# Things you may not want to tell your ex-wife **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 14, 2024, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-not-want-to-tell-your-ex-wife/1007260 "2024-09-14T13:59:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2024, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-not-want-to-tell-your-ex-wife/1007260/21 "2024-09-16T17:01:00Z")
> [@scudsucker](#): > > I did not brag, but I did let my wife know there was a potential girlfriend - so she would learn from me, rather than via the kids. Oh definitely, I can totally see the importance of ex-spouse communications transparency about new-partner information in a less, um, physically specific sense. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2024, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-not-want-to-tell-your-ex-wife/1007260/22 "2024-09-16T18:51:02Z")
Similar here. We get along, apart. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2024, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-not-want-to-tell-your-ex-wife/1007260/23 "2024-09-16T19:01:07Z")
Yeah, the sex-after-divorce-brag must be a man thing. Y’all so predictable. ---
**Author:** ![scudsucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scudsucker/32/14101_2.png) [@scudsucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scudsucker)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2024, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-not-want-to-tell-your-ex-wife/1007260/24 "2024-09-16T19:09:00Z")
I got lucky. And I don’t mean that in the adolescent fashion, I really got lucky with a lovely woman who was attracted to me, and me to her. It worked out really well, for one night, with a workup of flirtation for a couple of weeks. And a workdown of a week or so where we both negotiated a friendly exit - we both knew it was a mistake, so we dealt with it like adults. Edit: i think you missed my point; maybe it was not well made. > [@scudsucker](#): > > I’ve only had sex once since divorce, and yes it was fun. I did not brag ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2024, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-not-want-to-tell-your-ex-wife/1007260/25 "2024-09-16T19:12:10Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Yeah, the sex-after-divorce-brag must be a man thing. Never, ever mentioned anything like that with any ex (girlfriend or my ex-wife) about a later partner. That just seems inappropriate at best, and honestly kind of creepy. I don’t want to know what my exes are up to, it’s none of their business what I’m up to. The thought of even bringing it up feels gross, but that might just be me. And none of my exes ever asked, thank goodness, because if they did that would weird me out. When my ex-wife found that I’d gotten engaged again, she said it seemed pretty quick, but I pointed out that it was about 3 1/2 years since she and I had really had a relationship. And I hadn’t even thought about trying to date anyone for a couple years after our divorce. I think in her mind it felt quick, but she just hadn’t sat down and did the math. I definitely didn’t rush to a rebound. That’s the closest I think I’ve ever come to any discussion about a partner with an ex. With the exception of a couple of my ex-girlfriends wanting to hook back up with me at a couple of points, and me having to remind them that (A) I was already with someone and (B) I never cheat (which they damn well know). ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2024, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-not-want-to-tell-your-ex-wife/1007260/26 "2024-09-16T19:20:03Z")
Yeah, that was kinda misandrist if me. I certainly don’t have any experience with any of it. I know all our Doper guys are perfect gentlemen. 🙂 (Except that one …😳) ---
**Author:** ![scudsucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scudsucker/32/14101_2.png) [@scudsucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scudsucker)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2024, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-not-want-to-tell-your-ex-wife/1007260/27 "2024-09-16T19:21:32Z")
We are not perfect gentleman. I’m not I think we try to be, though. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2024, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-not-want-to-tell-your-ex-wife/1007260/28 "2024-09-16T19:27:26Z")
I appreciate your effort. ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2024, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-not-want-to-tell-your-ex-wife/1007260/29 "2024-09-16T20:11:32Z")
I’m not divorced (although it’s only been 40 years, give it some time), but I don’t think I’d discuss my post-divorce sex life with anyone, let alone an ex-spouse, simply because I can’t discuss my sex life without implicitly discussing my partner’s (or partners’) and I’m sure they didn’t sign up for that. In other words, a gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2024, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-not-want-to-tell-your-ex-wife/1007260/30 "2024-09-16T20:22:05Z")
> [@gnoitall](#): > > In other words, a gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell. Who you callin’ a gemmelman? ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2024, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-not-want-to-tell-your-ex-wife/1007260/31 "2024-09-16T21:24:06Z")
Myself. I wouldn’t presume to speak for anyone else, gentlepersons or otherwise. It isn’t my place to judge anyone but myself, but that’s my standard and my expectations for my own behavior. As to other things I might not reveals to an ex, pretty much anything in the “nunya” category. I would really only reveal stuff they have an active need to know. So, for instance, not my finances, unless they have some exposure to it (like I’m laid off, so alimony and child support will be challenging). I wouldn’t really tattle on my children, if I had children young enough to tattle on. If they’re with me, the other parent’s standards and rules don’t apply so nothing would be accomplished by stirring up that shit. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2024, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-not-want-to-tell-your-ex-wife/1007260/32 "2024-09-16T22:04:26Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Yeah, that was kinda misandrist if me. For the record, I never thought you were saying _all_ men were like that, just that it would be more likely for a man to do that. You’re probably right. I’ve known a couple of guys who I could imagine would do such a thing. ---
**Author:** ![Moonrise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moonrise/32/14764_2.png) [@Moonrise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonrise)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2024, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-not-want-to-tell-your-ex-wife/1007260/33 "2024-09-17T07:20:42Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > TIL that apparently a fair number of guys think that bragging to their ex-wives about how much better their sex life became post-divorce is some kind of rhetorical score. 🤔 Considering that my ex-wife repeatedly told me that no woman would want me it was indeed tempting to rub her nose in the utter failure of her prediction. But again, I didn’t brag about it. I still have some sense of decency, and I can keep my mouth shut. Unlike her. Still, it’s funny that you remarked on this, and not on her verbal and physical abuse… ---
**Author:** ![Al128](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/al128/32/16541_2.png) [@Al128](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Al128)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2024, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-not-want-to-tell-your-ex-wife/1007260/34 "2024-09-17T11:21:07Z")
my favorite quote: _You are the owner on your silence and the slave of once words_ ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2024, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-not-want-to-tell-your-ex-wife/1007260/35 "2024-09-17T11:39:02Z")
I’m not wishing to retract my words, but as the guy who initiated the sidetrack about talking sex with ex-spouses, I’m sorry that it has taken so much space in the thread. And caused the usual oil-versus-water effect as everybody closes ranks for their team. As the title of the OP says, it’s “Things you may not want to tell your ex-wife” And by “not want” what they really mean IMO is “Things your better judgement suggests you ought not tell your ex-wife”. And yes, delivering a dig, regardless of topic, is not an example of good mature judgement. ---
**Author:** ![scudsucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scudsucker/32/14101_2.png) [@scudsucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scudsucker)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2024, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-not-want-to-tell-your-ex-wife/1007260/36 "2024-09-17T12:32:04Z")
As OP, I don’t mind the drift off topic. This is the BBQ pit in any case. We could be all shouting and swearing at our ex-spouses, but we are not - there seems to be genuine respect given. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2024, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-not-want-to-tell-your-ex-wife/1007260/37 "2024-09-17T13:14:27Z")
> [@Moonrise](#): > > Still, it’s funny that you remarked on this, and not on her verbal and physical abuse… Sadly, I was already well aware that many people of both sexes have been victims of verbal and physical abuse from their spouses during their marriages. Which is, indeed, a horrible thing, and such abuse is inexcusable. But the phenomenon of some ex-husbands feeling tempted to boast to their ex-wives about the improvement in their post-divorce sex lives was new to me, so that’s why I remarked on it. > [@LSLGuy](#): > > […] as the guy who initiated the sidetrack about talking sex with ex-spouses, I’m sorry that it has taken so much space in the thread. Sorry about that, I will drop the subject now. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2024, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-not-want-to-tell-your-ex-wife/1007260/38 "2024-09-18T13:16:40Z")
> [@scudsucker](#): > > We could be all shouting and swearing at our ex-spouses, but we are not - there seems to be genuine respect given. I’m patting myself on the back (not easy with a bad shoulder) for being good friends with my exes. Which is handy, because they’ve both married friends of mine… ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2024, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-not-want-to-tell-your-ex-wife/1007260/39 "2024-09-19T18:31:55Z")
I’m on good terms with just about every ex-girlfriend I’ve ever had, and with my ex-wife. The ex-wife and I don’t talk often, as there a lot of bad actions from both of us. She had a drug problem (but was a functional drug addict - she was able to keep it hidden from me for the 8 years that comprised the entirety of our relationship, both pre-wedding and after the nuptials). I knew she was a pothead, but that’s not a big deal to me. It wasn’t until I learned that she was hosting drug parties while I was working (I was in emergency services, and my normal shift was 24 hours on, 24 off) that I became aware of the problem. As I said, she was a functional drug addict, and she tended to control the checkbook. She burned through my life savings (around $48,000 at the time) in a period of about 14 months. I discovered this when the bank called a told me that my truck payment bounced. Then she couldn’t hide it anymore. But, as I said, we’re amicable to each other if we happen to bump into each other while we’re out. She’s remarried (her second husband after me, actually. Her first post-Superdude husband died), I’m engaged, but my fiancée and I consider ourselves married, and refer to each other as “my husband” and “my wife.” ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2024, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-not-want-to-tell-your-ex-wife/1007260/40 "2024-09-23T08:12:45Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > TIL that apparently a fair number of guys think that bragging to their ex-wives about how much better their sex life became post-divorce is some kind of rhetorical score. 🤔 Thank you for articulating that. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-not-want-to-tell-your-ex-wife/1007260.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-may-not-want-to-tell-your-ex-wife/1007260.md?page=3)