# Things You Can Do With Buttocks **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 17, 2012, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-can-do-with-buttocks/609766 "2012-01-17T03:33:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2012, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-can-do-with-buttocks/609766/21 "2012-01-17T07:25:55Z")
> [@brittekland](#): > > Right, standing out by barn fire drinking beer at night always makes my buttocks unbelievably chilled, like they are not even parts of body. I usually have to hold my butt cheeks in each hand to go to sleep. No good at all without a picture! šŸ˜‰ ---
**Author:** ![brittekland](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@brittekland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brittekland)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2012, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-can-do-with-buttocks/609766/22 "2012-01-17T07:38:12Z")
Ah, if wish is fishes, Iā€™d have em tooā€¦ šŸ˜› ---
**Author:** ![kferr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/71e660/32.png) [@kferr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kferr)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2012, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-can-do-with-buttocks/609766/23 "2012-01-17T11:00:34Z")
You can use them as [biometrics to log into your computer](http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/12/27/japanese_bum_id_recognizer/) ---
**Author:** ![Ruken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f475e1/32.png) [@Ruken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruken)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2012, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-can-do-with-buttocks/609766/24 "2012-01-17T12:29:41Z")
Crack walnuts. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2012, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-can-do-with-buttocks/609766/25 "2012-01-17T12:42:44Z")
> [@scootergirl](#): > > Well this may be TMI, but I could use mine to keep ice from melting. It is often freezing to the touch. It is always the last part of my body to warm up after being outside in the cold. My guy often makes fun of thisā€¦ummā€¦phenomenon (?). Iā€™m waiting for some day when he has a feverā€¦he can just lay his poor hot forehead on it and feel all betterā€¦šŸ˜ƒ šŸ˜‰ _sigh_ Oh all right, Iā€™ll do it thenā€¦ : Sooo, how \*you \*doinā€™ ? ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2012, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-can-do-with-buttocks/609766/26 "2012-01-17T13:40:29Z")
Moving from IMHO to MPSIMS. ---
**Author:** ![brittekland](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@brittekland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brittekland)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2012, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-can-do-with-buttocks/609766/27 "2012-01-17T13:46:43Z")
> [@Ruken](#): > > Crack walnuts. I would not like to see Myth Busters testing this. ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2012, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-can-do-with-buttocks/609766/28 "2012-01-17T13:51:24Z")
My buttocks once made a man loudly exclaim to God, ā€œPlease lord, donā€™t strike me blindā€. šŸ™‚ I was 28 and it was the tight pink jeans that did it. ---
**Author:** ![brittekland](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@brittekland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brittekland)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2012, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-can-do-with-buttocks/609766/29 "2012-01-17T13:56:20Z")
Awesome! Definitely worthy of going on the list of things you tell your grand children. šŸ™‚ ---
**Author:** ![11811](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/9d8465/32.png) [@11811](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/11811)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2012, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-can-do-with-buttocks/609766/30 "2012-01-17T18:58:57Z")
> [@johnpost](#): > > what type of crack is that? Prehensile ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2012, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-can-do-with-buttocks/609766/31 "2012-01-17T19:24:32Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > [Protect yourself from death by asphyxiation.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gentlemen,_Be_Seated!) ā€œHouston, weā€™re venting some sort of gas into space.ā€ ---
**Author:** ![Ura-Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/51bf81/32.png) [@Ura-Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ura-Maru)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2012, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-can-do-with-buttocks/609766/32 "2012-01-17T20:12:30Z")
I consider myself an artist. The buttocks are my canvas. Also the upper thighs. ā€“ The small of the back is my sketchpad. The neck and shoulders are my bristol board. The feet and lower legs are my high-rag content mixed-media paper. ---
**Author:** ![Diamonds02](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5a626/32.png) [@Diamonds02](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diamonds02)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2012, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-can-do-with-buttocks/609766/33 "2012-01-17T20:24:13Z")
Have diarrhe-ar (as my grandpa says), not wipe your ass with toilet paper, but wipe your ass ON something else. Make a peace sign maybe? ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2012, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-can-do-with-buttocks/609766/34 "2012-01-17T23:24:11Z")
> [@Diamonds02](#): > > Have diarrhe-arā€¦ I thought it was ā€œdire rear.ā€ (pause) Another thing one can do with oneā€™s buttocks: play the drum solo from ā€œIn A Gadda Da Vidaā€ on them with oneā€™s hands. . ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2012, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-can-do-with-buttocks/609766/35 "2012-01-18T20:13:25Z")
> [@brittekland](#): > > [http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/jan/05/woman-buttocks-damage-painting-clyfford-still](http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/jan/05/woman-buttocks-damage-painting-clyfford-still) > > What else can one do with buttocks? I canā€™t help wondering how they assessed the damage at $10,000. The conversion to sterling (Ā£6,460) heightens the effect of this. Itā€™s as if theyā€™re absolutely, positively certain that it shoudnā€™t be Ā£54658 or Ā£6462. Actually, at the moment, itā€™s Ā£6489.71; if weā€™re going to calculate the degree of buttockal damage so precisely, the least we can do is keep abreast of the exchange rate. šŸ™‚ ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2012, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-can-do-with-buttocks/609766/36 "2012-01-18T20:20:38Z")
> [@brittekland](#): > > A friend of mine once lit her fart and a blanket of blue flame literally stayed on her butt for a while. She freaked, jumped up and down and sat on her ā€œbuttocksā€ to put it out. It was way back in Strohā€™s drinking daysā€¦ Hey, Iā€™m from Houston too. Always nice to see another ass Strohs fan. ---
**Author:** ![brittekland](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@brittekland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brittekland)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2012, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-can-do-with-buttocks/609766/37 "2012-01-18T21:32:36Z")
> [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](#): > > I canā€™t help wondering how they assessed the damage at $10,000. The conversion to sterling (Ā£6,460) heightens the effect of this. Itā€™s as if theyā€™re absolutely, positively certain that it shoudnā€™t be Ā£54658 or Ā£6462. > > Actually, at the moment, itā€™s Ā£6489.71; if weā€™re going to calculate the degree of buttockal damage so precisely, the least we can do is keep abreast of the exchange rate. šŸ™‚ Details, detailsā€¦ just appreciate the fact that a UK news paper is nice enough to give us US version, alright? šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2012, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-can-do-with-buttocks/609766/38 "2012-01-19T16:31:05Z")
You can crush a Strohā€™s can. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-can-do-with-buttocks/609766.md?page=1)