# Things you are dying to say, but just can't **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 13, 2012, 9:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-are-dying-to-say-but-just-cant/615630 "2012-03-13T09:25:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2012, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-are-dying-to-say-but-just-cant/615630/101 "2012-03-19T18:31:53Z")
You piss my wife off. Stop making everything about yourself. Visit us more. Watch the example my in laws set. And stop playing the victim! ---
**Author:** ![Jasper\_Kent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a9a28c/32.png) [@Jasper\_Kent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasper_Kent)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2012, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-are-dying-to-say-but-just-cant/615630/102 "2012-03-20T00:55:42Z")
Years ago I was on the wrong end of the law and dealing with a stereotypical Southern asshole of a cop, and noticed he had one of those cute little gold pig tie tacks. As I was looking at it, he said “Yeah, it’s a pig. PIG stands for Pride, Integrity, and Guts.” I _ **really** _ wanted to say “Are you sure it’s not Prejudiced, Ignorant, and Gun-crazed?” But fortunately I was coherent enough to NOT say that. ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2012, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-are-dying-to-say-but-just-cant/615630/103 "2012-03-20T02:16:40Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > If you can’t hear your cellphone in your handbag, and you can’t find it without overturning the damn thing, maybe you should try shoving it in your pants pocket. Or up your ass, it might be about as useful. And that’s why I hate pants that don’t have pockets. In addition Dear cube neighbor: If you ever leave your phone, with the ringtone on, in your locked cupboard while you attend a 3-hour meeting I will be forced to poison all your houseplants as repayment. Maybe I should just poison them anyway; they’ve got bugs. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2012, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-are-dying-to-say-but-just-cant/615630/104 "2012-03-21T21:24:12Z")
Stop trying your damnedest to cram the bulkiest items into the smallest bag. Look at how many bags I brought, and then don’t be afraid to use them all. Yeah, it’s weak, I know. I might have something better later on. ---
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2012, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-are-dying-to-say-but-just-cant/615630/105 "2012-03-21T21:26:50Z")
Stop being disingenuous and pretending you don’t understand the common English meaning of the words I am using. You’re not cute or impressive, you’re an annoying little maggot. (no, this is not directed toward a student). ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-are-dying-to-say-but-just-cant/615630/106 "2012-03-22T17:45:27Z")
To the student who told me (when we were in college) that the Berlin Wall was built to keep out all the people who knew how good life was in East Berlin under communism: (When the Berlin Wall fell) “Hey, which way are the people going?” ---
**Author:** ![Avarie537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/48db29/32.png) [@Avarie537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avarie537)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-are-dying-to-say-but-just-cant/615630/107 "2012-03-22T23:59:54Z")
Coworker o’mine, just because I said I wished I’d bought the roasted/salted almonds instead of the plain/natural ones doesn’t mean I gave you permission to eat them! ---
**Author:** ![living\_in\_hell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3d9bf3/32.png) [@living\_in\_hell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/living_in_hell)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-are-dying-to-say-but-just-cant/615630/108 "2012-03-23T00:06:43Z")
J\*\*\*\* C\*\*\*\*\*\* will you just shut the fuck up already?! Seriously. You’re stupid. Shut up. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Tyger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@Silver\_Tyger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Tyger)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-are-dying-to-say-but-just-cant/615630/109 "2012-03-23T20:11:22Z")
I’m typing up a long, boring document for my boss that keeps containing the same phrases. I keep being tempted to change the end of one of those phrases. “x shall do y in accordance _to prophecy_” ---
**Author:** ![Chipacabra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@Chipacabra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chipacabra)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-are-dying-to-say-but-just-cant/615630/110 "2012-03-23T21:08:04Z")
In accordance with the new prophecy, please do not cook popcorn in the break room microwave. ---
**Author:** ![MareIt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ea666f/32.png) [@MareIt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MareIt)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2012, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-are-dying-to-say-but-just-cant/615630/111 "2012-03-24T03:06:33Z")
Yes I saved your hide and possibly your job. No I do not want you take me to lunch as a thank you. I can’t stand to talk to you for 30 seconds of office chitchat, I definitely will not be able to survive 30 minutes of lunch. Just drop a bottle of wine, or vodka, on my desk and call it a day. Or better yet, stop being a lazy lying fuckface ---
**Author:** ![StrawberryDaquiri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90ced4/32.png) [@StrawberryDaquiri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StrawberryDaquiri)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2012, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-are-dying-to-say-but-just-cant/615630/112 "2012-03-24T16:45:16Z")
Mom, you are a two faced bitch and you always show me the wrong face. I know you think I am a disappointment. I hope you know you were never there for me when I needed you, you wait for me to fuck up and cherish when I do because it shows you how “right” you were. Fuck you for never being yourself, fuck you for all the warnings I never got. I have spent my life trying to believe you really care, but your damn transparency can be too much. Btw, brother doesn’t have allergies, he is bulimiac. You know it, I know it, the whole family knows it, but you still can’t bring yourself to admit it. Help him. Don’t stand there and pretend he’s not struggling, like you did when I was struggling. ---
**Author:** ![2gigch1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/2gigch1/32/3313_2.png) [@2gigch1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2gigch1)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2012, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-are-dying-to-say-but-just-cant/615630/113 "2012-03-24T18:05:27Z")
> [@Silver\_Tyger](#): > > If I met the people I probably would actually say this. Probably. > > You people who have had signs up since before Christmas about your missing dog, and have a big sign on a horse trailer by the side of the road, and are paying people to hold signs at at least one major intersection? Your dog is dead. It’s a freaking chihuahua. And it is dead. If coyotes or raccoons or an angry squirrel didn’t kill it, it got hit by a car. Why don’t you just give me the $5000 reward since apparently I’m better at figuring out what to do with money than you are? I’m sure your sign wavers will be disappointed to lose a very easy job, but for fuck’s sake, your dog is DEAD. Side note to this - in a neighborhood I lived in a few years ago a bunch of signs went up looking for a dachshund that had gone missing. A few days later the owner went around and replaced the signs with ‘Found safe & sound thanks for looking’ signs. My wife & I went straight out and bought her a celebration present for her and her dog in appreciation for that class act. ---
**Author:** ![2gigch1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/2gigch1/32/3313_2.png) [@2gigch1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2gigch1)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2012, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-are-dying-to-say-but-just-cant/615630/114 "2012-03-24T18:25:00Z")
As to work: No, I will not put you on tv. I’m not impressed that you are working franticly. It just shows me you don’t know how to work efficiently. How long have you been doing this? Yes my job is very interesting, but I wasn’t lucky to get it. I worked damn hard to be here. As to people in general: If you want to be respected you must first respect others. Child repeat after me: “Do you want fries with that?” That’s where you are headed if you don’t straighten up. You aren’t nearly as important as you think you are. As to driving: GO MOTHERFUCKERS! THAT LIGHT WONT STAY GREEN LONG! To my soon to be ex: You should come with a warning label. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2012, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-are-dying-to-say-but-just-cant/615630/115 "2012-03-24T22:55:26Z")
Excuse me. Tenure is bullshit. No one anywhere deserves job security. It is outmoded, outdated and utter bullshit. ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2012, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-are-dying-to-say-but-just-cant/615630/116 "2012-03-25T06:05:07Z")
> [@2gigch1](#): > > As to work: > > No, I will not put you on tv. > I’m not impressed that you are working franticly. It just shows me you don’t know how to work efficiently. > How long have you been doing this? > Yes my job is very interesting, but I wasn’t lucky to get it. I worked damn hard to be here. > > As to people in general: > > If you want to be respected you must first respect others. > Child repeat after me: “Do you want fries with that?” That’s where you are headed if you don’t straighten up. > You aren’t nearly as important as you think you are. > > As to driving: > > GO MOTHERFUCKERS! THAT LIGHT WONT STAY GREEN LONG! > > To my soon to be ex: > > You should come with a warning label. We call it “'Mon, back.” Because the guys hanging off the back of the garbarge truck yell, “'Come on back!” ---
**Author:** ![GrizzRich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ba0ec/32.png) [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-are-dying-to-say-but-just-cant/615630/117 "2012-03-26T03:55:07Z")
“REALLY?!” …to be spoken with GREAT surprise and relief when a person asks for my professional advice, then proceeds to go to great lengths to find a different answer because the one I gave isn’t the one they want to hear. Then, after making several other inquisitions of the same topic and “looking it up on the internet”, returns to me to exclaim … “_You know what?.. you were RIGHT_!” actually, I HAVE said that exact thing under those exact circumstances… and it NEVER gets old! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dc4da7/32.png) [@The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Man_With_The_Golden_Gun)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-are-dying-to-say-but-just-cant/615630/118 "2012-03-26T05:16:28Z")
The reason I babble so much about how I hate my life and want to kill myself isn’t because I’m an attention whore or that it’s some kind of stupid cry for help. It’s because I just don’t want the end to come as a surprise to anyone. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Knig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@Typo\_Knig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Knig)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-are-dying-to-say-but-just-cant/615630/119 "2012-03-26T11:25:17Z")
> [@The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](#): > > The reason I babble so much about how I hate my life and want to kill myself isn’t because I’m an attention whore or that it’s some kind of stupid cry for help. > > It’s because I just don’t want the end to come as a surprise to anyone. As a depressive person myself, and a survivor of others’ suicides, please find a good shrink as soon as possible. Yes life can suck - a lot sometimes - but with help I’ve learned to deal with that, and my daily life is better for it. The times I have now I enjoy, which beats the hell out of hating every moment. There is enough sadness in the world, **The Man With The Golden Gun** , please keep the sadness down by staying in the world. We’re better with you than without. You can be better here than not. It’s tough, but worth it! ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-are-dying-to-say-but-just-cant/615630/120 "2012-03-26T13:48:17Z")
Yes, you are a nice guy. Yes, you mean well. Your kid & my kid get along well. But putting your kids wet gear on a cabin wood burning stove before going to bed (and after the adults have gone to bed) to try to dry it? _Are. You. Out. Of. Your. Mind…!?_ Yes, I woke up in time to catch it, but the cabin was already filled with smoke. Dude, I’m still coughing. The smoke was fully from the roof down to 2 feet above the floor as it was pouring out of the open door by the time we got all the kids out, the windows open and that fire out. Good thing there were lots of water bottles. If someone hadn’t smelled it, we and all of our kids could have died. Oh, and a special f–k y-- to any camp that rents cabins with wood burning stoves where neither the smoke detectors nor the CO2 detectors are operational. Fire Code: Its not just a helpful suggestion, folks… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-are-dying-to-say-but-just-cant/615630.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-are-dying-to-say-but-just-cant/615630.md?page=7)