# Things You Don't Want To Hear On A First Date **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 8, 2013, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961 "2013-07-08T19:09:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Turek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/turek/32/18782_2.png) [@Turek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turek)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2013, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/81 "2013-07-12T11:55:19Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > At least you found out before you married (I’m assuming) him! Wow. I’m going to counter the premise of the OP: these are \*indeed \*things you want to hear on the first date. So much better than hearing them on the 15th date! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2013, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/82 "2013-07-12T14:04:03Z")
> [@Turek](#): > > I’m going to counter the premise of the OP: these are \*indeed \*things you want to hear on the first date. So much better than hearing them on the 15th date! 🙂 Indeed. A friend of mine just told me a story last night about going on a 3rd date with a guy who found that the best time to tell her that he didn’t approve of any of her gay friends because gay people are gross and going to hell. I think she would have preferred to hear that on date one! ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2013, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/83 "2013-07-12T14:08:56Z")
“Oh wow, you live right near my favorite abortion clinic!” ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2013, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/84 "2013-07-12T14:13:43Z")
“You do realize there’s no use screaming, don’t you?” ---
**Author:** ![AaronX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7bcc69/32.png) [@AaronX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AaronX)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2013, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/85 "2013-07-12T15:25:23Z")
You’re scared? I’m the one who has to walk back alone! ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2013, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/86 "2013-07-12T15:32:18Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > “Oh wow, you live right near my favorite abortion clinic!” Love this. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2013, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/87 "2013-07-12T16:31:59Z")
“Oh don’t mind that, I’m just recording the date so my mom and I can go over it later” ---
**Author:** ![DrunkenEconomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@DrunkenEconomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrunkenEconomist)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2013, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/88 "2013-07-12T16:47:15Z")
“You have bigger tits than my mom” ---
**Author:** ![Zeke\_N.Destroi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/4af34b/32.png) [@Zeke\_N.Destroi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeke_N.Destroi)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2013, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/89 "2013-07-12T17:14:17Z")
> [@Ranger\_Jeff](#): > > “I’m saving myself for marriage. Oh, I’ll have the lobster, please.” > [@Beelzebubba](#): > > “I need you to blow into the breathalizer tube so I can start the car…” True one but not really a date. I had sent a letter to a girl I was acquainted with that was sufficiently quirky - or so I thought - to entice her to my hometown and, in fact my bedroom. While we’re talking she spots my lawn gnome (lawn gnome relocation was a trend with my friends at the time.) Her: Oh isn’t he cute? Does he have a name? Me : Nietzsche Her: [hugging Nietzsche to her chest] You know, the funny thing is this gnome just got closer to my tits than you ever will. Me::eek: Fake ones: I’m a virgin and I’m ready to give it up and try all of the things I’ve spent every night of the last 6 years thinking about. I want to do it with \*\*you[/]. Now! I sure hope my babies like you. That’s what I call my four poodles. I was once featured on America’s Most Wanted, but it was a mistake. I wasn’t quite wanted enough to make the list. Do you like wearing diapers too? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2013, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/90 "2013-07-12T17:52:01Z")
> [@Mr.Accident](#): > > \ > > “Oh sweetie, you thought this was a date? I just asked you to come with me to make sure I don’t do anything stupid and that I get home safe.”\ I think the “Oh sweetie” is the best part - nothing like some condescension to go with your kick in the emotional nads. > [@Turek](#): > > I’m going to counter the premise of the OP: these are \*indeed \*things you want to hear on the first date. So much better than hearing them on the 15th date! 🙂 You make an excellent point. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2013, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/91 "2013-07-12T18:21:46Z")
> [@Zeke\_N.Destroi](#): > > Do you like wearing diapers too? Or: Speaking of babies, are you OK with changing diapers? Good, mine is about full… ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2013, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/92 "2013-07-12T19:21:30Z")
Where did I go to college? Liberty University. Is it time for Rush’s show yet? That guy is so smart. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2013, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/93 "2013-07-12T19:53:14Z")
“Are you saved?” ---
**Author:** ![Zeke\_N.Destroi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/4af34b/32.png) [@Zeke\_N.Destroi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeke_N.Destroi)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2013, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/94 "2013-07-12T20:36:53Z")
> [@Doctor\_Jackson](#): > > Or: > > Speaking of babies, are you OK with changing diapers? Good, mine is about full… …So after dinner shall we rendezvous in the men’s room? ---
**Author:** ![Zeke\_N.Destroi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/4af34b/32.png) [@Zeke\_N.Destroi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeke_N.Destroi)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2013, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/95 "2013-07-12T20:41:32Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > “Are you saved?” “Why no Ma’am. Jesus saves - but Moses invests. I’m invested.” ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2013, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/96 "2013-07-12T22:26:27Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > “Oh wow, you live right near my favorite abortion clinic!” Was this from a man or a woman? Here’s another one that, if it were the case, you’d also want to know about it ASAP so you can end the relationship right then and there. Why, yes, I started the thread. > **[Spinoff from child support thread](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=689859)** > > Question: Has anyone here ever found out that their SO abandoned a child or a family? I’m not talking about someone who put a baby up for adoption (unless they didn’t tell you) or even someone who’s prohibited from seeing their children, whether... ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2013, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/97 "2013-07-13T01:39:48Z")
“My son has herpes.” Why the hell would you tell me that? ETA: Not referring to _my_ son, but to her son. Just wanted to make sure that was perfectly clear. ---
**Author:** ![minlokwat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/minlokwat/32/2844_2.png) [@minlokwat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minlokwat)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2013, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/98 "2013-07-13T02:13:24Z")
“You saw me on that Chris Hansen thing? Those guys totally set me up.” ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2013, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/99 "2013-07-13T02:30:45Z")
True ones. ``` " You are kind of creeping me out, you remind me of my ex, but we can still go to dinner" " If you don't have the balls to tell that waitress to recook your eggs I am out of here" " have you ever been to the hot springs? Last time I was there I sucked off about 15 guys" " I really am married, I am just trying to make my husband jealous" " I am going to be outfront with you, I am not really into sex but I need to marry someone with health insurance, it doesn't bother me at all if you watch porno and jack off in bed" ``` ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2013, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961/100 "2013-07-13T02:36:20Z")
> [@minlokwat](#): > > “You saw me on that Chris Hansen thing? Those guys totally set me up.” She said she was 16 but I swear to God I could tell she was 22. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-dont-want-to-hear-on-a-first-date/662961.md?page=6)