# Things you mis-read
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-mis-read/374610
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [September 29, 2006, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-mis-read/374610 "2006-09-29T15:29:11Z")
**Posts on this page:** 15
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@rivulus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rivulus)
#### Post date: [September 29, 2006, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-mis-read/374610/1 "2006-09-29T15:29:11Z")
As a part of my ever-so-inspiring job at the library, I check in piles of periodicals. One of these is titled “VM & SD” (or Visual merchandising and store design) which I always mis-read as “SM & VD.” Every time I check this in, I have a sophomoric chuckle over it.
Another favorite is “OMFG” (or Official meeting facilities guide), which I can’t help interpreting as OMG with a little spice thrown in.
Yep, it’s childish. But you’ve gotta relieve the boredom somehow.
Any others?
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### Author:  [@MidnightRadio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MidnightRadio)
#### Post date: [September 29, 2006, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-mis-read/374610/2 "2006-09-29T16:16:33Z")
When I was in training for my most recent job, we had to do these computerized training modules called CBTs (I can’t remember now what that stood for, computerized-something-training, I suppose). In the BDSM world, CBT stands for “cock and ball torture.” Every time I had to do one of those CBTs, I thought about cock and ball torture.
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### Author:  [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)
#### Post date: [September 29, 2006, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-mis-read/374610/3 "2006-09-29T16:18:37Z")
Set of Books is abbreviated as you might imagine.
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### Author:  [@BunnyTVS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyTVS)
#### Post date: [September 29, 2006, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-mis-read/374610/4 "2006-09-29T16:21:14Z")
There’s a fruit juice we sell call “Orange Burst”. Our computer system abbreviates it to “Orng Brst Jce”.
Now I _know_ it’s not "Orange _breast_ juice, but stil…
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### Author:  [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)
#### Post date: [September 29, 2006, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-mis-read/374610/5 "2006-09-29T16:24:02Z")
There’s a thread currently titled “NYC to ban trans fats” which I keep reading as “NYC to ban train farts”. Now there’s a law we can all get behind…
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### Author:  [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)
#### Post date: [September 29, 2006, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-mis-read/374610/6 "2006-09-29T16:28:07Z")
Recently I did data entry related to the S&P 500, which I constantly read as S&W .500
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### Author:  [@Megyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Megyn)
#### Post date: [September 29, 2006, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-mis-read/374610/7 "2006-09-29T16:46:39Z")
> [@MidnightRadio](#):
>
> When I was in training for my most recent job, we had to do these computerized training modules called CBTs (I can’t remember now what that stood for, computerized-something-training, I suppose). In the BDSM world, CBT stands for “cock and ball torture.” Every time I had to do one of those CBTs, I thought about cock and ball torture.
Computer Based Training. 🙂 I had to write them at my last job, and had the same problem whenever anyone asked me if I was “finished working on my CBT”. It was difficult to suppress a snicker.
No interest at all in working on the -OTHER- CBT, which I think my husband is glad for. Just not our thing. I’ll stick to computer torture…erm…training.
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### Author:  [@Surok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surok)
#### Post date: [September 29, 2006, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-mis-read/374610/8 "2006-09-29T17:45:46Z")
I inevitably misread any SDMB thread which has the word ‘car’ in the title.
My brain automatically translates it to ‘cat’.
Russian signs also cause creative dyslexia on a daily basis. The most recent was a sign at a shop near the zoo which said скидки посетителям зоопарка (discounts for zoo visitors). I read it as скидки носителям зоопарка (discounts for zoo wearers/ bearers/ carriers) and spent half a day wondering what a zoo wearer etc. was until the light dawned.
Unfortunately, when it did dawn, I was sittting at my desk in a room with 16 other people, and my cries of ‘So _that’s_ what it means’ were not appreciated.
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### Author:  [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)
#### Post date: [September 29, 2006, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-mis-read/374610/9 "2006-09-29T18:02:36Z")
> [@rivulus](#):
>
> which I always mis-read as “SM & VD.” .
Hey! S&M has nothing to do with VD. You can’t catch anything on the other end of a riding crop. 🙂
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### Author:  [@naotalbah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/naotalbah)
#### Post date: [September 29, 2006, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-mis-read/374610/10 "2006-09-29T18:58:37Z")
I took a class in law school that showed up as
Leg Analy
I kept adding an extra l in there, and being very impressed with the professer’s erm . . flexability.
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### Author:  [@rivulus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rivulus)
#### Post date: [September 29, 2006, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-mis-read/374610/11 "2006-09-29T18:59:10Z")
> [@betenoir](#):
>
> Hey! S&M has nothing to do with VD. You can’t catch anything on the other end of a riding crop. 🙂
Speaking of riding crops, this month’s issue of VM&SD is subtitled “Steps Lively.” I kid you not.
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### Author:  [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)
#### Post date: [September 29, 2006, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-mis-read/374610/12 "2006-09-29T20:14:25Z")
My local newspaper, the _Tulsa World_, used to run an advertisement several times a week promoting an automatic payment system that debits your checking account. The ad had a headline that said CONVENIENT AUTOPAY.
Whenever I saw this headline, on first glance it always looked to me like CONVENIENT AUTOPSY. And I wanted to respond, “No, thanks, not at this time.”
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### Author:  [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)
#### Post date: [September 30, 2006, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-mis-read/374610/13 "2006-09-30T06:02:18Z")
Walking past one of those Western Union knockoff shops…
Me “WTF is a Fast Monkey Transfer?”
Hubby and Roommate “What?”
Me “Oooh… Fast _Money_ Transfer…”
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### Author:  [@AwSnappity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AwSnappity)
#### Post date: [September 30, 2006, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-mis-read/374610/14 "2006-09-30T19:30:22Z")
I was reading _Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life_ by Amy Krouse Rosenthal and I got to an entry about how she’s constantly putting stuff in the microwave to reheat it. She was talking about reheating linguine in the middle of a meal, but I read it as “lingerie”. I e-mailed her about it and she replied that it was “insanely funny”.
Another time I was on a message board for curly hair and one girl posted that she loved “the fresh clean scent of pantene” (lower caps hers) and I read it as “panties”.
I’m constantly thinking about underwear, I suppose…
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### Author:  [@Queen\_Bruin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Bruin)
#### Post date: [September 30, 2006, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-mis-read/374610/15 "2006-09-30T19:37:24Z")
The candy Sour Patch Kids used to have the proclamation, “Mouthwatering candy!” on the packaging. Every time I saw a package in the grocery store, I mis-read it as “Motherfucking candy!”
To this day, my mom and I still call SPKs “motherfucking candy”.