# Things you may NEVER hear. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 10, 2000, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-never-hear/19128 "2000-05-10T16:10:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2000, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-never-hear/19128/1 "2000-05-10T16:10:20Z")
Walmart employee: May I help you? Your Boss: Take friday off…make it a long weekend! ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2000, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-never-hear/19128/2 "2000-05-10T16:17:34Z")
Girlfriend: “Of course I don’t mind if you go on a beer bash with your mates. Hey, I can entertain myself - I’m not gonna sit at home all night long, angrily waiting for you.” Police office: “No, don’t worry sir. I’m not giving you a ticket. I’m giving you a warning this time. Naah, of course we don’t just do that for busty blondes!” Coldfire: “No beer for me! Nuh-uh. I’ll have a Perrier.” ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2000, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-never-hear/19128/3 "2000-05-10T16:17:41Z")
**Cecil Adams** - “Whoa, I didn’t know that.” ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2000, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-never-hear/19128/4 "2000-05-10T16:21:29Z")
From any and every husband/SO/roomie: ``` I know there are a thousand things you do that I don't take the time to thank you for, but, in case I've never told you; God Bless you for cleaning the toilet! Week after week. Month after week. Year after year. ``` ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2000, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-never-hear/19128/5 "2000-05-10T16:22:10Z")
High Ranking Politician: Yep, I screwed something up. I had a pretty wild night, and woke up with a hang-over, and wasn’t paying attention to what I was signing. Sorry. My mistake. Who wants to play Scrabble? ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2000, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-never-hear/19128/6 "2000-05-10T16:22:19Z")
We’ve had a great year so I can actually give you the bonus that I have promised you for the last 3 years . ---
**Author:** ![AmyJohn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/90ced4/32.png) [@AmyJohn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AmyJohn)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2000, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-never-hear/19128/7 "2000-05-10T16:24:29Z")
Any intelligent thought from George W. . . . ---
**Author:** ![ultress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/7c8e57/32.png) [@ultress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultress)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2000, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-never-hear/19128/8 "2000-05-10T16:27:07Z")
From my friend CanadianSue: Na I don’t want another beer. One is enough. ---
**Author:** ![G.B.H.Hornswoggler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c67d28/32.png) [@G.B.H.Hornswoggler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G.B.H.Hornswoggler)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2000, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-never-hear/19128/9 "2000-05-10T16:31:28Z")
Would you like to have some meaningless sex? I’m _so_ tired of long, drawn-out relationships. ---
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2000, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-never-hear/19128/10 "2000-05-10T16:52:47Z")
Shoe salesman: Try those out for a few days see how you like them. ---
**Author:** ![casdave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c6cbf5/32.png) [@casdave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/casdave)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2000, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-never-hear/19128/11 "2000-05-10T16:59:17Z")
You’ll have to reverse your decision ref, I didn’t quite make it over the line. ---
**Author:** ![casdave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c6cbf5/32.png) [@casdave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/casdave)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2000, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-never-hear/19128/12 "2000-05-10T16:59:46Z")
You’ll have to reverse your decision ref, I didn’t quite make it over the line. ---
**Author:** ![KimKatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ac91a4/32.png) [@KimKatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KimKatt)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2000, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-never-hear/19128/13 "2000-05-10T17:02:39Z")
I don’t know the answer to your question, but rather than bullshitting my way through it, I am going to find out from someone who does know. ---
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2000, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-never-hear/19128/14 "2000-05-10T17:08:38Z")
Ultress? No she is not my best friend. ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2000, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-never-hear/19128/15 "2000-05-10T17:09:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > I don’t know the answer to your question, but rather than bullshitting my way through it, I am going to find out from someone who does know. > \*\* Gee, Katt, we must work for the same guy! Hmmm… I’ve never seen you around the office… ---
**Author:** ![UncaStuart](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/uncastuart/32/404_2.png) [@UncaStuart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncaStuart)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2000, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-never-hear/19128/16 "2000-05-10T17:16:51Z")
“Good evening. In tonight’s news, we will not be showing you the burning house on Third Street for the 47th time today, but instead will have Angela report on the spirit of cooperation at the School Board meeting.” ---
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2000, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-never-hear/19128/17 "2000-05-10T17:25:18Z")
Shayna and Satan: Got a light? ---
**Author:** ![KimKatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ac91a4/32.png) [@KimKatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KimKatt)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2000, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-never-hear/19128/18 "2000-05-10T17:47:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > Hmmm… I’ve never seen you around the office… > \*\* Hey, you never know… we don’t do pictures in the profiles 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![mouthbreather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a698b9/32.png) [@mouthbreather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mouthbreather)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2000, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-never-hear/19128/19 "2000-05-10T17:48:32Z")
I think George Carlin came up with this one, but I love it. Guy to Girlfriend: If you don’t stop sucking my dick, I’m gonna hafta call 911! ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2000, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-never-hear/19128/20 "2000-05-10T17:58:45Z")
Connor, not only would we like to hire you, but offer you more money than the original offer. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-never-hear/19128.md?page=2)