# Things you don't DARE tell your spouse/SO? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 28, 2004, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-dare-tell-your-spouse-so/266571 "2004-09-28T22:49:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![bughunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@bughunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bughunter)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2004, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-dare-tell-your-spouse-so/266571/1 "2004-09-28T22:49:53Z")
I had a dream the other night that my wife was my mother. Not in any sorta oedipal sense, but just that the person to whom I was married was playing the role of my parent… Specifically, she was admonishing me for smoking when I’m supposed to be quitting. Which I am. Except for bumming a cigarette every now and then from coworkers. Thing is, she feels like she is in competition with my mother, for some unfathomable reason… they live on opposite coasts of the US, and we seldom communicate with dear old Mom more often than once a month. But her mother-in-law _is_ coming out it about a month for a week visit. To see the new baby. Who isn’t born yet, but will be _any day now_. So if **Mrs. Bughunter** learns that I have had such a dream, I’d be on the receiving end of relentless psychoanalysis and angst-filled sobbing rants… you parents know how those hormone-fueled emotional binges reach a crescendo at term. So that dream is going down on the list of “Things That Will Remain Unsaid.” So, husbands, wives, and life partners… what else goes on our collective list? ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2004, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-dare-tell-your-spouse-so/266571/2 "2004-09-28T22:51:34Z")
I just have to post in this thread so that when Mr. Athena does his twice-monthly search on all the posts I’ve made, he’ll find that I’ve posted here and have a heart attack. Hi hon! _wave!_ ---
**Author:** ![Kiminy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Kiminy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiminy)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-dare-tell-your-spouse-so/266571/3 "2004-09-29T02:38:02Z")
Hehe… I should do that too, so my DH will see me. Oh wait, I just did. :smack: After 18+ years (16 of which were in legal wedlock) together, we’ve determined that there isn’t much we can’t tell each other. However, we can’t talk about religion without getting VERY angry with each other. ---
**Author:** ![Tiggrkitty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tiggrkitty/32/17966_2.png) [@Tiggrkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tiggrkitty)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-dare-tell-your-spouse-so/266571/4 "2004-09-29T12:38:35Z")
_waves to Cardsfan_ I am horrible at keeping secrets. I plan all types of outings for us to do and if he gets even remotely wind of it, he digs it out of me. So it’s pretty much pointless for me to try to keep anything from him. Either that or with a single hint, he can guess out of the blue what it is we are going to do and when. (I really HATE that about him.) It would be interesting to find out if he keeps anything from me though. Come on sweetie fess up!!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-dare-tell-your-spouse-so/266571/5 "2004-09-29T12:43:18Z")
Your wife is about to have a baby and you think she gives a tinker’s damn about your dreams? No way - your dreams are the last of her concerns right now, and after the baby’s born your dreams will be even lower on her list of things to fret about. ---
**Author:** ![Vlad\_Igor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/7feea3/32.png) [@Vlad\_Igor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vlad_Igor)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-dare-tell-your-spouse-so/266571/6 "2004-09-29T13:24:23Z")
> [@Kiminy](#): > > Hehe… I should do that too, so my DH will see me. > > Oh wait, I just did. :smack: > > After 18+ years (16 of which were in legal wedlock) together, we’ve determined that there isn’t much we can’t tell each other. However, we can’t talk about religion without getting VERY angry with each other. Aha!!! Um, yeah, when I was younger and not as mature, I took it personally. But we have found _some_ common ground, and we stay on that. In the past, there have been some “unfortunate incidents” at work that were my fault and didn’t tell her about it at the time. I would tell her later, though. Fortunately, that hasn’t happened for a long time now. Vlad/Igor ---
**Author:** ![GrizzRich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ba0ec/32.png) [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-dare-tell-your-spouse-so/266571/7 "2004-09-29T13:41:17Z")
I’ve informed GrizzWife about any fights I’ve been in since we’ve been married… . . . …about 50% of the time. If I can make my way through a physical altercation without any bruising, scratches or abrasions, she probably won’t know about it. ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-dare-tell-your-spouse-so/266571/8 "2004-09-29T14:08:07Z")
I don’t tell my husband how many sexual partners I’ve had before him (he once told me it would “kill” him to know - so I don’t tell him he’s a bit of a drama queen either) and I don’t tell him I just farted or need to. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-dare-tell-your-spouse-so/266571/9 "2004-09-29T14:32:29Z")
I used to not tell her when something did make her look fat, then I discovered that she really did want the honest truth. I now tell her that such and such outfit will “make [her] look bigger than [she] actually is.” ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-dare-tell-your-spouse-so/266571/10 "2004-09-29T16:31:54Z")
> [@Maus Magill](#): > > I used to not tell her when something did make her look fat, then I discovered that she really did want the honest truth. > > I now tell her that such and such outfit will “make [her] look bigger than [she] actually is.” I’ve had girlfriends with whom “does this make me look fat?” had no right answer. It used to drive me crazy – why ask for my opinion if you’re going to argue with my answer? With Mrs. Giraffe, I just say “_really_ fat!” on the rare occasions she asks, and she’ll either laugh or knock me down. Or both. (Mrs. Giraffe is a hottie, so I find it far more effective to reassure her with mockery than with actual reassurances.) ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-dare-tell-your-spouse-so/266571/11 "2004-09-29T17:24:00Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > I’ve had girlfriends with whom “does this make me look fat?” had no right answer. It used to drive me crazy – why ask for my opinion if you’re going to argue with my answer? “ **Giraffe** , does this sandwich, which was in a plastic bag in some of your urine, make me look fat?” ---
**Author:** ![Earthworm\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f07891/32.png) [@Earthworm\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthworm_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-dare-tell-your-spouse-so/266571/12 "2004-09-29T17:52:03Z")
> [@Caricci](#): > > I don’t tell him I just farted or need to. So he finds out the hard way? That’s just mean 😉 ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-dare-tell-your-spouse-so/266571/13 "2004-09-29T17:54:40Z")
> [@Caricci](#): > > I don’t tell my husband how many sexual partners I’ve had before him (he once told me it would “kill” him to know -. Are you kidding? That sounds really odd to me. WHat would be the difference between 1(which I assume he knows there was at least 1) and 10? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-dare-tell-your-spouse-so/266571/14 "2004-09-29T17:56:21Z")
> [@vanilla](#): > > WHat would be the difference between 1(which I assume he knows there was at least 1) and 10? 😕 1. ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-dare-tell-your-spouse-so/266571/15 "2004-09-29T18:01:54Z")
heh 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Earthworm\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f07891/32.png) [@Earthworm\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthworm_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-dare-tell-your-spouse-so/266571/16 "2004-09-29T18:02:03Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > I’ve had girlfriends with whom “does this make me look fat?” had no right answer. It used to drive me crazy – why ask for my opinion if you’re going to argue with my answer? My favorite response to this question is: \ \ \ “No.” Which used to get “Why’d you have to pause? It does, doesn’t it? Oh my God I’m a cow!!!” Big Laffs. We’ve been married ten years. She doesn’t ask anymore 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-dare-tell-your-spouse-so/266571/17 "2004-09-29T18:09:27Z")
> [@vanilla](#): > > Are you kidding? > That sounds really odd to me. > WHat would be the difference between 1(which I assume he knows there was at least 1) and 10? 😕 He likes to pretend there were none. He feels like we should just pretend our romantic life started when we met - never mind that he was 28 and I was 31. BTW, it was quite a bit more than 10. Not that he has any idea. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-dare-tell-your-spouse-so/266571/18 "2004-09-29T18:46:46Z")
> [@iampunha](#): > > “ **Giraffe** , does this sandwich, which was in a plastic bag in some of your urine, make me look fat?” You _better_ run, punk! There’s a lot more urine where that came from. ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2004, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-dare-tell-your-spouse-so/266571/19 "2004-09-29T19:21:24Z")
> [@iampunha](#): > > “ **Giraffe** , does this sandwich, which was in a plastic bag in some of your urine, make me look fat?” It’s posts like yours that are just gonna piss Giraffe off. Clearly my one lasting impact on this board is gonna be that contest. I have no problem with that. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2004, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-dare-tell-your-spouse-so/266571/20 "2004-09-30T00:39:49Z")
> [@GrizzRich](#): > > I’ve informed GrizzWife about any fights I’ve been in since we’ve been married… > . > . > . > …about 50% of the time. > > If I can make my way through a physical altercation without any bruising, scratches or abrasions, she probably won’t know about it. You are well out of high school, right? What kind of life does an adult male lead that he gets into so many fights?! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-dare-tell-your-spouse-so/266571.md?page=2)