# Things You Don't Want To Hear On A First Date **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 8, 2013, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961 "2013-07-08T19:09:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/41 "2013-07-09T01:43:58Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > True one, first and only date, from a woman:" I have rape fantasies." But still not quite as creepy as a man saying it on a first date. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/42 "2013-07-09T02:52:52Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > True one, first and only date, from a woman:" I have rape fantasies." Did you ask her as the victim or rapist? ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/43 "2013-07-09T03:11:48Z")
"Don’t you think suicide pacts are _romantic?"_ “Excuse me, I need to measure your breasts to see if they meet my standards.” “Is it _true_ what they say about you and the orangutan?!” “Before any date, I have a few facts I’m legally obligated to disclose as a condition of my parole.” “Shut up! Oh sorry, I didn’t mean you, I meant the voices in my head.” “Bet you can’t find where all my concealed weapons are!” “You know, if you’re a vampire I’m _totally_ cool with you drinking my blood.” “I’ll need to see certification of your racial purity before we do any touching.” ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/44 "2013-07-09T03:13:12Z")
True story (the morning after a very successful first real date): “I want a child. You can help me. You don’t have to be involved with the child I just want to get pregnant.” I would have chewed my own arm off to get out of there. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/45 "2013-07-09T03:16:08Z")
You wear too much eye makeup. My sister wears too much. People think she’s a whore. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/46 "2013-07-09T03:17:35Z")
> [@snowthx](#): > > “Are you done yet?” “Is it in yet?” ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/47 "2013-07-09T03:18:37Z")
“So do you think he really wants me or is he just playing games?” ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@Mister\_Owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Owl)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/48 "2013-07-09T03:45:49Z")
The doctor swears I’m not contagious. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/49 "2013-07-09T03:51:20Z")
“I _ **HATE** _ cheaters. :mad: There is nothing worse in this world than a cheater. Total scum. All cheaters should burn in hell. You’re not a cheater, right?” ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/50 "2013-07-09T03:54:01Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > True story (the morning after a very successful first real date): “I want a child. You can help me. You don’t have to be involved with the child I just want to get pregnant.” I would have chewed my own arm off to get out of there. Assuming this is real it’s the winner of the [true stories](http://i3.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/006/216/7nTnr.png) so far. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/51 "2013-07-09T04:08:33Z")
> [@astro](#): > > \ > Sorry I’m late I had to change all 9 litter boxes. That one made me snort out loud. 😃 > [@gigi](#): > > “Is it in yet?” That’s just what I was thinking. > [@Ambivalid](#): > > “I _ **HATE** _ cheaters. :mad: There is nothing worse in this world than a cheater. Total scum. All cheaters should burn in hell. You’re not a cheater, right?” After all that, you’re sure to get an honest answer! My additions: “I know I said I didn’t have kids, but I actually do. I just wanted you to meet me first so you would get to know me, even though your profile said you didn’t want kids.” A cellphone ringing, and my date answering it, and talking on it AT ALL throughout the date. Cellphones go off when the date starts, unless a close family member is dying. The sound of my date texting. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/52 "2013-07-09T04:57:01Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > But still not quite as creepy as a man saying it on a first date. No, that’s _really_ creepy. But on a \*first date \*from a woman… ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@Mister\_Owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Owl)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/53 "2013-07-09T05:48:11Z")
> [@Mister\_Owl](#): > > The doctor swears I’m not contagious. > [@astro](#): > > Assuming this is real it’s the winner of the [true stories](http://i3.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/006/216/7nTnr.png) so far. If I swear that I have said my quote would you declare me the winner? ---
**Author:** ![KinkiNipponTourist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e9bcb4/32.png) [@KinkiNipponTourist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KinkiNipponTourist)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/54 "2013-07-09T06:08:47Z")
Anyone ever hear of Kevin Bloody Wilson? > **[DO YA FUCK ON FIRST DATES (KEVS COURTIN' SONG) Lyrics - KEVIN BLOODY WILSON |...](https://www.elyrics.net/read/k/kevin-bloody-wilson-lyrics/do-ya-fuck-on-first-dates-(kevs-courtin_-song)-lyrics.html)** > > Blown to much of me time Buyin' Dinner and Wine And me money on flowers and lollies Only to ... Here’s a snippet: Do you fuck on first dates Does you Dad own a brewery Could I feel Your tits Or would you show ‘em to me Cause you’ve got a nice head And you look pretty honest So me face’ll be leavin’ in quart of an hour I’d like you to be on it ---
**Author:** ![phxjcc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8491ac/32.png) [@phxjcc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phxjcc)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 8:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/55 "2013-07-09T08:39:56Z")
True story from a female friend of mine…“I’m homeless, does that bother you?” Last week…“all of the women in my family are spinsters” Still trying to figure that one out. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 9:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/56 "2013-07-09T09:00:38Z")
I think the worst on a first date or meeting is some variation on “you’re my boyfriend/girlfriend.” Like, once I was at a dance at a church camp and some girl who apparently must have had some huge crush on me was following me around the dance, pulling me onto the dance floor (it’s not quite as bad as it sounds, but it was pretty obnoxious), and at one point when someone made some snide comment at me/us said something along the lines of “it’s okay, they don’t have a girlfriend”. She tried her damnedest to sit next to me on the 5 hour bus ride home, luckily I had a friend to sit with first. To this day I do not know that person’s name, all I know is that I’m somewhat glad that I don’t, because I think asking her her name would have been interpreted as a marriage proposal. > [@Ambivalid](#): > > “I _ **HATE** _ cheaters. :mad: There is nothing worse in this world than a cheater. Total scum. All cheaters should burn in hell. You’re not a cheater, right?” “Oh, I am. Sorry.” _Wait for them to finish their rant of unequalled fury_ _beat_ “… oh, I thought you meant at Monopoly” ---
**Author:** ![AaronX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7bcc69/32.png) [@AaronX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AaronX)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 10:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/57 "2013-07-09T10:23:12Z")
I was about to say “will you marry me?”, but I think Jragon has a better story. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/58 "2013-07-09T17:40:49Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > “I am… Batman.” I dunno, that’d do it for me 😉 ---
**Author:** ![MegaBee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f0a364/32.png) [@MegaBee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MegaBee)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/59 "2013-07-09T18:19:39Z")
“Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?” ---
**Author:** ![Soylent\_Juicy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Soylent\_Juicy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soylent_Juicy)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/60 "2013-07-09T19:14:54Z")
I had one date with a guy who turned out to be a single father. I didn’t know this when I accepted the date. Me: “I don’t want children. Never have, never will.” Him: “How about a stepdaughter?” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961.md?page=4)