# Things we learned from the Twilight Zone **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 10, 2009, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-learned-from-the-twilight-zone/516969 "2009-11-10T00:16:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Frazzled](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frazzled/32/3368_2.png) [@Frazzled](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frazzled)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-learned-from-the-twilight-zone/516969/61 "2009-11-10T22:29:56Z")
If a person is willing to offer a large sum of money for me to keep quiet for a year, I will always demand that that person pay up front (at least to a trusted third party), no matter how much he protests. I won’t make any rash, life altering, decisions without cash in hand. ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2009, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-learned-from-the-twilight-zone/516969/62 "2009-11-11T03:48:27Z")
If Rod Serling suddenly strolls into the room and begins giving one of his smug, sanctimonious, boring summations, just toss his tape into the fireplace. That will get rid of him for a while. At least he isn’t as much of a pest as that disembodied voice on _The Outer Limits_. Nothing got rid of that guy. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2009, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-learned-from-the-twilight-zone/516969/63 "2009-11-11T04:11:24Z")
Do not go into space. Ever. You’ll discover that: You’re still on earth. You’re in some alien old lady’s attic. Your girlfriend will still be young when you return. You and your crew will be DOA. More than once. You’ll discover a race of tiny people . . . then giants. You never existed in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2009, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-learned-from-the-twilight-zone/516969/64 "2009-11-11T05:19:15Z")
If a genie offers you three wishes, tell him you’ll think about it then fob the magic lamp/jar/bottle off to someone you don’t like. If you’re going to build a Fallout Shelter, make sure it’s big enough to hold everyone on your street. The best way to deal with your control issues is not by sulking and hiding when the rescue ship leaves. People wandering past your house who won’t talk to you are probably dead ---
**Author:** ![goodie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@goodie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/goodie)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2009, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-learned-from-the-twilight-zone/516969/65 "2009-11-11T18:01:03Z")
If you find yourself in the Twilight Zone, I say give up. There is nothing you can do but try to accept the inevitable as best you can. And stay stoned ALL of the time. ---
**Author:** ![Bacon\_Salt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/65b543/32.png) [@Bacon\_Salt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bacon_Salt)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2009, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-learned-from-the-twilight-zone/516969/66 "2009-11-11T19:59:07Z")
You can’t take her with you. Look, she’s not even real! The present is maddeningly noisy. If you’re in a plane you either were just released from a mental institution or will soon be entering one. > [@KneadToKnow](#): > > Screw entropy. Long term, what really wins is irony. And if you’ve managed to dodge getting what’s coming to you, Dramatic Irony’s gonna come at you particularly hard. ---
**Author:** ![Meltdown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Meltdown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meltdown)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2009, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-learned-from-the-twilight-zone/516969/67 "2009-11-11T20:17:59Z")
In case of alien abduction, always carry a harmonica. Don’t ever ask to be really big, especially if you’re a jockey. ---
**Author:** ![Zjestika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/8edcca/32.png) [@Zjestika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zjestika)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2009, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-learned-from-the-twilight-zone/516969/68 "2009-11-11T20:32:30Z")
How the name “Jiménez” is pronounced. ---
**Author:** ![BestWifeEver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/838e76/32.png) [@BestWifeEver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BestWifeEver)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2009, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-learned-from-the-twilight-zone/516969/69 "2009-11-11T21:15:58Z")
If you’re a WASP who can’t stand your spouse and have a habit of ignoring your darling kids…don’t have a pool in the backyard. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2009, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-learned-from-the-twilight-zone/516969/70 "2009-11-11T21:21:45Z")
Threadspotted. I knew it! Wait… An unsuspecting Doper. An ordinary day. Suddenly, she receives the gift of premonition. Will she use her powers for good or evil? There is always a price… in the Twilight Zone. Keep the suggestions coming. I may need them. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2009, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-learned-from-the-twilight-zone/516969/71 "2009-11-11T21:24:59Z")
Any planet you are heading to that has not been named in the first twenty minutes is going to be Earth. Face it, you are either an alien, or, if your name is Adam (or Eve), the founder of the human race on earth. The best baseball players are made not born. Tiny aliens attacking you are the friendly humans you are the evil alien giant. If one of your three man space crew starts getting delusions of godhood or takes off for long periods of time and not partaking in your limited rations… just leave him… it ain’t worth the fight… and he’ll get his in the end. ---
**Author:** ![ajdebosco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecd19e/32.png) [@ajdebosco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ajdebosco)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2009, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-learned-from-the-twilight-zone/516969/72 "2009-11-11T21:25:43Z")
> [@KneadToKnow](#): > > Screw entropy. Long term, what really wins is irony. :eek: Just started reading this thread, and KTK, by jove, I believe that is the best lesson I’ve heard in weeks. Good show! ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2009, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-learned-from-the-twilight-zone/516969/73 "2009-11-11T21:27:46Z")
If you find mannequins freaky, there is a darn good reason for that. ---
**Author:** ![Barracuda3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7feea3/32.png) [@Barracuda3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barracuda3)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2009, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-learned-from-the-twilight-zone/516969/74 "2009-11-11T21:50:55Z")
If you’ve been stranded on some desert planet for a really long time waiting for a spaceship to rescue you, and the spaceship comes to rescue you, GET ON THE SPACESHIP!!! ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2009, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-learned-from-the-twilight-zone/516969/75 "2009-11-11T22:00:51Z")
Don’t hook up with emo vampires. Wait, sorry, wrong Twilight. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2009, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-learned-from-the-twilight-zone/516969/76 "2009-11-11T22:16:02Z")
> [@The New and Improved Superman](#): > > Nobody ever claimed this was Heaven, sir. My dear man…THIS IS THE OTHER PLACE! A HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Thats the first thing you’ll hear from the HR cat on your first real day on any job as well. Just an FYI. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2009, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-learned-from-the-twilight-zone/516969/77 "2009-11-11T22:20:07Z")
Cookbooks aren’t about chicken. They’re about _you_. ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2009, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-learned-from-the-twilight-zone/516969/78 "2009-11-11T22:33:31Z")
If you fall through a [crack in time](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Matter_of_Minutes) don’t give in. If you can keep from getting captures, you can make it back to your own time. Children’s books are invaluable if you suddenly [lose the ability to communicate properly](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wordplay_%28The_Twilight_Zone%29) [Be nice to your kids](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Children%27s_Zoo_%28The_Twilight_Zone%29) Adrienne Barbeau is a [bad ass](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teacher%27s_Aide_%28The_New_Twilight_Zone%29) And, ironically, if there’s a vampire around then it may turn out that you’re the [monster](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monsters!) ---
**Author:** ![ajdebosco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecd19e/32.png) [@ajdebosco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ajdebosco)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2009, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-learned-from-the-twilight-zone/516969/79 "2009-11-12T15:27:18Z")
Unless you are a renowned make-up artist, like the late William Tuttle, beauty is **indeed** in the eye of the beholder. :dubious: Just ask Ellie Mae ---
**Author:** ![Promethea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Promethea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Promethea)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2009, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-learned-from-the-twilight-zone/516969/80 "2009-11-12T18:04:50Z")
If you’re flying a spaceship and see a flash of light on a supposedly unidentified planet… pretend you haven’t spotted it and just press on. Animated dolls are ultra bad news unless they live in their own ultra posh dollhouse. In which case, they are poignant and charming. If someone comes to you raving about an ultra crazy story, about for example being stalked by their doppelgänger, not to marry your charming cad of a boyfriend or how no-one remembers his friend existing, just believe him or her instantly and fully no matter how unlikely it seems. Because if you react with scepticsm, you’ll eventually share their horrible fate. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-learned-from-the-twilight-zone/516969.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-we-learned-from-the-twilight-zone/516969.md?page=5)