# Things women do to make themselves attractive to men that don't make them attractive to men **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 27, 2012, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-women-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-men-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-men/635987 "2012-09-27T10:52:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Gedd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gedd/32/4938_2.png) [@Gedd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gedd)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2012, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-women-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-men-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-men/635987/101 "2012-10-01T15:33:15Z")
In some cases, dieting. There is a difference between “I’m dieting to be healthier” and “I’m dieting to be more attractive.” The first usually includes eating less and some exercise, the seconds sometimes includes not eating and/or vomiting. The second is also not attractive. I like girls who have some . . . weight? Not fat, but I like big breasts, big hips, and curves. You don’t find that on girls who are a size 4. Dieting to get to a healthy BMI, sure. Dieting to look like Jack Skellington, no. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2012, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-women-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-men-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-men/635987/102 "2012-10-01T15:54:12Z")
+1 . Mmmmmmm. Big girls. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2012, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-women-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-men-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-men/635987/103 "2012-10-01T16:06:16Z")
Tattoos and piercings. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2012, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-women-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-men-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-men/635987/104 "2012-10-01T18:37:02Z")
> [@salinqmind](#): > > I worked in an office with a short, stout girl who wore absurd 4" or higher heels (often with gaudy hardware, in bright colors, not just a neutral plain pump!) every day with her frumpy office clothes. (Sensible white button down shirt with a khaki gabardine skirt, or dull polyester office-wear separates.) She looked just plain stupid tottering around in those stupid shoes. And to make matters worse, she had little teeny feet that she crammed into the kind of shoe that made her look like she had HOOVES at the bottom of her cankles. Maybe she felt sexy and glamorous, or taller, but those shoes were downright unfortunate. I’ll be in my bunk. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2012, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-women-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-men-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-men/635987/105 "2012-10-01T19:41:47Z")
Fake tans, habitual tanning Short hair (it can look good on some women) Hairspray/hair gel Out of proportion fake breasts Foundation/too much makeup Eyebrow shenanigans Tattoos Too many piercings Yeah I’m picky. ---
**Author:** ![Gedd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gedd/32/4938_2.png) [@Gedd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gedd)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2012, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-women-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-men-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-men/635987/106 "2012-10-01T20:40:51Z")
> [@control-z](#): > > Fake tans, habitual tanning > Short hair (it can look good on some women) > Hairspray/hair gel > Out of proportion fake breasts > Foundation/too much makeup > Eyebrow shenanigans > Tattoos > Too many piercings > > Yeah I’m picky. Hey, everyone’s allowed to be picky; just as long as they don’t complain when they can’t find a date. ---
**Author:** ![Ostrya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/35a633/32.png) [@Ostrya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ostrya)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2012, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-women-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-men-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-men/635987/107 "2012-10-01T20:47:14Z")
Yeah, there’s another one **control-z** reminded me of, Habitual Tanning. These poor bimbos either don’t have a clue; or don’t seem to care when they become older their skin will be looking like a leather mail pouch. And once their skin gets that way, all dried out and pruney, there isn’t a whole lot they can do about it. I know a lady like that - now in her 40’s but still religiously “laying out” at the local beach - apparently oblivious to the toll Sol has taken already. Looking quite a bit worse for wear, she still cannot seem resist the horrifying ritual of basking in her own juices. ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2012, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-women-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-men-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-men/635987/108 "2012-10-01T21:13:36Z")
> [@corkboard](#): > > It seems that many women choose to put their hair up in a tight bun or some sort of up-do whenever they dress up for a wedding or a formal occasion. I’ve never understood this. I can see if you want to put your hair up if you’re going to be doing some sort of physical labor- working in the garden, or painting a room, or going to the beach. But as a glamorous look? It just doesn’t work. A woman with hair long enough to be put up will always look better if the hair is down and nicely styled. Do any men prefer up-dos? I think they look horrible and never understood them as well. And a lot of women do this on their wedding day?? Or prom? Can anyone post pics of a celebrity who looks better in their up-do than with their hair down? Ladies. If you want beautiful wedding pictures, please, wear your hair down. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2012, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-women-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-men-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-men/635987/109 "2012-10-01T23:03:18Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > Do I have to drag out my bageldog penis link again? Do I? > [@the lone cashew](#): > > Those were not bagels being tossed onto the erect penis. They were donuts. > [@Cartooniverse](#): > > Yes. I guess I DO have to drag it out again. Here it is, for those who missed it the first time around, and also for those who have fond memories of it: [My patient's bizarre penis - Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share - Straight Dope Message Board](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=273825) . ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2012, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-women-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-men-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-men/635987/110 "2012-10-02T00:30:44Z")
> [@Hampshire](#): > > Do any men prefer up-dos? I think they look horrible and never understood them as well. And a lot of women do this on their wedding day?? Or prom? > Can anyone post pics of a celebrity who looks better in their up-do than with their hair down? > Ladies. If you want beautiful wedding pictures, please, wear your hair down. FYI: Women like updo’s and short hair because it accents their _face_. When you think of your own beauty, you are probably most interested in what makes you beautiful as an individual. Women generally feel beautiful and confident when their personality and emotional expressiveness are first and foremost. They feel beautiful when their eyes and smiles are the first thing that you see. This is especially true on things like weddings, when you are going to look in the mirror, see all the joy and radiance in your face, and feel like you look amazing. In other words, women don’t feel at their best when they are “attractive women,” they feel most attractive when they are “attractive Sue” or “attractive Jane” or “Attractive Tasha.” Having as much of your face visible as you can, perhaps delicately framed by some side-curls or bangs, is the best way to ge this. Men, on the other hand, are likely to look at the opposite sex and feel they are attractive if they hit the “attractive women” meter. Long hair is a symbol of sexuality. It’s tied up in ideas of youth, historic visions of beauty, fertility, status, etc. But primarily, it’s a fairly generic symbol for “sexy lady.” It’s a fetish. As long as your hair isn’t too gnarly, it’s pretty much just a matter of having that symbol there. So men see a woman with long hair and think “Ah, okay, she is sexy,” while women look at themselves with long hair and think “Man, you can barely see my face and I’ve got spit ends like whoa.” They don’t really get off on the whole symbolic value, and they mostly don’t get much of a thrill from hitting the markers for “sexy woman.” They want to look in their mirror and see their faces, not a fetishistic symbol. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2012, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-women-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-men-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-men/635987/111 "2012-10-02T01:22:47Z")
> [@BottledBlondJeanie](#): > > Yes, duck lips are ridiculous. But that’s just one end of the spectrum. Many women have had lip injections and you’d never guess it, and the difference is very attractive. I always had thin lips, now I get injections once a year and no one can tell unless I tell them. As with any type of plastic surgery or fillers, if you can tell it’s been done, you’re doing it wrong. Well said. The word of the day is subtle. What always makes me laugh is when I see men online (the men I know IRL don’t seem to be fans) drooooling over Christiana Hendricks. She is the poster girl of way too much IMHO yet she has fans on this board in abundance. She has too much botox, she is the Restylane queen (helloooo excess around the mouth), the overly dyed Ronald McDonald orange hair, cinched into corsets within an inch of her life, and it seems her makeup is done with PT Barnum & Bailey in mind. Yet so many men who praise her also like to tell us all how they like that “natural” look for their women. Good stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2012, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-women-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-men-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-men/635987/112 "2012-10-02T01:24:40Z")
> [@Hampshire](#): > > Do any men prefer up-dos? I think they look horrible and never understood them as well. And a lot of women do this on their wedding day?? Or prom? > Can anyone post pics of a celebrity who looks better in their up-do than with their hair down? > Ladies. If you want beautiful wedding pictures, please, wear your hair down. I don’t think it works for a lot of women, but certainly can for some. Audrey Hepburn comes to mind, who looked stunning with her hair up. I’m not certain I’ve ever even seen her with her hair looking at all “natural”. If only there were more of her walking around… ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2012, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-women-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-men-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-men/635987/113 "2012-10-02T01:42:08Z")
I honestly don’t do anything to be seen as more sexually attractive to ‘men’ as a monolithic group. I am sexually repulsed by most of them, after all, and tend to try to avoid attracting their attention. Women are much better looking and better dressed on average, I care much more what they think of me… but mostly, I care about what I feel like doing. I am particular about my own appearance and most of the effort I put into it is entirely for my own pleasure. I will accommodate my boyfriend’s desires re: my appearance… sometimes. Only because it’s fun for me. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2012, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-women-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-men-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-men/635987/114 "2012-10-02T01:49:41Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > Well said. The word of the day is subtle. > > What always makes me laugh is when I see men online (the men I know IRL don’t seem to be fans) drooooling over Christiana Hendricks. She is the poster girl of way too much IMHO yet she has fans on this board in abundance. She has too much botox, she is the Restylane queen (helloooo excess around the mouth), the overly dyed Ronald McDonald orange hair, cinched into corsets within an inch of her life, and it seems her makeup is done with PT Barnum & Bailey in mind. Yet so many men who praise her also like to tell us all how they like that “natural” look for their women. Good stuff. Google Cristina Hendricks Playboy. It appears the jugs have been enhanced as well. ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2012, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-women-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-men-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-men/635987/115 "2012-10-02T01:50:54Z")
> [@rhubarbarin](#): > > I am particular about my own appearance and most of the effort I put into it is entirely for my own pleasure. How is that pleasure derived? Do you get as much pleasure from the way you look when no one is around to see you? ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2012, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-women-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-men-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-men/635987/116 "2012-10-02T01:58:57Z")
> [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > How is that pleasure derived? > > Do you get as much pleasure from the way you look when no one is around to see you? She sees herself and feels good about how she looks. I guess I’m confused why that’s such a hard concept. I saw you questioning another woman on this earlier and I really don’t understand where your confusion comes from. Forgive me for asking, but is this another of your “Nerd walks into a bar” kind of things were you sort of exaggerate that you don’t understand simple human emotions/interactions or do you really not get that people sometimes really do enjoy things you do not? Lots of women enjoy pampering themselves FOR themselves. Haircuts/color/styling, makeup, pretty clothes and accessories, manicures and pedicures.. so many things bring SOME women enjoyment. Not all, but some women. I’m baffled that this is a difficult concept to grasp or accept. Is it really not understanding or is it a “GOTCHA!” kind of thing as in “A-ha! I knew you were doing it for men all along!” because I’m not sure where the disconnect is. > [@rhubarbarin](#): > > I honestly don’t do anything to be seen as more sexually attractive to ‘men’ as a monolithic group. I am sexually repulsed by most of them, after all, and tend to try to avoid attracting their attention. I love how blunt and honestly you said this. Some men (not all, so slow your roll everybody) really do think that we’re all out there just looking for their attention. ---
**Author:** ![Spoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2012, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-women-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-men-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-men/635987/117 "2012-10-02T02:00:47Z")
I hate the ultra-thin eyebrows. A little landscaping is OK (unibrow avoidance is good) but don’t overdo it ladies. [“A” looks better than “B” in this picture](http://www.beautystylewatch.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/eyebrows.jpg). ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2012, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-women-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-men-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-men/635987/118 "2012-10-02T02:10:59Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > Google Cristina Hendricks Playboy. It appears the jugs have been enhanced as well. I know people say that, but I think the jugs have been enhanced by the 70 pounds or so she’s gained since her earlier years. I’ve seen some paparazzi shots of her where she’s not in her corsets and bathing suit shots and gravity wins (as it usually does) which makes me think they’re probably real. ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2012, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-women-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-men-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-men/635987/119 "2012-10-02T02:19:04Z")
Butterflies, I do understand that there are things others enjoy which I do not. The fact that different people enjoy different things is quite fine. I do not think women are all out there looking for men’s attention. My question comes from Princhester’s comment upthread which I find quite enlightening. I find the division between doing things for oneself and doing things for others to lack precision. If someone insists that they do something for themselves, it’s a fair question to ask if the presence of others increases the willingness to do it. Note how Rhub was more nuanced than Dogzilla. Rhub said “mostly, I care about what I feel like doing” and “most of the effort I put into it is entirely for my own pleasure”. Note the “most” and “mostly” which is more nuanced than saying one doesn’t give a damn. In the same breath Dogzilla says she doesn’t give a damn what her date thinks of the way she looks and then says she modifies the way she looks at the request of her date. Dogzilla and Rhub should not be put in the same category. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2012, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-women-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-men-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-men/635987/120 "2012-10-02T04:26:31Z")
There is no contradiction in motivation between doing something that alters your appearance: (a) for your own enjoyment: (b) because it makes you more attractive to others. One thing could - and I suspect often does - lead to the other. It’s the common statement of (a) as if it _necessarily contradicts_ (b) that I find dubious. Further I find it very hard to believe that these dual motivations are merely co-incident and not causative for certain particular alterations of appearance, which alterations seem to : © occur overwhelmingly when people are going to be seen by others rather than when alone (as I said above); and (d) make them more attractive to substantial proportions of the opposite sex. People can do an essentially infinite number of things to alter their appearance. Two examples of very common things women do to alter their appearance are wear high heels and wear eye makeup. Those two things also make them more attractive to men. The suggestion that this is completly co-incidental is laughable, frankly. Bear in mind that this thread isn’t about _anything_ that women could do to alter their appearance. Sure, women presumably do stuff that alters their appearance that they truly and entirely do just because they like the way that makes them look to themselves or other women. That doesn’t mean they don’t do some things that make them look better to men, \*because \*those things make them look better to men. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-women-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-men-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-men/635987.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-women-do-to-make-themselves-attractive-to-men-that-dont-make-them-attractive-to-men/635987.md?page=7)