# Things you never want to hear at a child's birthday party **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 21, 2008, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163 "2008-05-21T22:25:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2008, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/1 "2008-05-21T22:25:34Z")
“Timmy’s gonna be so surprised when the evil clown jumps out of the cake.” ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2008, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/2 "2008-05-21T22:35:45Z")
“Looks like a coyote got your boy when we weren’t looking, yup, here’s a blood trail” “What time to the male strippers get here?” “Line up for rides on the garage door!” “Oh shit, you left the nitrous tank on” “First one inside the monkey island wins!” ---
**Author:** ![as\_u\_wish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6f9a4e/32.png) [@as\_u\_wish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/as_u_wish)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2008, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/3 "2008-05-21T22:42:32Z")
I hope little Johnie enjoys the drum set. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2008, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/4 "2008-05-21T22:45:23Z")
“Don’t tell your mother.” Unfortunately, my husband actually heard our BIL say this to one of the guests. My BIL was trying to get the pinata started, and accidentally hit a kid in the head. My BIL’s first reaction was not, “Oh, my God, are you all right?” or “Here, let me see” or “Let’s get some ice on that.” It was “Don’t tell your mother.” Now, what does that tell you when someone’s first reaction upon hurting a child is “Don’t tell your mother?” ---
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2008, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/5 "2008-05-21T22:54:43Z")
“Sure, Cole, you can have another cupcake. You’ve only had like, what, seven?” (I actually did that. Cole just _loved_ those cupcakes!) (Cole’s mom IS still my friend) 😛 ---
**Author:** ![bbs2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e495f1/32.png) [@bbs2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bbs2k)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2008, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/6 "2008-05-21T23:04:27Z")
“He missed the donkey and pinned the tail in my eye!” [/brian regan] ---
**Author:** ![SCSimmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e495f1/32.png) [@SCSimmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCSimmons)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2008, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/7 "2008-05-21T23:10:02Z")
“Have you ever seen a grown man naked?” ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2008, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/8 "2008-05-21T23:17:47Z")
“Incoming!!!” “Wait, I thought we had 8 kids here, not 7…” “OK, line up for the running-with-scissors relay race!” ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2008, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/9 "2008-05-21T23:23:22Z")
“Mom! What are measles? Billy just gave me some!” ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2008, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/10 "2008-05-21T23:40:56Z")
“Do you think it’ll grow back?” ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2008, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/11 "2008-05-21T23:50:51Z")
[QUOTE=SCSimmons] “Have you ever seen a grown man naked?” [/QUOTE] Do you like movies about gladiators? “We’ve spread the weedkiller and fertilizer, both front and back. Thank you for using ToxiLawn. We had to move the bouncy house to spread the stuff. Just FYI.” ---
**Author:** ![Apollyon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/apollyon/32/4238_2.png) [@Apollyon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apollyon)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2008, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/12 "2008-05-21T23:53:45Z")
(minor - but real) “So, the Pizza’s are here for the kids, there are supremes, and meatlovers… I didn’t get any Hawaiian because I thought some of them might be Muslim or Jewish…” \ “Oh, you’re Hindu… and you don’t eat what?” :smack: (Next time i made sure there were ones without beef, and Vegetarian ones too). ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2008, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/13 "2008-05-21T23:54:57Z")
**"To-ga! To-ga! To-ga!"** ---
**Author:** ![rocking\_chair](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rocking_chair/32/2918_2.png) [@rocking\_chair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rocking_chair)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2008, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/14 "2008-05-22T00:24:20Z")
goodness, looks like connor’s eye rolled under the couch. lawn darts!!! ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2008, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/15 "2008-05-22T00:44:10Z")
“What time do the people from NAMBLA get here?” ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2008, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/16 "2008-05-22T00:48:35Z")
Anyone have a spare pair of undies? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2008, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/17 "2008-05-22T00:57:38Z")
“Don’t worry, Billy, the scar will hardly show.” “OK kids, who wants to be first on the cannon ride?” “Suzie, get off of the diving board! We haven’t even filled the pool with wa – oh shit.” ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2008, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/18 "2008-05-22T01:02:02Z")
“Wow, Billy-thanks for the flamethrower!” “Who wants rum cake?” “Check out my Dad’s chainsaw!” “Why does this thing from your mom’s drawer shake when I turn it on?” “Hey, Gramma-Susie just taught me a new word!” ---
**Author:** ![freekalette](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/50afbb/32.png) [@freekalette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freekalette)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2008, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/19 "2008-05-22T01:21:32Z")
“Hap-py birth-day, Mister Presi…_ahem!_…Little John-ny!!” Gah, I can’t sing, even in print! ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2008, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/20 "2008-05-22T02:02:42Z")
“It’s hard to believe Trudy’s just turning nine. Her tits are coming in great.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163.md?page=2)