# Things you FINALLY figured out **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 5, 2023, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-finally-figured-out/982223 "2023-04-05T22:49:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2023, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-finally-figured-out/982223/121 "2023-04-13T14:46:39Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > Secondly, I don’t think being genuinely nice comes second in terms of importance as much as it’s not sufficient. Supposedly women want a man _that they’re attracted to_ to be nice. So yeah, I’d say it does come second. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2023, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-finally-figured-out/982223/122 "2023-04-13T15:28:25Z")
> [@Moonrise](#): > > But that’s the key : men must bring some concrete skill to the table. That one is true for at least a lot of women (there do seem to be a few who want to rescue somebody. Probably also true of men. Likely not to work out well in either case.) But this part is very important: > [@Moonrise](#): > > this can be accomplished in many different ways, through intellectual, professional, artistic, humorous, physical, or financial achievements. Very much so. And not every woman is interested in the same sort of accomplishment; though many are interested in more than one, either separately or in combination. > [@Moonrise](#): > > And that’s where “Nice Guy” whiners get it completely wrong. Being nice is… nice, but comes second in terms of importance. Genuine kindness is essential for a lot of women (not all; but the ones for whom it isn’t tend to be either quite nasty themselves, and/or to be so damaged that they don’t believe there is such a thing as a genuinely kind man.) But the other thing Nice Guys™ get wrong is that genuine kindness isn’t at all the same thing as what they mean by niceness. > [@doreen](#): > > I don’t think being genuinely nice comes second in terms of importance as much as it’s not sufficient. Yeah, quite a lot of women want both genuine kindness, and competency. Combine those two with confidence (for good reason) in one’s competency and you’re gold. > [@Lumpy](#): > > Supposedly women want a man _that they’re attracted to_ to be nice. So yeah, I’d say it does come second. “Supposedly”? Who’s doing this “supposing”? I want people to be kind. People who I’m attracted to, people who I’m not attracted to, people of any gender, people who are monogamously married to somebody else, children, close relatives, politicians who I’m not likely to ever meet. I’m sometimes disappointed; but that’s what I want. Why would anyone who values kindness think otherwise? When I’ve been attracted to somebody who I found out wasn’t kind, the attraction cut off like a light switch. For a lot of us, it’s absolutely essential. And it’s not an area in which ranking “first” and “second” makes any sense. That’s like trying to rank whether you’d rather have a car on which the steering doesn’t work at all, or one on which the brakes don’t work at all. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2023, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-finally-figured-out/982223/123 "2023-04-13T15:43:04Z")
Also consider that people (of either sex) can afford to be fairly picky. Any given person will meet probably thousands of potential partners. Even if you really do put a high priority on certain traits like “is nice”, or “has a sense of humor”, or whatever, that’ll still leave you with hundreds of prospects who are funny and nice. You’re only picking one, so of course you’re also going to look at other assets to narrow those hundreds down to one. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2023, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-finally-figured-out/982223/124 "2023-04-13T16:12:16Z")
During the Covid lockdown, I discovered that what was most important about my car was how it looked sitting in front of the house. It wasn’t going much of anywhere, and it matched some ornamentation on the porch… and it was unique. > [@BlinkingDuck](#): > > I would go to my car in the parking lot and it wasn’t uncommon to find 2-3 guys near it talking about it and then asking me questions about it when they saw it was mine… Mine was the first hybrid, a 2000 Honda Insight. The one with the “skirts” over the back wheels. We live across from a park, so a lot of people would walk by and stop and wonder what it was. That was kind of fun (but I’d tell them not to be impressed: “It’s one trick is gas mileage, so almost no acceleration.”) > **[File:2000 Honda Insight 1.0 Rear.jpg](https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:2000_Honda_Insight_1.0_Rear.jpg)** ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2023, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-finally-figured-out/982223/125 "2023-04-22T01:45:31Z")
I didn’t **just** figure this out, but I didn’t understand what was happening at the time. Many years ago I had just started dating this woman and we were on our second date having dinner. Pretty much out of the blue she asks me if I’ve seen _Splendor In The Grass_. I say sure or something to that effect, and she answers “I think it’s a beautiful movie”. Hello!! :facepalm: Here I am on a date, and my companion is telling me she thinks it’s a beautiful film, one that she herself brought up, and whose title is essentially “F\*\*king Outdoors”… In those days I couldn’t pick up a clue if I was buttered all over with clue aphrodisiac in the middle of clue msting season. Lived and learned… ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2023, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-finally-figured-out/982223/126 "2023-04-22T13:31:07Z")
Being as I first heard of this movie from your post, I too would have missed the entendre at the moment. Though I’d probably have followed up with “Haven’t seen it, what’s it about?” and pretty quickly I would have caught on. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2023, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-finally-figured-out/982223/127 "2023-04-23T12:37:30Z")
> [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](#): > > clue msting season Ahh, it took me awhile to realize, even in context, that this should be “clue mating season”. I thought it was some weird tradition of live riffing on the _Clue_ movie. ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2023, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-finally-figured-out/982223/128 "2023-04-23T17:32:24Z")
> [@digs](#): > > Mine was the first hybrid, a 2000 Honda Insight. The one with the “skirts” over the back wheels. Me, too! You should have seen the face of the guy who had to change the tire for me the first time I got a flat. I like being able to go from L.A. to the Bay Area on less than one tank of gas. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-finally-figured-out/982223.md?page=6)