly “I am not a terrorist! I do not have a bomb in my surprisingly heavy backpack! I voted for Mister George W. Bush, who is the president of this great country, the United States of America! I do not like Saddam Hussein!” 21ish) Can’t waste that plastic sheeting on building a huge Slip-And-Slide playground in the backyard. Sorry, kids. Kn(“Orange who?” “Orange you glad I didn’t say Banana Alert?!”)ckers ---
**Author:** ![modro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@modro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/modro)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-cant-do-now-that-the-terror-threat-is-back-to-orange/176364/33 "2003-05-21T14:19:30Z")
Due to the Orange Alert, Americans will need to make a few other accommodations. First off, anything The Shrub says, is automatically true. If Dubya comes on the air, to say that Rhode Island is harboring terrorists, and that we don’t need UN support to invade, well, he means it. And it is true. If he says he is wearing a red necktie, and your TV shows a blue one, well, your TV needs calibrated. Because it’s true. You must now also accept the fact that France=Bad. Again. ---
**Author:** ![TelcontarStorm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3ab097/32.png) [@TelcontarStorm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TelcontarStorm)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-cant-do-now-that-the-terror-threat-is-back-to-orange/176364/34 "2003-05-21T16:08:21Z")
1. Nothing different than when the alert was yellow (or is that Sunflower?) ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-cant-do-now-that-the-terror-threat-is-back-to-orange/176364/35 "2003-05-21T16:31:12Z")
Note to self: Can no longer pat my belly and exclaim “I feel like I’m about to explode” every time I leave the food court at the mall. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-cant-do-now-that-the-terror-threat-is-back-to-orange/176364/36 "2003-05-22T04:10:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by RTFirefly \* > I tried to do that once, but the Secret Service grabbed me before I could get close enough. :mad: This is why I choose invisibility every time the “Flight or Invisibility” discussion pops up in IMHO or MPSIMS. Hmmm…just over 11 hours. I thought someone would jump on that one a little sooner. ---
**Author:** ![Blackeyes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f6c823/32.png) [@Blackeyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackeyes)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-cant-do-now-that-the-terror-threat-is-back-to-orange/176364/37 "2003-05-23T00:05:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Audrey Levins \* > \*\* > 18. Critique any American, past or present. All of us are eligible for sainthood, and any contrary opinion will be shot on sight. \*\* 'Cept Clinton. He’s the commie ringleader of the terrorists and _every_ flag waving American must reflect on the many times he tried to destroy this Great Nation of Ours. ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-cant-do-now-that-the-terror-threat-is-back-to-orange/176364/38 "2003-05-23T00:17:13Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by modro \* > \*\* If Dubya comes on the air, to say that Rhode Island is harboring terrorists, and that we don’t need UN support to invade, well, he means it._\* I’ve always been a little suspicious of those Rhode Islanders, with their “island” and “plantations.” It ain’t, and they don’t have one, the lying sacks! Georgia has plantations. Besides, how can a place smaller than their state quarter have five freaking counties? Huh? I ask you. And we won’t even begin to discuss Brown. “Oooh, we’re Ivy.” Sure you are. Ivy is green, you dopes! I say go get 'em. ---
**Author:** ![beagledave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-cant-do-now-that-the-terror-threat-is-back-to-orange/176364/39 "2003-05-23T00:53:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lieu \* > \*\*Note to self: Can no longer pat my belly and exclaim “I feel like I’m about to explode” every time I leave the food court at the mall. \*\* I’m thinking “Damn…I gotta drop me a load” (said after a Taco Bell adventure) will have to be ixnayed as well… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-cant-do-now-that-the-terror-threat-is-back-to-orange/176364.md?page=1)