# Things you never want to hear at a child's birthday party **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 21, 2008, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163 "2008-05-21T22:25:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2008, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/41 "2008-05-22T20:52:43Z")
Can I request that all party attendees please bring as many boxes of allergy medicine containing pseudoephedrine as possible as a gift for the birthday boy? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2008, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/42 "2008-05-22T20:55:21Z")
I know this is a party for 8 year olds, but my 3 year twins were so disappointed they were not invited that I brought them too. Is that okay? I’ll be back in a couple of hours. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2008, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/43 "2008-05-22T21:03:35Z")
Pool Party at Tommy Lee’s! ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2008, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/44 "2008-05-22T21:03:59Z")
“Cake, shmake! Who wants a piece of lutefisk?” “They were out of orange soda, so I picked up some Jolt!, is that okay?” “Oh, don’t mind my Grandpa-he’s just having his flashbacks to Iwo Jima again. I don’t think the machine gun’s even loaded.” ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2008, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/45 "2008-05-22T21:14:05Z")
“OMG!!! The kids ate _those_ brownies!!!” ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2008, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/46 "2008-05-22T21:53:04Z")
Has anyone seen my bong? Okay kids! Line up for the inverted keg stand! ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2008, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/47 "2008-05-22T22:12:07Z")
“I’m sorry, but Grandma should _not_ be giving Bobby any tongue for his birthday kiss.” ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2008, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/48 "2008-05-22T22:21:54Z")
It’s never too early to learn anatomy. Here let me show you! ---
**Author:** ![movingfinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@movingfinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/movingfinger)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2008, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/49 "2008-05-23T04:41:18Z")
Ah, don’t worry. The dingoes are very friendly. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2008, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/50 "2008-05-23T05:17:02Z")
“Have you heard the kids lately? They’ve been upstairs for hours now and I haven’t heard a sound.” ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2008, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/51 "2008-05-23T12:08:17Z")
That’s okay, we’ll just make our _own_ fireworks. ---
**Author:** ![Kuboydal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecb155/32.png) [@Kuboydal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kuboydal)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2008, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/52 "2008-05-23T13:01:02Z")
“I’ll be damned, it _does_ look like Kool-Aid.” ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2008, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/53 "2008-05-23T13:14:06Z")
Sparkler Fight! ---
**Author:** ![Vorpal\_Blade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/9de0a6/32.png) [@Vorpal\_Blade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vorpal_Blade)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2008, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/54 "2008-05-23T14:19:09Z")
[QUOTE=Elendil’s Heir] “Timmy’s gonna be so surprised when the evil clown jumps out of the cake.” [/QUOTE] The candy’s in my pocket. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2008, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/55 "2008-05-23T15:26:50Z")
Nothing says “fun” like kids’ group archery! ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2008, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/56 "2008-05-23T15:31:23Z")
Don’t mind me, I just have to stay 300 feet away from the house while the party’s going on… ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2008, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/57 "2008-05-23T16:15:19Z")
“Mum, what’s a stiffy?” ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2008, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/58 "2008-05-23T16:28:46Z")
Way to go on the relay race, here’s your victory cat skin! ---
**Author:** ![dwc1970](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a183cd/32.png) [@dwc1970](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwc1970)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2008, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/59 "2008-05-23T18:55:15Z")
“Let’s try it with TWO firecrackers this time!” ---
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2008, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/60 "2008-05-23T19:18:37Z")
“Daddy, the man from the bomb disposal unit just pulled up.” “That may very well be true, Billy, but we’re not _at_ Hippie Hollow\* right now, are we?” “Just shut up and hold still. My daddy says I’m a great marksman.” “As a matter of fact, I _don’t_ think that giving the kids a piñata shaped like a map of Israel was a good idea.” “But my brother always uses gasoline to clean up bloodstains.” “No, you’re both wrong. _This_ is the sharpest knife in the kitchen.” And one from real life: “I know we talked about it daddy, but Miranda _promised_ she wouldn’t throw a tantrum this year, so I had to invite her.” * * * - HH is a clothing-optional swimming hole regarded as sacred ground by many Austinites [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163.md?page=4)