# Things you never want to hear at a child's birthday party **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 21, 2008, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163 "2008-05-21T22:25:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2008, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/61 "2008-05-23T21:57:37Z")
Honey, can you stay with the rest of the kids while I drive the birthday girl to the emergency room?\* \*Yes, this happened to me when I turned 9. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2008, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/62 "2008-05-23T23:35:58Z")
Let’s play William Tell! ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2008, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/63 "2008-05-24T01:17:13Z")
“And every time little Bobby opens a gift, we all take a shot!” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2008, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/64 "2008-05-24T04:39:46Z")
“Why’s this gift ticking, anyway…?” ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2008, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/65 "2008-05-24T06:54:45Z")
I got a baby alligator! Why’s it called a “roach clip”? There’s a finger in my cake! Take it all off, baby! Whoo! Who wants to be the pinata? Let’s watch all the Saw movies! ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2008, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/66 "2008-05-25T22:02:51Z")
I know you said some of the kids here had severe peanut allergies, but I’m sorry, I think that whole peanut-allergy thing is overblown. Besides, I wanted them all to have the chance to enjoy my world-famous Reese’s Cup cookies. Look! See how much they like 'em? ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2008, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/67 "2008-05-26T14:15:19Z")
This place is a total sausage fest. ---
**Author:** ![Amber\_in\_Treasury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc79bd/32.png) [@Amber\_in\_Treasury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amber_in_Treasury)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2008, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/68 "2008-05-26T14:45:27Z")
This glue smells nice! Why are there two girls, but only one cup? ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2008, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/69 "2008-05-26T15:09:56Z")
“So, how _do_ you get blood out of a clown suit, anyway?” “Mom, the chocolate on top of the cake smells funny.” “I didn’t put any chocolate… Oh, my God! Fluffy pooped on the cake!” Robin ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2008, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/70 "2008-05-26T15:22:03Z")
“Why is there pinkish smoke coming out of that container?” “No! No! You have to put the end of the primacord at least a metre away from the rock before you blow it up!” (Both based on Real Life Experiences of my friend. Yes, he _did_ accidentally make nerve gas (the pinkish smoke) in his bedroom one afternoon.) ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2008, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/71 "2008-05-26T15:37:13Z")
“So… um… has the birthday girl, um… y’know… um… had her first period yet?” ---
**Author:** ![Baraqiyal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@Baraqiyal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baraqiyal)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2008, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163/72 "2008-05-26T15:50:10Z")
How about “[I’ve got a special job for you today!](http://www.break.com/index/really-creepy-sex-abuse-psa.html)”? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-you-never-want-to-hear-at-a-childs-birthday-party/450163.md?page=3)